Published November 25, 2011
Movie Star
I hear your a movie star that's going to go very, very far.
Yes you are...
Your name up in lights, midnight showing every night...
You know I'll be first in line.
Hey there movie star, it don't matter what those critics say...
Just be yourself and everything will be OK.
Hey there movie star don't let all this fame got to your head,
Remember who you are and where you came from.
Remember your friends and family,
Remember those that care about you... care about you.
Hey there movie star I like you just the way you are,
So don'g go changing and don't let anyone change you.
I'm not just another crazed fan but,
I have to admit that the sound of your voice sounds so good in my ears.
Your name shines brighter than the stars, in the sky every night.
Hey there movie star, I know your gonna go so far.
Just be true to yourself it's your life,
Your story, you can be anything you wanna be.
Hey there movie star, I like you just the way you are.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,448 Literary Works • 672,565 Reviews
Hey, Singer!
So I like the idea you have behind this. It's a very good message, but you also play with it very well! I really like the "Hey there, movie star" phrase you use over and over. I thought it might get annoying, but it turns out that it worked very nicely. Kudos!
The formatting of the song threw me for a loop, so I'm not sure where the verses are. That can be a good or bad thing, depending on your perspective. There was a lack of rhythm, though, because of it. I'll trust that you know how well it works with the music though, and if you have trouble with rhythm still, you can let me know! I'll try to help as best I can. Thesauruses are really nice for fixing that.
The clearest concern I can see is that there's no... meat to the song. It's someone telling their friend to hang in there, but the listener doesn't really feel any connection in the situation. This has a lot of potential in becoming a very catchy, very fun song to sing. Instead of singing all these commands to "be okay" and "be who you are," give a little more to the situation, maybe some imagery? Flesh it out a bit to envelope the listener into this paparazzi world. If that made any sense. xD Right now, it just feels simple and lovely, which can be nice. I just see a lot more you can do with this, so I challenge you to play around with it! Very fun song, though!
Keep writing!
Jabber, the One and Only!
Thanks for the advice! I will be sure to do that for the next thing i write!
I like the basic message of the poem which is don't change who you are to become more famous and stuff like that. I would advise trying to use more rhyming and complex words to increase the effect of the poem. Also try to add some swing to it. I feel like you just implement random phrases with no mind to how this will sound. This is especially important as you list this as lyrics and beat and rhythm in a lyrical poem is even more important than a regular poem. Hope this helps.
Don't worry about it, spelling is hard to catch when you read your own writing, because your mind automatically corrects it.
Thanks so much! (L: Guess I learn to type a little slower and review my work more carefully!
Good, there are a few typos; "don'g go changing" should be "don't go changing", and "fame got to your head" should be "fame go to your head". Keep on writing! I'm not sure of the tune so I can't say if it runs smoothly or not.
Good, there are a few typos; "don'g go changing" should be "don't go changing", and "fame got to your head" should be "fame go to your head". Keep on writing!