In this life you can’t find all people happy, you can’t even find people who live their whole life without any problems or difficulties. Where ever you look around you, you find someone struggle and fight to just succeed and be happy !! but sadly not every one can fight and win, there is who loose faith in his self and there is who give up because he is not strong enough. How matter he tried to got his goal, his trying is not enough !! How ever we should not let this difficulties stop us from living our life, we should not give up because we are humans and with our mind we can do anything. We just need little bit of magic……
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,768 Reviews
Hey Freedom! Welcome to YWS.
Hannah's right. Just go and make a post on Welcome Mat. There would be some awesome people you could chat up to there. Also, I'm glad you've already posted something.
I have almost the same opinions as Hannah on this. I can understand if English is your second language because it's mine, too. At first I had some trouble, too but there are some wonderful people around who will help you out with whatever it is you need help with. I'm just assuming your first language ain't English. So, here are certain things you could try to improve.
1. Try reading as much as you can. Nothing like it. ^_^ Whatever I know about writing is a gift from reading, and the help from fellow YWSers.
2. Try catching English shows or movies as much as you can. They'll give you an idea of how to speak the various slangs, how to phrase things, etc. ^_^
3. Write as much as you can. Since I see the grammar is a bit of a problem here, it's a good idea to check out grammar books and try polishing up the areas where you feel you're not good.
About this piece of yours, the thought was good. But you could make it more a writer's thing by adding imagery, quotations, examples. This, right now, seems like a simple piece of moral values-nothing to catch my fancy. You'll reach there eventually, so don't you worry.
I'm not posting whatever mistakes you made here, but I can help you out through PMs if you're interested. Let me know whatever you decide.
Keep Writing. ^_^
~Mia
Hey there, freedomgirl, and welcome to YWS! It's great to see you are finding your way around the site alright. I recommend also making a post in the Welcome Mat so more people can welcome you and learn a little about who you are. Anyway, let me know if you have any questions about the site, okay? I'd be glad to help!
Now, on to the piece.
First, I want to ask if English is not your first language, because there are a lot of structural problems here. If you're learning ESL, this is absolutely admirable. Well, even if you weren't an ESL student, this would still be an admirable attempt. I just don't want you to feel like I'm saying "you suck" and not understanding that it still took work to put together. I definitely appreciate the effort, but it needs to be cleaned up, is all.
The first thing is to go through and make sure every sentence has a subject and a verb (and maybe an object). I think that just by identifying these parts in each sentences you might be able to learn a little. If the sentence is too confusing to find these parts, try breaking it up into simpler sentences until you sort it out.
For example, check here:
I see "There is", but I don't see your object. I don't see the noun that the modifying "who loses faith in himself" is talking about. I'd fix it like this: "There are those who lose faith in themselves and there are those who give up because they are not strong enough". I changed it to "they" because there are many people who feel this way. So I also changed the verb to match the plural subject. ^_^
Do it with pronouns and nouns, too:
"This" is singular, but you have an "s" on difficulties to make it plural, so they don't match. I think you meant to use "these" instead of "this".
Next, you've got to work hard on making sure you use correct tenses. Here, for example:
Here, you started a phrase with "to", but used the past tense of the verb following it. The correct way to say this verb phrase is "to get". Besides that, you should start the sentence with: "No matter how". That's the phrase you were looking for.
Now, besides all this grammatical stuff, I want you to think about the meaning of this. What do you want people to learn from your piece? You say: People aren't happy. Some people are weak. But we shouldn't give up. We need magic.
What is this magic you're talking about? What do you mean to say? What magic happens in real life. Also, you accept that some people aren't strong. How should they try to not give up if they don't have the strength to succeed. Or do they?
Now, I hope this was clear to you. If it's not, send me a private message (there's a link on my profile, which you can get to by clicking my name) or leave a message on my wall.
Good luck!! And again, welcome to YWS. ( :