Published January 13, 2009
I feel a pulse beating,
My temperature is over ehating.
I need you to tell me i'm in your heart,
To give my happiness a place to start.
Anxiety bubbling through my vains,
Mind wondering downt hose dangerous lane
Express your feelings, so i may see,
What it is you request from me.
This relationship has so much time to grow,
We need to take it nice and slow.
Thanks for all the things you do,
I want to let you know i'm always here for you to.
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140,548 Literary Works • 673,419 Reviews
Okay. Hello.
First of all, some errors:
The 'i'm' should be I'm.
There were also other capitalization errors in the rest of the poem. Usually it's with the 'i'.
Anyway, that's just totally minor things. The flow of your poem is kinda awry because the rhythm is a little forced in the stanzas. Nevertheless, I believe the emotions were delivered and depicted well.
Aww how simple and sweet just one thing though I think you made
a mistake just a real little one
Did you mean over heating?
Other than that I thought it was pretty good sort of plain
but it was ok I think you should have expanded a little more.
Like I always say though it's your writing I can only make suggestions