Hey, welcome to YWS!
Well, the title of this poem caught my eye right away, and I wasn't disappointed by the poem itself. It's a pretty good effort, and you definitely get a thumbs-up from me.
Overall, I enjoyed how you kept switching from demon to sinner to human and back again. It had a fairly solid flow and there were no rocky bits. However, the excessive use of commas taints your good work. You don't need to end each line with a comma; while that may be a style of writing, you've kinda overdone it. Try replacing some of those commas with semicolons and fullstops, like this:
A demon that hates everyone,
You can’t expect much from a demon,
These are two different sentences, and each time I came across this kind of pairing I was both confused and put off. Use a fullstop after "everyone."
But that doesn't mean you put everything off on me,
That doesn't mean you need to look at me any other way;
The repetition got a little tiring as well. The excessive use of "especially" makes the word lose whatever power it has by the end of the poem. I understand that as of now it is necessary to guide the flow of the poem, so I suggest tweaking the entire poem a little bit and not overly constraining yourself with rigid patterns. As of now, they hold your talent in an iron grip, and I don't think your whole potential has come out in this poem.
Maybe I’m blind, Maybe I’m foolish,
What is the reason for both "m"s being capitalized in this line/sentence?
But that doesn't mean you put everything off on me,
That doesn't mean you need to look at me any other way,
You can’t expect much from a human,
Again, this is an example of how you've used commas in place of other punctuation. It just makes your poem look a little messy and confusing, so...
The ending was quite good but abrupt.
The meaning in each line was pretty good. There isn't a great deal of depth in this poem from what I can see, but what is conveyed has been conveyed well. Still, like I said, your potential is obstructed, so break free!
If my review was too harsh, I apologise. I'm only trying to be helpful.
I hope you keep writing! Good luck!
- Lee
Points: 18564
Reviews: 278
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