anais

Great Job Gilberto. Very sweet poem. Few spelling mistake (walk / heart...) but other than that, it's cute. I agree with Mihaivisan, print it and give it to her. LOL. Hurtado

Hehee, cute one you got there, Gilberto!
Obviously, it's not to be taken seriously. It's funny and childish, and I'd go as far as saying... it's love. The beginning of it, at least; the cute, fun part, where the world is full of colors and the sun makes each and every one of them blind you hahaa.

I liked the simple rhyme scheme. I liked the message. Write this one on a piece of paper and pass it to her, man. Enjoy your love!

(sorry for the double post!)

Hehee, cute one you got there, Gilberto!
Obviously, it's not to be taken seriously. It's funny and childish, and I'd go as far as saying... it's love. The beginning of it, at least; the cute, fun part, where the world is full of colors and the sun makes each and every one of them blind you hahaa.

I liked the simple rhyme scheme. I liked the message. Write this one on a piece of paper and pass it to her, man. Enjoy your love!

Hi there!

This is very sweet and cute However, there are some structural things that could use some work. Poets can absolutely do all their letters in lower case for their poems, but I think in this case, seeing as you have a rhyme scheme going on, that it would be better if you capitalized the first letters of the sentences. Also, make sure you spell check and punctuate correctly. An example:

"id wak a thousand miles"

Polish it up and make it:

"I'd walk a thousand miles"

There are also several "I"s that should be uppercased as well.

Again, I think this is cute. You could make it more romantic by adding more visuals and imagery to it, but if you just want it to be like this that's okay. I think your lady love will adore it

Keep it up!

Luxe