Shouts.
Heard from the depths of my house,
coming from two people
who never learned compromise.
Shouts.
Ringing through my ears,
sending shudders through my body,
and shivering down my spine,
Shouts.
Closing them out is not easy;
hands over my ears only buffer
their loud voices.
Holes.
There, in the wall I left my mark,
my words put into action.
Still, I get a solemn reaction.
Holes.
Broken in our hearts because we lost our minds.
One fall after another,
and so there are holes in our hearts.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,022 Literary Works • 672,758 Reviews
I like the way you write your poems but there are a few things that I need to tell you before I
go.
One of those things is that you could write your poems a bit more longer than what they are
now because it is good for you to challenge yourself to write more and make your poems a
bit more interesting.
Also I like the way you add Shouts ever time you finish the stanza because it adds more
action to the story.
Also one of the things is that you have a different way of writing your poems I should know
because I haven't been on the YWS for long but I know that I am able to know when people
have different writing because they add more action to the story.
One last thing you could after each stanza add a little more description to what you are
saying because if you wrote this and someone didn't understand it you could add more
description to when you are writing.
And before I go you could keep writing if this is one of the things that you like but next time
please try to do what I ask because right now you cold be a better writer if you could try
hard enough.
I see that you are also a new person on the YWS,welcome and since you are new you could
try to do the things I tell you to do and one day you will get a star.
Hey there goldenbriarrose128. It's just lizzy dropping by real quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.
1. You're new to the site so here's a #00FFFF ">Welcome to YWS! for you. Throws a little confetti while thinking about other possible welcome ceremonies. Also congrats on publishing what I am guessing is your first work on the site. You only need one more review before this is out of the green room and on it's merry way. Onward troops and let us face the first battle of many.
2. Recently I decided to try a new method of organizing my reviews as opposed to my last five organizational methods. This one will surely be the best but this review is one of the test pilots for the final project. Insert best interpretation of a space cowboy/pirate. I think it would be best to start with a nice little chat about that there title, seeing as it is the first thing yer readers see. Switch back to normal voice. I have put it in quotes just to make it a little bit easier to deal with.
The reader can tell a couple of things about the piece just from looking at the title. One, people are most likely going to be fighting about something and it makes the mc sad in some way. Then again this is a poem and poems thrive on strong emotions brought on by negative or positive events, most often negative. Two, "holes in our hearts" really supports the negative event causing all of the mc's emotions. It might just be me but I usually relate an injured/broken heart to a love for somebody that ended badly.
Only a couple more battles to go, you can make it men.
3. As far as the actual story itself goes you presented something that I think is very relatable. It's not for me but for others this event occurs consistently. Judging from the level of emotion and the other reviewer's claims, I would guess this is about two parents fighting and a kid being stuck in the middle. Correct me if I'm wrong here. The support is pretty good but there are a couple of lines that run together funny that you may want to take a look at.
I think you should make "shivering" shivers. Other wise these lines don't look quite right and it disrupts the feeling you had so carefully created.
4. Well that's about all I have for this review. Once again #00FFFF ">Welcome to YWS! and enjoy your stay. If you have any questions about this review feel free to PM me. Have you made a "I'm new here" post yet? If not, why don't you head over there. Here's another congrats for being over halfway there to your new star. If you have any questions about anything just ask.
-lizzy
Thank you so much! You were on point on the meaning of the poem. Great advice, too! I can definitely see where you're coming from.
Hey! I am here to review your awesome poem!
I love this poem, well written. Good punctuation and spelling. I'm guessing this good be parents fighting? If it is, then people can relate to this? Maybe. I don't know
My favorite line is "Broken in our hearts because we lost our minds". Truly an amazing poem. Please keep up the good work, and keep making amazing poems! Well done!
-Ronan
Thank you so much!!