Published April 5, 2010
Poetry is something I have always meant to have a crack at, but have never really given a go. I normally write short stories and flash fiction, but I have realised that this is a completely different kettle of fish.
This is my first 15 minute attempt, thank you in advance for having a look.
note: if this is in the wrong section, I apologise, but I know nothing of poetry really, and didn't know where this one would lie?
Downfall.
The fiction on your lips,
manipulates the illusion it creates,
contradiction blinds all it translates,
your legitimacy is curved candidly.
Behind your smile pierced deceit.
Like Icarus though,
you flew too close to the sun,
your fall from grace,
fitting in this place,
and it was all i could do,
to conceal,
the excitement on my face.
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hi i liked the reference to Icarus. i agree with everything jemjive said. the first verse kind of confused me. sorry i don't have time for a longer reveiw
-bigm-
Hi, I`m jemjive I will be reviewing your poem. I suppose your word choice is pretty good, but your poem has no organization. There are two lines that rhyme and no others that throws it off a bit. Also you have a verse with 5 lines and a verse with 7 line. no organization what so ever. Feel free to PM me with any questions.
-Jem