Published February 24, 2011
It seemed only fair to let time heal pain-yet I see your face and it all comes back to me again. A severed tie that can never be restructured. You seemed to have moved on, but I...I still very much feel the remnants of this pain and torture that I have built for myself, and have become all too familiar with.
Like the scar of an old wound, it never again bleeds, but is a visible reminder of the damage done and the raw seethe. Pictures speak volumes and as I stare at your smiling face I can only shutter. I think, "Dare I?" Of course not. What would it prophet me , but to be built up with false hope, only to be dismissed again just as quickly.
You are gone, but the words you left me are not forgotten. I keep them close to me as a sort of memento.It is all I can do to hold on to what we once were. Now, the memory has returned, like an eternal flame that continues to burn-The consequence of a friendship lost and a lesson learned.
You will always haunt me in endless days and sleepless nights. No longer taunted by guilt, it has been replaced by visions of your light. No longer am I ashamed, though the memory still remains. Like a fleeting glimpse, a reverberating echo fading out into the abyss that is my mind. A waking dream of something hoped for, but never realized.
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Yes, I know the paragraphs give it more of a story forum than a poem. I've never felt comfortable writing in stanzas. Maybe I should start making that a habit for future postings. Thanks.
Oh, I really like this poem! I really "connected" to it when I read it as it was definitely relatable and easy to understand. We've all experienced losing friends and I felt this poem totally encapsulated the feelings I had felt too! There was nothing confusing about the poem; it was straightforward yet sentimental at the same time - very well-written!
Although, like the people above have said, I did notice the structure of this poem was rather unconventional and it did seem more like it was a monologue because of the paragraph-looking stanzas. It was only until the last few sentences that I realised there was a rhyming scheme, so as a suggestion, perhaps changing the structure so it looks more like a poetic form? But I still think it's great the way it is and I did enjoy reading this!
Thien
The first thing i noticed about this poem was the way it was set out. It could be great if you changed this to make it easier to read. I agree with the person above me, this is a poem that is easy to understand, not to say that complex poems are bad, and it really makes you think which is a great thing.
But to me this seems like an internal monologue not a poem. It's just the way it's set out, written and spoken ( not literally). As an internal monologue it's very good!
Hi!
This is very good - it gets its point across to the reader without too many questions or confusions, and it really makes one think deep. These are great qualities of dramatic poetry.
However, the lines are either just really long (which is not bad at all) or they are not written in poem form. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it appears to me that this is written in paragraphs, not stanzas. If you like it that way, I would put it in Lyrics or General Articles, not poetry. If you did not mean that to happen, I suggest rounding off the lines into a recognizable poetic form.
There are a few spelling mistakes, probably typos:
I believe you meant to say "shudder".
Also, it looks like you forgot to put spaces in between periods and capital letters.
Otherwise, this is an extremely well-written article with potential for a great piece of poetry!
-Lili