There is a Difference - Prologue

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Its all as fake as the city we live in.

The humble upbringings and slow rise to fame. A lie. No one has to work hard to get to where we are. You're either born with fame in your blood or you have no chance. Just that simple.

We are born and raised to be stars. To replace the quickly dying fad. To keep ignorant teenagers following the herd while thinking their being an individual. Please.

I am Amalee. My older sister ,Ashta, and my younger one, Arabelle, and I are soon to be the new "IT" band of the decade. We can sing, dance, play instruments, and act. When it comes to entertainment, we are the fresh faces. You'll see us everywhere. From facial cleanser commercials to bedspreads. Triple A, our band, will be the next Hannah Montana, but bigger. So much bigger.

How do I know this? It's simple. Everything is planned out far before it happens. The trends, fads, and latest must-haves are not just spur of the moment popular things. There are people behind the scenes figuring out what will help the world most twenty years from now.

So the L.A. you know is the not the L.A. that is. Welcome to my world. This is the world of the "undiscovered" superstar.

Nice prologue honestly I want to read more. Though at first I didn't expect most due to its short size, yet I was mistaken.
Amazing that you were able to fit everything you needed to get me hooked on a prologue in such a short piece!
Anyways great work on your prologue and ill be sure to keep an eye out for your next piece!
-Dawn

Sure you can call me Gabby!

I completely agree with you on the real person issue. That's why I'm trying to make Amalee a bit bitter about her own little stereotype. What she has to be and what she is are totally different things and I think I want to slowly make that more and more known.

About the prologue, I see where you are coming from in the sense that it does give away a lot. I probably won't use it in a final, but for now, since I have so little figured out, I think I want to keep it up so people sort of know what all is going on.

Thank you sooooo much for your criticism!

Hey Gabby! (may I call you that? I have a tendency to nickname people )

I had a read of the first chapter, and then I read the synopsis, and then this prologue, and I decided I had to comment somewhere. So...I'm taking this from the start. Firstly, I think the issue you are trying to tackle is fascinating - appearances vs reality, the shallow identity, pack mentality, fame and fortune, the popular crowd and pop culture in general. It's an important issue, I think, in today's increasingly follow-the-crowd society.

However, (and take this with a grain of salt, coming from someone who wouldn't consider themself 'popular,' only a good friend) I have this idea that no one is actually as fake as they make themself out to be. People might follow the crowd to fit in, do what everyone else does to camouflage themselves or shine in the expected manner, but I reckon internally, they're still all real people, even if they appear fake, with air-filled heads and little emotion (just a personal belief that everyone is actually very smart and has feelings; they just don't express this as much, or do so in different ways). So, when you're tackling an issue like this, I think it's better to have more believable, relatable characters - people who're 'up there' but still, inherently, so very human in that they still have uncertainties, thoughts, confusion, internal conflict pretty much about where they're at and what they're really achieving. So, this is a word of warning for the whole novel: don't write of perfect characters. The Triple A sisters may appear perfect, but for us as the audience to relate to them in any kind of way, they've got to be like all 'stars' - seemingly fake, internally real.

Anyway, I don't think that the story needs a prologue, actually. This above piece is great to have for your own future reference in terms of where you want the plot and characterisation to go in this, but it gives away far too much. You've practically summarised the whole plot right there - and that's not a good thing, since you want to maintain some element of mystery throughout the novel, keep the readers hooked and wanting to know what's going on. Don't be afraid to stash away pieces of writing for future reference and remove them from the overall story - in the long-run, you'll see that if it doesn't fit, it has got to go.

Or if you do want to have a prologue, I'd say make it dislocated. Choose a part of the novel - any part, preferably one of the most action-packed parts or one which represents some kind of turning point - and put a section of that scene in. That way, we're immediately there, in the action, and we can see everything that's going on without necessarily understanding it all in the grand scheme of things. And that alone will make us want to read on, to find out what happens and where.

(Though from personal experience, no one bothers reading prologues, so I'd still reommend removing it entirely. It was a good character and plot exercise, and that's that.)

Thanks guys for the advice!
I'll for sure take it in to account!

Yo Gabby!

I love the prologue. It's simple and straight to the point like the others said. It was a little bit short, but it kept me interested the whole time. So, I don't think there is anything wrong with it being short. I definitely loved the writing style. I can't wait to read more!

<3cplust

Hello there
Definitely a good interesting start. But maybe you should increase the length a bit. Also, I thought that even though there was good writing in your piece, there is lack of suspense, you revealed too much (but that's just me ). Maybe you could try and work on that. I also spotted a few spelling mistakes. But I liked your prologue. Can't wait to read the next installment.
Ziggie

I really liked this prologue unlike many other prologue's I have read. It's short- maybe a bit too short, it goes immediately to the point. The main character had a very defining tone but there was no emotion being expressed by that character.

And so far all the character have just been names. We-the reader- have no idea what they look like, sound like but then again its just a prologue. I like the way your character describes the world of showbiz in a particularly sinister term "We are born and raised to be stars. To replace the quickly dying fad. To keep ignorant teenagers following the herd while thinking their being an individual."

That really made me continue reading. I like the whole idea that you get chosen from birth to be famous.

Buh-Bye,
Anger~

Hi! Phaix here

Firstly, I really like your writing style. It's nice to read something short, snappy, and straight to the point. I can hear a cynical voice throughout the whole piece, and i was just wondering if that was intended to be the narrators voice, or your own opinion? Which ever way, it sets a really intriguing tone!

Keep it up!