Let your knife stab me because it’s less painful than your betrayal, I can bear a knife stab but I can't bear seeing you with another woman.
My heart stopped beating when you kissed her, so stab me because I’ am dead anyway. I thought that my heart was yours and your heart was mine but I guess that was just a beautiful dream.
All your love words to me were fake? I asked, your phone calls and gifts were a game to let me fall in love with you, I said.
Please kill me because I can’t stand it anymore, how could you put your eyes in my eyes and lie and say that I’ am your true love when you were with someone else?? Did you even like me or I was a simple girl who you played with and were ready to leave? Between all this questions I just want to know why?? I wasn’t enough for you? Or I wasn’t the one for you? Kill me please because I can’t hear the answer. You took my soul and burned it so what is the point of living now? I can’t live without a soul; no one can live without a soul, so do me a favor and kill me with your knife and let it be the end of our relationship.
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,768 Reviews
I agree with Yoda in that this doesn't seem like a story at the moment. It reads more like a prose poem. I would either make this a poem and focus on imagery and word choice, or make this part of a story by adding conflict, interesting characters, etc. This has potential in either category, but you have to define it properly first. Keep writing!
Hey Freedom Girl,
Let's talk about your writing. I'm going to keep this review short, so as not to give you so much advice that you don't know where to start. That said, the advice I'm going to give you is all very important, so listen up.
Before you even focus on grammar, there is much to be done, so I want to start this off with a brief discussion about fiction. I am a great believer in the power of the written word.
I grew up on Harry Potter, reading each book tens of times, and I went on adventure after adventure with the characters. I did this because I was reading something wonderful. I was reading about characters and their journeys and lives, and it was almost like I carried a few little friends in my book-bag when I went to school.
A plea to a lover to end your life? I mean really? I am not interested in reading that in the least. It doesn't matter how much poetry you throw at the matter, but without real characters that the reader knows, how can we go on a journey?
When you write a story, there must be characters, and those characters must be more than ideas, they must be people. So, you write dialogue to let us know about them. You show us stories with your prose, that help us know who they are.
Only a small part of writing is about the actual words. Everything else is about the way you tell your story. Are you saying something that the reader wants to read about? That is the first question you should be asking yourself about everything you write.
The other point I wanted to make in this review is that punctuation marks don't create drama. Multiple question marks look desperate. Continuously asking questions does too. You can create drama only by developing situational conflict.
Your pieces need to grow longer and develop to contain more people and interactions that make up a story. So, start with a couple of characters and start telling me about their adventure instead of how in love they were and how your character wants to die now. Tell me something I want to hear about.
Let me know when you have some of that for me to read
--Yoda