This is Nikayla here dropping in for a review!
So, somebody has to review this. You can see that everyone else was shaking in their boots to review this piece because it's just SO GOOD, and I have to admit that I am too. Like, wowie. Anyway, let's move aside from my gushing and jump into why I actually am gushing about this piece so much.
Maybe this summer, I won't be afraid of fire.
My hand won't shake with the match,
rubbing all the flames off an entire box.
One match will suffice, and it will light
with more than a cough of smoke.
I won't feel weak-kneed just holding the box of matches.
I won't imagine the house going up in flames,
the vinyl chair melting into a black pool on the charring carpet,
the CD stack melting together,
my book pages eaten by tongues of fire, gentle as moths.
I love the imagery in this first stanza, and I have almost no complaints regarding it. Not any majors ones, anyway. I like the first line that kicks off the piece and introduces us to the first stanza, with a nice structure and flow to it. I do believe that the first line of the first stanza would be more beneficial if you put 'maybe' behind it for the repetition as well as the continuity that this is only a maybe and not definite. Though, it could be your intention that this first stanza is a more definite one in thought. The last four or so lines and their flow are a little weak, I do have to say. Rewording is something that could easily fix that problem for you, since it's the sixth and seventh lines that have a hard time connecting with each other.
Maybe this summer, fireworks won't explode in my chest
on the fourth of July, leaving my eyes dazzled, and my heart in a frenzy,
doing backflips and tangling up my arteries so they twist and choke.
Maybe it won't feel like a sudden circulatory system reboot;
I won't imagine EMTs standing over me with defibrillation paddles.
I won't imagine someone standing right behind me,
pistol in hand, as I look down and the brand-new hole in my chest
before my system really does shut down,
first from shock,
second for the obvious.
This stanza is a lot more technical than the last stanza, though it works because it's what is required in a way. I don't have much to comment on this stanza since it's quite amazing, though the flow of the last five lines here are a little clunky regarding the flow. Or to be more specific, awkward. In the line before it, you end it where it begins, though in this next line, it drags on for quite some time and I'd like to see a breather somewhere in-between. In a way, I find this to be unique in its own right from the first stanza in its imagery, and its content, though it's tied together by the structure, the repetition, and the overarching theme so well that it works.
Maybe this summer I won't imagine barrels of rifles sticking out of the passenger-side window of every single car that drives toward me, head-on as I walk on the technically correct side of the street, close enough to them to brush the chrome on its bumper if I wanted to lose a finger, close enough for point blank range, close enough to not have enough time to run, never enough time, why am I walking outside alone, what do I do, but it's too late because it's ripping though my chest again, this time front to back, and it feels nothing like fireworks.
The shift into being a prose poem is something that still feels a little unnatural, but overall I think it fits the piece to go this way. The anxiety that spreads throughout this stanza affects me and actually causes me an actual bit of it myself--that's how impactful and powerful this stanza is. The 'and it feels nothing like fireworks' is the cherry on top to all of this. While the flow is a little hard to manage here, and that's because the thoughts in this stanza are so rushed, it works.
Maybe this summer I won't confuse the color of the red lights that blink
on wind turbines miles away
with the warm summer rain that patters on my roof
while I lay sweating on my bed.
These ending lines are powerful. The repetition and overarching theme ties the poem together with a bow on top, and I have to say that it's one of my overall favorites from you because of that. If you have any questions, feel free to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day.
Points: 220
Reviews: 1081
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