z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

The Fire Underneath of Things - 23

by Rook


~1044 words

Grey

(yes, Grey again, I know I know. I just don’t really know what Ivy’s doing right now. Also, trying out Strix for Gwen’s name this time. Still thinking about Eerin though. So Strix = Gwen. Also, I’m still trying to figure out her personality. When I first thought up her character, I thought she’d be super chill, akin to Luna Lovegood, even, but wow that hasn’t happened. She’s been a lot feistier, which is why I’ve chosen Strix over Eerin this time. I described her voice as… idk whispy or something last chapter? Basically it sounded like she was hooting all the time as she talked. Get that image out of your head. That’s not who she really is.)

Strix walked Grey home. He assumed she would just walk him to the edge of Hazel’s Hill, but when they reached the neighborhood’s border, they continued walking and talking together. When she wasn’t threatening him, Strix was actually kind of fun to talk to, even if Grey was somewhat off-put by the fact that she was a witch.

“So you’ve been a witch your whole life?” Grey asked as they passed through a neighborhood called Gabelsfield. It was quiet, well-kept neighborhood full of nice single-family houses that all looked the same. They were the only ones on the street at this time of night, but Gabelsfield still didn’t feel as unnervingly deserted as Hazel’s Hill had.

“Of course! We’re born with it,” Strix said with a little hair flip. “All our powers are with us from our birth. Even our familiar.”

“Familiar?” Grey echoed.

“You know how you think witches all have green skin and ride around on broomsticks and have black cats or whatever?” She said.

“I never thought that!” Grey protested.

“Well, that was just one witch, Hilde Crebble.” She lowered her voice. “Very infamous. She flew around on that bewitched broomstick of hers cursing people left and right. She was part of the main reason your folks started burning witches, why we all had to go into hiding for so long. Anyway, her familiar was a black cat.”

“I still don’t understand what that is,” said Grey.

Strix sighed, and with a strange shuffling sound, an owl was standing right where she had been a second ago. It was about two feet tall, was mostly white with a scattering of dark grey streaks, and was staring at Grey with round black eyes. It clacked its beak at him and took to the sky.

Grey watched as the bird soared over the pristine buildings of Gabelsfield. It screeched a bit, and divebombed toward Grey’s head. He ducked but the owl had pulled up and was coming to a graceful rest on the ground. It looked at Grey a little longer, its head moving very smoothy—almost, grey though, like a machine. Then, with the same shuffling sound as before, Strix was back.

“Do you understand now?”

Grey was too busy searching the street behind him—in case anyone had seen—to answer. Thankfully, the nice suburban street around them was still empty.

“It’s a Ural owl, in case you were wondering what kind it was.” She lowered her head in false modesty, but to Grey, it almost looked as if she were preening. “It’s the best owl, in my perfectly objective and bias-free opinion.”

The more Grey looked at her, the more he could see how owlish her human features were: her huge dark eyes, round face, sharp nose, and even her pale skin were reminiscent of her owl familiar. Grey shuddered. He’d never be able to unsee the connection between her and that bird. He was somewhat horrified. He’d never seen magic like that before, right in front of his eyes, like it was nothing.

“So tell me more about this secret society thing you work at,” Strix burbled on.

“Um.” Grey was at a loss for words. “What else is there to tell you? Crazy inventor and his apprentice building stupid machines.”

“But why?”

“He’s crazy. Did I not stress that enough? My master, Alder Thornton is insane. I’m just in it for the roof over my head and three meals a day.” He stared over her head at a house with a red roof and a blue door, not really seeing it. He was thinking about what he could be doing if he weren’t bound to Alder by an apprenticeship.

“Is that really all? You aren’t there for any other reason?” Strix asked. Grey could feel her analyzing his face, probably wondering why he wasn’t meeting her gaze.

He looked away in the other direction at a different house, one with a blue roof and a red door. They were almost out of Gabelsfield. Only a few more minutes until they reached the Workshop’s front. “I mean, I suppose I’ve learned a lot about machines there. I don’t think I’m learning much more though.”

“Don’t you have any feelings at all for someone in that place?” Strix goaded.

Grey flinched in surprise. “How did you know about me and Ivy?” he demanded, suddenly vehement. He blushed at the outburst, and looked around again. Seeing no one, he continued in a lower voice, “Did you read my mind? Have you been doing it all this time? You conniving little… witch!” He finished in a whisper-shout.

Strix seemed taken aback at his sudden anger, her mouth hanging slightly open, her stance defensive. When he noticed her hands were up in front of her, Grey realized his own had been raised as well—and tightly clenched into fists. Strix had been afraid of him. Grey dropped his hands just as Strix’s face contorted in rage.

“I did no such thing.” She said in a barely-contained whisper. “I can’t believe you’d accuse me of something like that! I was only trying to get you to admit that you love Alder, but I see now that I was wrong to try to. You don’t care about anyone other than yourself,” she spat. “How dare you use the name of my people as an insult. I was getting interested in joining your secret society, but you can choke on it for all I care.” With that, she transformed into an owl and soared away.

Grey walked the rest of the way to the Workshop. He felt like he’d be drenched in shame. He had to go apologize to Strix. He hadn’t meant to be so angry at her. But he had no idea where she lived or how to find her, and Hazel’s Hill was a big neighborhood. He hit his palm against his forehead. He’d been so stupid. He’d almost made another friend and he’d immediately ruined their friendship. Why did everything he worked for have to crumble?

Right now, the only thing Grey wanted to do was get to bed and sleep off this awful night, but then he noticed the lightening sky and groaned. He had to go extinguish the streetlamps first.


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Sat Sep 23, 2017 10:53 pm
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ExOmelas wrote a review...



Alrighty, looks like I have chosen this over uni-work for the rest of the night...

Nit-picks and nice moments:

whatever?” she said.


almost, Grey thought, like a machine.


Grey was too busy searching the street behind him—in case anyone had seen—to answer.

When I read this sentence it actually occurred to him that it would probably make more sense for his surprise to be frontloaded. It's from Grey's perspective after all, so something like,

Grey watched, paralysed in wonder as the bird soared over the pristine buildings of Gabelsfield.


“It’s a Ural owl, in case you were wondering what kind it was.”

"what kind it was" is kinda redundant (and therefore clunky) because she has told him what kind of owl, therefore she doesn't need to qualify her statement with what it was concerning. (I don't think that was a sentence but I hope you get what I mean).

“I did no such thing.” she said


yourself.She spat.


He felt like he’d been drenched in shame


Overall:

Oh wow this was a fun chapter. Yeah, Strix definitely isn't Luna Lovegood, which I think is probably for the best given the situation. Maybe sometimes Grey needs someone to shout at him to tell him he's being an idiot. oh my god what if Strix meets Tommy i have to see that

I think my main criticism comes right towards the end. I don't really understand Strix's motive for trying to get him to admit he cares about Alder (oh, I also think she'd be more likely to say "your master/boss" rather than his name). Since I don't know her that well, I can't really estimate either. I think it's fine to not understand why, but I'd just need Grey to also be confused about specifically better.

I'm really, really interested to see how Strix comes back into the story. There's so many avenues this could go down and any hope of me going to bed after this review is gone.

See you at the next chapter in like five minutes,
Biscuits :)




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Tue Sep 05, 2017 3:08 am
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Que wrote a review...



Hey forti! Aha, so I see belatedly that you address like everything I mentioned last chapter at the top of this one, so sorry about that. But I'm so excited to see more of Strix!!

Strix sighed, and with a strange shuffling sound, an owl was standing right where she had been a second ago. It was about two feet tall, was mostly white with a scattering of dark grey streaks, and was staring at Grey with round black eyes.

So, I just find this a bit strange. He's probably looking at Strix's face, and then she turns into a two foot tall owl. Wouldn't that just look like she'd disappeared? I mean, my first instinct would be to look around me, not at the ground. Maybe she makes a little hoot and then he sees her sitting there? That would seem like a more normal reaction to me.

It looked at Grey a little longer, its head moving very smoothy—almost, grey though, like a machine.

Little typo here, "Grey thought". :) By the way, what's become of Gidgit of late...? Strix might be interested in him.

Don’t you have any feelings at all for someone in that place?” Strix goaded.

Hm, I know Strix is trying to get Grey to admit that he cares for Alder, and you want Grey to misinterpret that, but the way you put it seems a little swears, like Strix really does know. Maybe make it more like she's grasping for words and he jumps to a conclusion? I would go for something like, "Don't you have any feelings at all about it? Don't you care for something... for someone ..." Eh, that's a bit of a tough spot, but maybe you can work out something a little better!

Totally concerned about Grey's rage getting him into trouble at some point here. That was a bit scary. :) But honestly I love watching Grey and Strix interact, it's the best.

Nice job with this, I can't wait for more!!

-Q




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Sun Jul 30, 2017 12:20 am
PrincessInk wrote a review...



*shakes head* Grey....

But I can relate to his behavior. It's totally understandable that he'd be scared of Strix when he was raised with the stereotype that "witches are scary", and especially with that owlish look and a possible hint that she knew of his romantic feelings toward Ivy. Still, this is his own fault and I hope he will apologize eventually.

And I also totally get the feel that if one person of a group of people does something bad, EVERYBODY there gets labeled badly as well. Generalization is NOT GOOD. I'm pretty sure that the witches don't like this Hilda person either.

From their conversation, I was sensing that Grey was rather fearful of her--like he was enjoying their conversation even though she's a witch. One thing I might want to nitpick is that I honestly didn't realize myself that Strix was scared of him as well, and perhaps it's only obvious when the reader looks back with that knowledge in their head or readers can infer her emotions from her body language. Or perhaps that would be out-of-bounds for PoV. *two cents*

Alder??? She was talking about Alder?? It's surprising but I wouldn't be overly surprised if Grey did care for Alder. He has his own little charms like being crazy for fun ;)

I imagine that Grey must have that sinking feeling in his stomach after walking off--so yes, yes, go apologize to mend the relationship. I hope he does because I'm quite fond of Strix. She feels like one of those innocent, wild-but-wise characters. Plus her familiar is SO interesting! I'm hoping I can see more of her and maybe some interactions with the other characters.




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Thu Jul 27, 2017 11:56 am
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BluesClues wrote a review...



Continuing to love Gwen/Strix/whatever you decide on as a permanent name. Until Grey talked to her in this chapter, I didn't realize he's not a fan of Alder and was just sticking around for a place to live (and somewhere to work on his sneaky secret machine). That's really intriguing to me simply because at this point in the story we actually know Alder's not crazy, even if he does have trouble getting his point across in a noncrazy-sounding way.

“I can’t believe you’d accuse me of something like that! I was only trying to get you to admit that you love Alder,


Did she MEAN to say Alder here? I wasn't sure if she actually meant to say Ivy because she did somehow know about her, or if she was trying to get Grey to admit he stays on with Alder because he cares about Alder despite the guy's apparent craziness.

I love what an sjw she is when it comes to her people and how she totally calls Grey out on using "witch" as an insult. I know he's mooning over Ivy but tbh I feel like Strix could be good for him. Although as a friend she could certainly straighten him up proper so I like his interactions with Ivy better - he just needs to listen to Strix instead of Tommy (that rat).

I dunno, I just really like Strix as a character but I also feel like Grey could really grow under her influence, without even realizing it.

Image




Rook says...


for that part you quoted, it was the second thing, that deep down he really does care for Alder.
Thanks for the review!




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