Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
I'm prey. I know that.
I feel your claws dig into my fur as you rip it out. I whimper, I yelp for help that is to never come.
I run, through cold and bitter nights, I run from a a voice that mocks me.
I hear you laugh behind me. I cannot feel, the cold bites my fingers, as you bite my arm. The wound is pulsing, the only warmth I feel is blood, beside the beating of my heart.
When I look back, you lick your bloody lips, and your eyes catch mine.
I stumble, my knees cut open on the stone, but I can't care. I don't feel it, I don't want to feel it.
I keep running, you follow me. We both know you can catch up, you're just waiting for me to make another mistake, so I can face you as I fall to my knees again.
The wind flows through my hair, I pant and beg and pray. My head angle upwards in hopeless greenness. The stars look so cruelly beautiful.
I stumble again, I cut my palms open. We are face to face, you fletch your teeth, my blood dripping from them.
God, I feel the thrill. I feel the thrill from you. Being chased, by you, only you. You want me don't you? You could bite me, end this. But you don't.
You enjoy this too, don't you?
We don't move. You wait until I run again.
You want me to bleed, I want you to bite.
Oh, how we both enjoy the thrill of the chase.
My dearest wolf, I'm the lamb you slaughter.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,021 Literary Works • 672,738 Reviews
Hi goatsanddice! I felt so drawn into this poem! Even though you already have 2 amazing reviews, I'd love to share my own thoughts.
I'll be using my own Watermelon Method of reviewing today!
Skin - Initial Observations
I felt drawn to this poem because it feels similar to the poems that I, myself, have been writing. I've been experimenting with the ideas of prey and predator in my poetry, so I felt immediately curious as to how this poem will read!
I also want to note the longer lines, as I love this artistic choice. The longer lines don't seem to conflict with the shorter lines, but rather feels complimentary. The lines act as complete thoughts and ideas, and I think your intention in keeping most of them long helps the overall mood of the poem.
Rind - Interpretations
The poem immediately jumps into the narrator confessing that they are prey. They see being prey as a weakness, and admits it. As the poem progresses, it is filled with imagery and a story of being hunted by someone/something that is out to get them. I love the imagery in these lines. It feels like a story told through a poem, yet still keeps the poetic elements of emotion and ambiguity.
This line acts as the turning point in the poem. The hunt begins to feel playful, as the narrator taunts the subject, and the subject taunts the narrator. It changes the entire trajectory of the poem. As being prey is no longer a weakness, but a strength in a way. This back and forth between prey and predator is exciting for both of them, terrifyingly exciting. The short lines after this quickens the tempo of the poem as it ends, which leaves the poem in an exciting twist. This is really well done.
Pulp - The Tastiest Part
Everything??! The lines, the pacing, the imagery, the emotion, the twist, the ending! I love this piece a lot, as it feels thrilling and intriguing and interesting.
Seeds - Critiques & Suggestions
None! This poem is wonderful, I only hope you continue to post more poetry.
Great work, keep it up!
tysm!! makes me happy when people like this piece its one of my personal favorites too ;DD
I really like the atmosphere you created throughout this piece. The predator and prey dynamic feels intense and almost hypnotic, and the repetition of running, stumbling, bleeding, and being chased builds that sense of obsession really well. The imagery is especially strong in lines like "The stars look so cruelly beautiful" and "The only warmth I feel is blood" because they mix beauty with violence in a way that fits the tone perfectly. I also liked how the relationship between the wolf and the narrator slowly shifts from fear into something more mutual and twisted. By the ending, it almost feels like an understanding between both characters, which makes the final line hit really hard.
I feel like some parts could be polished a bit to improve the flow and clarity. There are a few grammar issues and repeated words that interrupt the rhythm while reading, such as "from a a voice that mocks me" or "My head angle upwards in hopeless greenness" which feels slightly awkward compared to the stronger surrounding imagery. I also think some sentences could be tightened for even more impact. For example, "You follow me. We both know you can catch up" is already effective, but shortening or sharpening some of the phrasing around it could make the tension feel even more immediate. There are also moments where the punctuation breaks the flow a little too often, especially with commas splitting short phrases.
Overall, I think this was a really vivid and emotionally charged piece. The mix of fear, desire, pain, and devotion creates a haunting atmosphere that sticks with the reader, and the final line was a great closer. Awesome work and I really enjoyed reading it!
tsym!
Hiii!!
This poem reminds me of the quote "To be gorgeous, you must first be seen, but to be seen allows you to be hunted." from the book On Earth we're briefly gorgeous by Ocean Vuong, if I'm not wrong that is.
I love the brief descriptions, the contrasts, everything.
One thing I would suggest us breaking the poem down into shorter chunks to make it more digestible. Or maybe it was an artistic choice to make it seem like a messy read rather than the general clean and clear read, which goes along the theme of the poem, which reminds me, I hope it's not based off of real experiences and if it is, I hope you're okay now.
That aside, I love the sentence that goes "The wind flows through my hair, I pant and beg and pray. My head angle upwards in hopeless greenness. The stars look so cruelly beautiful" something about that imagery just hits right for the theme. My personal interpretation is that the poem is about predatory/abusive behaviour or like a strained relationship (honestly it reminds me of the book 'My Dark Vanessa' ).
Also, if you wanna, I wrote a poem back in October that I feel is a little like this one so I thought maybe you'd want to read it. It's upto you though.
"She's the last one to be hunted
The sole survivor,
Remarkable how it made her upset
Spectacularly gorgeous, that's all she wanted—
her wish upon every fallen star
She wanted to be caught
Just to be beheld
Have her skin ripped through by them
Just to see for whom the blood flows within
They would leave her scars and perhaps hollow her out
But they would desiderate her
perhaps make her worthy again—
Her wish as she plucked another of her soul's petal and sang
"He loves me...
...he loves me not." "
Alright that's all, hope to see more of your work since I see that you're new here (welcome to yws! )
tysm! ive actually never heard of those books youve mentioned
might look into it! And yes the long sentences are stylistic. I write like this a lot when I just want to write / when I self-express. I guess it's not a poem but its the best way to describe this style?
To ease your mind, not it is not based on anything I've been through. This one came from a song I've listened to while walking home in the dark, and my jacket was ripped open a bit (bc it got caught somewhere (%u2565%uFE4F%u2565)) and it was losing its filling. It reminded me of a lamb getting attacked, and when I came home I wrote this c:
I'm glad it's not based off of personal experience
Btw what's the somg you were listening to?