Published September 18, 2024
Some cried,
Some screamed,
Others laughed at the heavens,
For God had finally come,
to teach us one final lesson.
It was nobody's fault
We’d had too much.
Angry with our two disapproving gods,
I fell to my knees,
and cried for help,
Neither acknowledged me.
Humans we all are,
With needs so delicate,
Skin so tough,
Why do you chip at our skin,
Knowing it will make us cry in the end?
Without our voice,
The vessels we created are lost
Fighting with no meaning.
Don’t you see what you’ve done
In leaving a crying world behind?
Aren’t you sorry?
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139,197 Literary Works • 672,502 Reviews
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the poisoned S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - This is a poem about the world shattering and ending into nothingness, ending in red. There are humans who are lost and aimless, humans who are drowning in a sea of red, all because of some fight that the beings above them had. All because of…Radio.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I have no recommendations to make as of right now, but if you would like to edit this, then you may.
Chocolate Bar - I like how you described that the people left behind are crying and feel lost, it shows how broken the end of the world left them. And I also like that you crossed out anything having to do with “Gods”, because it feels like people are starting to lose their connection with them. Having read all of the stories, this feels exactly like something Radio would do.
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a mournful and surreal poem about the end of the world. I have enjoyed reading this and I like the art cover that you did, it feels on theme. I’ll be sure to check out all of your other short stories and so, with that…
I wish you a glowing day/night! ^v^
I love how it's not too detailed so it gives the reader freedom to choose the meaning behind it and understand the lines in their own way.
I also like how "God" is crossed out because that is what grasped my attention first and got me into reading the whole poem. It also makes you question the reason why it has been crossed out giving even more freedom to understand the meaning how you like it.
The rhetorical questions are great, they leave the reader with questions which makes the poem stick in their mind for longer. They also suck the reader deeper into the lines making them feel like a part of the poem. Often when I see rhetorical questions in poetry they feel out of place and tacky but you managed to build them in the poem very well.
The last line being bolded gives the poem a solid but echoing ending which I like. It doesn't look like it was cut in the middle but it also gives it an open ending leaving you with the questions given you while reading the poem.
The crossed out words and bolded ending also gives it a nice visual aspect. You can very easily read the poem without paying too much attention in the meaning behind them which makes it lighter to read depending on how deep into poems the reader wants to go.
All in all I really enjoyed reading this and I think you did great job!
Hey, coming in to review this amazing poem! Happy RevMo!
My first impression of this was, wow, the world is ending. Although you don’t go into detail about when, or why, you can still feel the panic and the terror. It’s short but sweet.
I loved the way you included questions--they’re very rhetorical and in any other poem I’d probably say they were overwhelming, but here they just fit.
The overall mood and tone of the poem is great, by the way--it feels red and raw.
Overall, this is an amazing poem! Can’t wait to see more!
Hey friend! First of all, I love this. I feel like overall you ask this big question of "will you feel sorry when it's your last day". There's a lot of talk of the end of the world or a big judgment, and in my opinion, this question that you ask, goes through our day and how we don't think about how much important something has until we finally lose it, or get to that point where it's inevitable. It's not until we start to feel that fear for ourselves that it matters to us. Let's jump right into the poem though.
I really liked these three lines. In my opinion, vessels seem to represent the human body, combined of these lives, that we've made for ourselves, and everything that we esteam is so important in our world. We fight for something that we were going to lose, actually seems funny when you think about it. This makes you realize that life is meaningless, but also incredibly important at the same time because it's all that we have.
My favorite, two lines of this poem were these two. I like the perspective that you wrote this poem in. It's like we're speaking to someone who has done these things to us. It gives me a lot of emotions, like fear, but also this abandonment and yearning to have some thing that you lost. I like the reflective tone too, asking that question "don't you see what you've done". You call it a crying world. I like the imagery that you built here, attaching that emotion to something so physical. But it's true, our earth is deserted. And however, someone interprets this is up to them, but it spoke to me very powerfully. Overall, I love this poem, and I love the tone that you use, and how you speak to us with these different perspectives. Fantastic poem, and I'm eager to read more!
Your friend,
Ellie
This poem might be short, but like they say, big things come in small packages. I loved the line
"Don’t you see what you’ve done
In leaving a crying world behind?
Aren’t you sorry?"
My only complaint is that it left me craving more.
keep writing
- Grim