The Voice

Thank you all for the reviews. This poem was actually nine years in the making. It's based on something that happened to me when I was sixteen. It was a very sensative subject to put on here. Thanks again.

That was amazing. I was transfixed the whole time, my eyes glued to the screen. It was haunting, and it makes the reader want to know what exactly made this person so desperate to end there life's. Wonderful job.

Hi there Greg. Lavvi in to review for you today.

Okay, I have to be honest, I didn't really, truly read it. Because I looked at it and it reminded me too much of a short story's formatting with a few different things. There was also an extended ellipses (....................................) and that put me off as well. It looks unprofessional and just isn't needed. It's like you didn't have anything to say and just...wrote it for no apparent reason.

Yours,
Lavvi

Hello! In advance, sorry for the rubbish review. I really did like your piece. It was extremely moving and searingly well written. I couldn't really see any gramatical mistakes other than what the other reviewers have pointed out. Great job! A big *like* from me! Keep up the good work!
~ Amelia

greg925 wrote:A still,small voice came to me on a cold winter's eve.
Whether or not I imagined it, still remains to be seen.
With an angel's whisper and a demon's breath, hot like the fires of hell.
"You hate your life, and everyone in it. Why don't you kill yourself"?

I stood there thinking for a while, gathering evidence to this claim.
The thoughts and memories that I uncovered were full of hate and pain.

I don't remember what was playing, but I knew the radio was on
and all it's lyrics and melodies were that of a sad sad song.
Tears began to fill my eyes, as I listened to every word.
As I sobbed and cried there on the floor, again the voice was heard.

"I told you so. I never lie. Now, why don't you hurry up and just die?"

I gathered my strength and stood to my feet, as I wiped the tears from my face.
Numb with sadness, I dragged down the hall and descended the staircase.
Across the living room/dining room, walking across the kitchen floor.
Stopping at the counter, I opened the silver ware drawer.

Forks, potato peeler, spoons................................
A butcher knife!
Just the exact tool to take my own life.

"Perfect choice.", said the voice in my head.
"They'll all be sorry once you are dead."

Back in my room, I locked the door and stood in the middle of my bedroom floor.
Holding the knife with a straining grasp, as I looked for an artery to slash.
"The throat.", said the voice. "The throat is the perfect choice."

With eyes closed, I guided the blade underneath my chin.
Feeling cold steal touching flesh, I began to push in.
And then.................................................
a chill like a cold wind rushed up and down my spine.
Another voice came to me, saying "It is not your time."

This voice that spoke was much more kind and gentler than before.
At that very moment, I loosened my grasp, as the knife fell to the floor.

"My son", it said "your time is not over. You still have more living to do."
"I am your master, it is me you serve, and I have plans for you."
The voice was loud and bold, but this voice did not scold.
Tears of shame filled my eyes, as the thunderous voice continued to tole.

"I am always with you, I watch you night and day."
"I will never leave you or forsake you, though you may go astray."
"I know your pain and desperation, I sense your doubt and fear"
"But, all you need do is call my name and I will surely hear."

Just then, a calm came over me, like a peace I had never felt before.
I stood there smiling with tears of joy, and I unlocked my bedroom door.

Great poem, Keep it up!

Hello,

I am in love with this piece, truly, it is amazing. I was trasnfixed in moments and have read it over twice. I love how you kept the flow perfectly, with the rhyming and such, but were able to tell such a.. in my opinion beatiful story at the same time. I say beautiful because of the ending, the ending is my favorite.

The only thing I did notice... is in this line;

"Stopping at the counter, I opened the silver ware drawer."

I'm pretty sure, that "Silverware," is one word... Anyways.. again, I loved it. Consider yourself to have a new follower

God Bless,
Amber.