Published July 3, 2026
He loved me, at least that’s what he said before he left. “I love you, buddy. I’ll come back soon”. “I’ll come back soon”. “I’ll come back soon”. It’s been 3 weeks, and I’m starting to think that my father isn’t coming back. He wouldn’t do that to me, he said he loved me.
He said. He promised.
As I sit on the windowsill and look out at the bright summer morning, I can’t help but wonder what he’s doing right now. Where is he? Zanzibar? He always said he wanted to go there. Norway? No, he hates the cold. Bulgaria? I don’t even know where that is. All that matters is that he isn’t here, where he said he’d be, where he promised to come back to. Right where he left me.
I had always admired my dad. Yes, the past tense is intentional. He was kind, smart, fun. That was until he met Julia, until he decided that some woman was more important than family, until I was leftovers and she was the main meal. I seemed to have fizzled out of my dad’s mind as quickly as my mum did. She was the light of his life. And when she died, he found it too dark, and he struggled to see. I tried to help him, to guide him, but I guess I just wasn't enough for him. Julia was - she was like an electric candle, she was bright, but she was fake and eventually her batteries were going to die.
Once dad had found his new light, he decided he didn’t want to carry dead weight anymore. So he dropped me off in Cornwall, like I was the rubbish on bin day, like I was old news, like I didn't matter.
“Jamie, your dad’s sent you a letter!” Nana called from the kitchen.
Dear Jamie, I’m currently in Norway with Julia (wow), sorry for not making it back for your birthday, I promise I’ll be there for the next one. I’ve left you some money to treat yourself.
Love you, buddy. I’ll be back soon
From Dad
He loved me. He said. He promised.
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139,409 Literary Works • 672,558 Reviews
Immediately hooks you and you want to keep reading. You weave explanations into the present moment and they don't stop the action.
One thing. There's almost no description of the narrator's surroundings. I'd want more of that sprinkled in throughout.
Julia is immediately interesting. You don't know much about her except that the narrator doesn't like her (understandably).
The metaphor that you use to describe Julia I really liked.
It's pretty perfect.
The dad is believable and real. What he's doing is true to what actually happens and how these things happens.
And you repeat the beginning phrase at the end. "He said. He promised."
By the end of it all there's more questions than answers and I really like that.
Overall this is a really good and if there is more I'd love to read it
hello gina! and welcome to YWS!
i really liked this piece, and it left me with so many questions! like how old is the narrator? how and when did their mum die? what's nana like? and i'm also curious about dad and julia...
i like the dynamics here, also. to me it seems like dad might not be cruel as much as neglectful. of course it's hard to tell since we don't see very much of him, but he feels more like a flawed character rather than a cartoon villain. julia also seems really interesting. obviously dad likes (loves?) her a lot, but narrator is also understandably resentful toward her. i wonder how much of their thoughts and descriptions are objective versus biased...
i do think the pacing is a bit fast. not so much that it becomes an issue, but i believe the piece could benefit from being slowed down a bit. at the moment we are introduced to the narrator, learnt that her dad might or might not have abandoned them, learnt their mother died and dad has a new belle, are introduced to nana and read narrator's dad's letter in less than 400 words.
this is a beautiful sentence, but if i'm not mistaken the only description we get of the narrator's surroundings. you could consider sprinkling in some more of this to ground the reader when the narrator isn't recalling memories.
another spot you could consider slowing the pacing slightly is between nana announcing the letter and the narrator reading the letter. this is quite a big reveal, since up to this point we've been led to believe the dad likely abandoned the narrator, but now he contacts them. maybe you could do something like show the narrator heading down to the kitchen? or you could have nana bring up the letter and we'd get an introduction for her? there are so many opportunities!
i think the rest of the piece is pretty solid from a developmental point of view, so i'd just love to look at a few line-edit level stuff.
'He loved me, at least that’s what he said before he left. “I love you, buddy. I’ll come back soon”. “I’ll come back soon”. “I’ll come back soon”. ' - the first sentence is a great hook, in my opinion. it immediately spawns intrigue. though, i wonder if the following quotes could be punctuated more cleanly?
'He said. He promised.' - i love how you used the sentence. the ending ties back wonderfully in to the beginning. however, i think it could hit harder with only 'he promised'. 'he said' and 'he promised' convey nearly the same thing, but 'he promised' has a heavier implication.
'All that matters is that he isn’t here, where he said he’d be, where he promised to come back to. Right where he left me.' - same here. the 'right where he left me' is an amazing line, it packs suchhh a punch, but the preceding sentence is a bit long. this is a small thing but i felt like it risks diluting the impact of that final line.
that's all for this review, thank you for sharing such an amazing work! this is tagged as a short story and not a novel chapter, but if you continue this story i know i'd love to read it. great work!
Hi, Eli here for a reviewwww!!!!
Okay, I love the reference here, the metaphor is very cooool. (Sorry I'm half asleep this is terrible) But I liked the story. I also see you're a new user so WELCOME. Um So I really liked the story, it reminds me of my own dad kinda, so that's a thing. Um I'm falling asleep and I'm out of time anyway so keep it up, I hope to see more from you, I might come back and write a better review please forgive me T-T
-Eli, the autistic bean