It was witch hour.I was lying in bed, trembling, dreading what would happen if i woke. Tossing and turning, I could feel sweat dripping down my face. I could hear wolves howling, owls twit-twooing, and then I woke... There was no chance I was seeping tonight.
Many hours had past, and I still had only slept for one hour. I couldn't help but think about death. There was a deathly atmosphere lingering in my room. I have heard a lot of stories about Warewolves and Vampires, but I had the awful sense that it was all coming true.
It was early in the morning, when I realised a wierd shadow walked past my door. I didn't think much of it at first, but then i came back and stood outside. I slowly started to stand up, and before I knew it, I was just behind my door hoping that the shadow was not there.
As I opened the door, I could see something red glowing, which looked like eyes coming from the shadow. My eyes widened as i felt something skeletal touch me. I turned and there it was... A Vampire
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well, looks like this person is either having a pretty bad nightmare or is somehow stuck inside some version of a nightmare there, judging by all the description that we've got going on there. It definitely does not seem like a situation most people would want to end up stuck in here...well, it definitely gets your attention here at the start...so great choice of first paragraph here.
Okay, well, even if this is a nightmare, it looks like someone that has been exposed to some pretty tough stuff recently judging by the thoughts they are currently having here...it looks like they are terrified of death for some reason and is expecting all sorts of werewolves and vampires to take them out somehow.
Hmm, well perhaps there is some truth to all of this paranoia after all, cause that certainly sounds like something is headed this person's way and the way that it just appears to be crawling up on this person in a rather spooky manner suggests that whatever its here to do, it can't potentially be any good here...well, this is quite exciting so far.
Well, it appears, this persons fears weren't that irrational after all, it appears they've ended up in a very sticky situation judging by that ending there...and I almost expect there to be some dramatic music there with that kind of reveal at the ending....well...quite a neat little cliffhanger you've ended on there at any rate.
Overall, this was a lovely little story, it does seem like the type of story that I would certainly read here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Good job c;
I love this! Its simple but interesting. Plus, I've always been a fan of "creepy" things.
I really do love how you used the short sentences. It makes it rather descriptive and makes the noises come to mind that the character is hearing. Just a few quick critiques:
Make sure your "I" is capitalized.
realised should be realized.
I do think it could use a little more power. Like saying, "As I turned my head, I saw the one thing I feared the most... A Vampire." But use your own words, cause those are the most powerful.
Overall, this is a great story. Keep up the amazing work!
I really like this! I think you set up the atmosphere well, and your imagery technique is very strong.
However, I believe you could add a little more feelings, for example 'I was so terrified, my mind froze.'. I look forward to reading the rest of the story!
Hey there, glad to see you posted something
I get to review it!
First off, I love vampires! Not the Edward/Bella kind, the kind that actually bite people. I hope this is the direction you're going in
I love how you set up a rather dark atmosphere for a dark story... Things like: "the witching hour" and the wolves and owls add a sort of suspenseful, tense mood to the overall chapter, and I liked this very much.
The only (sort of) negative thing I would have to say is that you should try to flesh out the chapter a bit more. Give us more details. Describe the surroundings a bit more, tell us what the narrator is feeling, feel free to be descriptive.
Overall though, I've got to say that this is good start and it shows great potential. Keep writing, I can't wait to see what you post next
Thank you. Also it will not be the Edward/Bella kind you will be glad to here. Yes I will try by best to add more description. You will Have to Wait and see ....