Hey fortis! Here I am as requested!
When I initially read this I thought you just painted a really good full picture and mood with this piece, so I gave it a like right away - even with a quick surface-level reading it's just enjoyable to read. Looking a bit deeper into this, I really am not sure if there's a way to read the poem as a larger metaphor for something more important than just the speaker's experience with public transportation, but I think you nail the humor element with a topic that I've never before really considered to be funny.
I don't think I've ever read a poem that captured sound in such interesting metaphors before. You cover this whole range of sounds that the subway? makes and with absolutely great imagery and word choice too.
This piece is a bit tough to understand because of its kind of sarcastic irony, but I believe it is a reflection on how frustrating the speaker finds the London Underground to be, with its sounds that they are just completely overwhelmed by how horrible it is.
The image you paint of it being a worm at the beginning, and then later as the speaker would almost rather be left as a worm themselves is a really great visual perspective too.
Another thing I really like too is just the word choice and some of the phrasing is written almost like a love poem to the subway - with the "o great tube" and the "stylus plunged between my ribs" - the double meaning where you can't tell if the speaker is being killed or seduced by the subway makes for a really hilarious reading that definitely subverts expectations. When reading a poem styled in this sort of way, with some of these allusions, one almost expects a sickly sweet love poem out of it, and then to get this lament about something as ordinary as a subway, is a great twist.
One weird aspect that I almost wanted as an addition to the poem though, is more about maybe the subway's point of view or the speaker imagining their thoughts a bit more. I was intrigued by the image of the people as the life-blood of the train/subway.
Another aspect, is I think that the ending didn't really punch the theme home enough. The last three lines don't feel like they come from the rest of the poem or sum up what's happened, since the whole poem is a difficult connection to this inanimate transportation method - being alone in the dark didn't feel conclusive enough.
Also really enjoyed all the little sound devices you used along the way in here, it's got just great rhythm and the bits of enjambment all really worked. Even though there was a lot of variety, it felt like it flowed really well, and kept it interesting to read.
Thanks for sharing your poetry, looking forward to read the next one!
alliyah
Points: 144525
Reviews: 1227
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