Young Writers Society

Right off the bat, I really like this piece. It has some really nice imagery and I love your choice of words. That being said, punctuation and capitalization would definitely help you out here. Even if you only capitalized the beginning of certain lines. Overall it would just help the flow of the piece and make it seem a bit more natural.

I'm not going to comment on the blood shoot thing, since Frinderman already did, but I wanted to propose an alternative to punctuation, since you do already have some. Splitting some of the lines may do the trick, though I would still encourage punctuation.

For example, just look at the first two lines:

"she looked at me
eyes so cold freezing everything that stood in the way of her stare"

Now, if you separate that last line, the pacing comes across a bit more easily:

"she looked at me
eyes so cold
freezing everything that stood in the way of her stare"

As opposed to simply putting a comma between cold and freezing. It just adds a bit of suspense in the piece. I could keep nitpicking, like how the third line seems like it should say something more like "for she froze all that was in me" or that hashtag that Frinderman also brought up, but honestly I think if you fix the punctuation that fixes most of these "problems".

I really loved this piece though, especially since it takes the idea of Beauty and Beast and combines them. It's a really cool idea and I think you pulled it off excellently.

Right off the bat, I really like this piece. It has some really nice imagery and I love your choice of words. That being said, punctuation and capitalization would definitely help you out here. Even if you only capitalized the beginning of certain lines. Overall it would just help the flow of the piece and make it seem a bit more natural.

I'm not going to comment on the blood shoot thing, since Frinderman already did, but I wanted to propose an alternative to punctuation, since you do already have some. Splitting some of the lines may do the trick, though I would still encourage punctuation.

For example, just look at the first two lines:

"she looked at me
eyes so cold freezing everything that stood in the way of her stare"

Now, if you separate that last line, the pacing comes across a bit more easily:

"she looked at me
eyes so cold
freezing everything that stood in the way of her stare"

As opposed to simply putting a comma between cold and freezing. It just adds a bit of suspense in the piece. I could keep nitpicking, like how the third line seems like it should say something more like "for she froze all that was in me" or that hashtag that Frinderman also brought up, but honestly I think if you fix the punctuation that fixes most of these "problems".

I really loved this piece though, especially since it takes the idea of Beauty and Beast and combines them. It's a really cool idea and I think you pulled it off excellently.

I really enjoyed this poem as I love the theme. However I would like to make a few suggestions and point out a few errors.

Try adding proper grammar and punctuation such as capitalization and adding periods and commas. punctuation really helps with the flow of a poem so that the reader can tell when a complete thought ends and where another begins.

Adding stanzas would help.

In line 5 I believe you meant to spell "bloodshot" instead of "blood shoot".

I do not know why you used a hashtag at the beginning of the last line, as it is very unusual to be in a poem in general.

There were only two things I found odd throughout the poem; line 3, "...for she froze me all that in me shattered." I think adding a word or two would help this make sense. The second was the transition between lines 7 and 8, "for her actions had reasons" "always had her guard raised i feared she would lose it" This is the only part I believe should be improved on sense the two thoughts don't flow together and don't make the best of sense.

Overall I loved the poem! It could use some tweaking but I think you did well expressing the theme. Hope you have a great day! ^-^