Today's grass was surprisingly good after the storm that had happened the night before. It had this certain amout of dew on the grass that made it superb. I look over at my herd and see they are loving the grass as well. As I look I see the prancing foals loving the wetness on their hooves as they lope. If this rain keeps on coming, this will be a good summer for the grass. That means more energy for the herd. My fetlock starts to itch, so i nibble on it so the itching will go away. As I do that I loose my balance and fall to the ground. The horses see what had happened and whinny from the humerous scene. I whinny as well for I too thought it was funny. I stand up and see this beautiful, white and brown paint mare with a white ring around one eye and a brown mane. I was amazed. I am a brown and white paint evenly with both colors with a blond mane. I am dazed by her beauty. I slowly walk over to her. She pretends she is nibling her fetlock because she is shy. I get up to her and she brings her head up. I whinny to her, and she whinnies shly back. She puts her head to the side and looks at me with her eye with the ring around it. Her beautiful blues eyes meet mine and we seemed as if it were love at first sight. I walk past her breaking the daze and i walk to an apple tree. I get an apple and go back to her. I put part of it in her mouth snd we share the apple. Shly glancing several times she walks away and grazes on the dew grass. Then I start to. I think I have found love.
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140,799 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well, this was quite a neat little start here. I kind of get the feeling that we've got things from the perspective of an actual horse here in this story...I could be mistaken but from reading this a couple of times that's the vibe I get even though it doesn't look to be outright said that this is horse's point of view. And well, if it is, this would be the first time that I ran into a story told from the POV of a horse, so that itself makes this very unique, and well, it looks to be a bit of a light romance situation going on here...and I love those too, so great little start to this story here.
All in all, we have a really wholesome little scene here, of this person or rather horse commenting on the weather and the state of their surroundings, allowing a neat little atmosphere to get developed here before things are finished off on a note of noticing this other horse at the end. I like how you established the background there and then moved onto the next bit where we can easily imagine the whole scene quite nicely. Overall, a solid looking start that you've got here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hello Here is a little knight with not much of a sword to review this for you I hope it help some.
OK first off it is extremely hard to knock over a horse and you should have made this paragraph smaller.
And this
But nice otherwise.
And personally you did great at it.
Keep writing and good luck.
~Jon~
Hello there!
Here is my short review:
This was quite sweet, I liked how it was very subtle and clam but I think you may need to develop it a bit more.
Firstly I like the story but you need to include more; maybe add in more events or at least something else to get the readers attention.
Secondly this is a little short for a chapter so again try to extend it. I like how everything is told through the eyes of a horse though! And the endings cute!
I spotted a few mistakes so maybe just look it over again.
Overall I think you should maybe work on it a little more but it's getting there!
~*Annapurna*~
Thanks you guys
I will try to do my best! I am a beginner writer so I am still learning 