Because you can’t think of a good argument.
It’s not a happy thought. It’s a response, and it’s true. You can’t think of an argument, haven’t since your father’s noise and the shattering of mugs against the kitchen wall.
You like to draw. You like to draw wings because you can dream and birds because they can be free. The steady touch of pencil on paper calms you to the point where you can finally think straight.
Because you can’t think of a good argument.
But you can draw it, in crescent moon swirls and flecks of pencil lead. The inspiration that runs over your hands drips down—never up to your voice. You draw emotionless characters living in an emotionless world and flightless wings and flight-full birds and you’re not very good at any of it.
Because you can’t think of a good argument.
The days that you aren’t screaming at your family and your family isn’t screaming at you are quiet. Those are the days you draw. You shoot for the stars even though you can’t fly because your pictures are trapped behind your eyes and your words are stuck inside your throat so you can’t win a shouting match because you can’t think of a good argument. You feel like a canary in a cage, smothered by toxic fumes, or a pigeon whose wings were clipped. A bird who, when opening their beak to call out, finds the sound of crashing glassware and muffled quarrels instead of what should really be there.
Because you can’t think of a good argument.
Your homework is covered with birds. There are toucans, seagulls, flamingoes, parrots, hawks and blue jays. They’re all stretched in flight, wings spread, feathers smoothed by the breeze. It is unfortunate then, that no matter how many birds you draw, caught in midair by the pencil you wield like an ice pick, you’re only good at drawing penguins.
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139,907 Literary Works • 672,732 Reviews
Hey! Sofie here with another review
Ahhhhhhhhhh, I want to be constructive and provide helpful criticism but I can't because oh man I relate to this sooooooooo much.
This right here? This is exactly how I feel about writing. The way the character can only think straight when they are are putting pencil to paper? The way they dedicate all this time and effort into drawing even though they might not be all that good at it? The way they use it to escape a family they can't relate to? It. Is. So. Me. Even down to the doodling all over school assignments! I cover my stuff in quotes allll the time.
Apologies for nerding-out all over your comments section. I just wanted to let you know this really struck a chord with me, as I'm sure it will with anybody who has found that one passion in life that wont let them go.
Keep writing! Keep practicing! Keep getting better! You have a lot of potential and a really strong, poetic voice. This piece proves it!
-Sofie
thank you! i'm glad you could relate to this! :>
When it comes to detail, this feels a bit half-empty. "Noise" is so vague, it doesn't mean anything -- what kind of noise is the father making? What does the shattering sound like? Does it echo? Does it pierce the ears? You can go into much more depth with only one or two more words, so there's no reason not to do so.
I like this a lot -- very creative and powerful. You have a nice sense of strength when it comes to your writing.
Because penguins can't fly, right.
The emotional pacing in this piece is quite impressive. It starts slow, rather calm, constantly repeating "You can't win an argument" over and over again until it reaches a boil. Using lengthy sentences to portray anger when the emotion reaches a fever-pitch is an incredibly intelligent story.
The strength of wordplay, strength of the concept and intelligent use of emotion makes this a great piece of writing. I think the second half is stronger than the beginning, but overall it's a job well done.
oh my goodness I can't believe I forgot to reply to this! Thank you for your input! I will keep your suggestions in mind!
Hello!
I like how the tone of this piece was gloomy and sad, and it seems that the character the narrator is referring to lives in a bad home where the father, at the very least, is volatile; the character themselves may have anger issues; and the family may be negatively charged with emotions.
You make it clear that the character finds solace only in drawing, but they either draw emotionless characters in equally blank scenes, which may allude to how the character feels like a shell, and how they draw birds, which could be a silent plea for freedom. At the end, where it is revealed that the character can only draw penguins the best, hints that the character is trapped where they are.
However, what was the argument? Could the character be trying to escape their family, but can't come up with a good excuse to do so? Could the family be holding the character back?
It was a pleasure reading this piece and I especially admired the ending, where it really solidifies that the character is stuck where they are. Keep writing!
Thanks for your review! I'm keeping this rather open-ended, (or shall I say open-started) because it's supposed to be vague. I might change it in the future if people are still confused but the scene is supposed to be taking place after some sort of conflict already happened. I'll try to make things clearer. In the meantime thanks for your kind words friendo. :>
This is my first time reviewing.
This is a good piece of work. I like how you explain the characters home and the emotions it caused them to have. And how drawing seemed to be the only thing keeping them from breaking down. The only thing I didn't understood was "Because you can’t think of a good argument." I didn't know what the good argument was for, but I think it is a good divider for each paragraph. I like the use of birds being free and able to fly and the realization to the character that they are only good at drawing the flightless penguin.
You did an amazing job, and keep on writing.
thank you! This was actually a weird first line last line exercise for my creative writing class. I'm leaving the good argument part vague on purpose, but it was also the luck of the draw so I might change it. :> Thanks!