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Connection - 36

by fortis


~1004 words

When Numbers’s house had been modern, chic, and extravagant and No Name’s home had been comfortable, Angelface’s apartment was dirty, depressing, and dimly-lit. Kerra sat on an oily armchair across from her hostess who was sitting hunched forward on a folding chair.

“Out with it,” Angelface said, her voice tired and thin. “Why are you here? Her blonde hair was hanging limply down her back and over her shoulders. Kerra thought that the circles under her eyes were darker than usual.

“Of all the gang, you knew Shandi the best, right?” Kerra asked, unsure of how she should approach this or what she even wanted from Angelface.

She snorted, a sound that was strange coming from her skinny, delicate nose. “You could say that, yeah.”

“I’m coming to you specifically because of that.”

“Why do you need me? You’re her sister with the magic brain link. You should know her better than anyone!”

“She didn’t talk to me a lot. Probably not nearly as much as you figure.”

“Okay,” Angelface said.

Kerra struggled to find her words. “So this is going to sound crazy. And part of me thinks that I am going crazy. But you need to believe me.”

Angelface straightened and gave Kerra a look of passing curiosity. “Go on.”

She took a deep breath and said, “I think… I’ve seen a ghost.”

Angelface’s expression turned skeptical and annoyed, like she couldn’t believe Kerra would be wasting her time like this. “And?”

“Well, it was Shandi.”

“I think I see Shandi everywhere since she died. You’re not special. It was just someone who looked like her. Or a trick of the light. Or your own reflection.” Angelface’s voice was hard and bitter, and she’d looked away from Kerra into a dark corner of the room.

“It wasn’t like that though, it was a like a vision!” She didn’t know how to explain what she’d seen. With Maru and Drigg it had been so easy.

“She comes in my dreams too. Whatever Kerra. Are you here just to tease and torment me, or did you actually want my help with something?”

“No, no, I wasn’t asleep. My vision went all blue and she stepped toward me and talked with me. I talked to a couple friends about it and they think that it has something to do with the connection, and I don’t know why I came to you other than just the fact that you knew her too and I don’t know if I can handle seeing her again but she said she’d come back and-”

“Geez okay! Calm down Kerra!” Angelface said, cutting off the tumble of words. “You’ll be fine. Just breathe, okay?”

Kerra nodded and sniffed. She hadn’t realized that she’d begun to cry.

“Okay, yeah, maybe you saw some kind of weird connection vision. Okay, I’ll believe it. Maybe there is an afterlife after all. Color me surprised, but sure, yeah. Whatever. But I still don’t know what you want from me. Thanks for telling me I guess.” Angelface shifted in her seat.

“I don’t know either. I just needed to tell someone. Someone who knew her well. What am I supposed to say to her?” Kerra let out a laugh, which felt weird with the mood she was in. “Do I say like, ‘Hey sis, sorry you died and all that. What’s the afterlife like? Do they have snacks there?’ or what?”

Angelface gave a tight smile and shrugged. “Say whatever you want.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s the reasonable answer.”

Silence for a minute, then Angelface said, “I heard about your mom. I’m sorry about that. Although Shandi always went on and on about how awful she was, so I dunno.”

“Thanks for the condolences. And yeah, she and Shandi butted heads a lot, I guess.” Kerra stared down at the circuits running across her palms. Skinny little lines pulsing with the blue glow of Kerra’s life. Sometimes she wondered if they would keep glowing after she died.

“Hey,” Angelface said suddenly, “you’re trying to figure out who killed your mom, right?”

“Yeah?” Kerra said, looking up. She’d heard the tone of what sounded like an idea in Angelface’s voice.

“Well, maybe, if you really are seeing Shandi’s ghost in the afterlife or whatever, maybe, just maybe your mom is there too!”

“Huh, yeah, maybe,” Kerra said. “But I doubt she’d be able to speak with me. I think it’s just because of the connection that Shandi can speak with me. Otherwise everyone would be seeing ghosts all the time, right?”

“Well, I did say that I am, but yeah, you’re right, that’s different.” Angelface gave a dark laugh. “No, what I mean is that you could talk to Shandi and ask her if she could talk to your mom. Ask her how she died and stuff! That would solve your mystery easy as pie!”

“That’s a good idea, but…” Kerra’s expression darkened.

“But?” Angelface pressed.

“But I doubt that Shandi would even agree to do that,” she finished. “She really hated Ruth. You said it yourself. Why would she be willing to talk to her in the afterlife?”

“Maybe death changed her perspective on her relationships?” Angelface said hopefully.

“Maybe,” said Kerra. “She also probably doesn’t even know that Ruth died. Ruth didn’t know that Shandi died. They’re oblivious of each other’s deaths. They wouldn’t even know to look for each other without me.”

“Huh, yeah that could be a problem,” Angelface said.

“If the afterlife is crowded, which, I’d imagine it must be, right?”

Angelface nodded.

“Then I’d imagine that they’d never bump into each other accidentally either.” Kerra thought over the predicament. “Yeah, I think you’re right, Angel.”

“When am I not?” she said with an exhausted but wry smirk.

“When Shandi comes next time, I’m going to tell her mom died, and ask her to look for her.”

“When do you think she’ll be back?” Angelface asked.

“I have no idea. I just know that she said she would, and I believe her.”


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143 Reviews


Points: 10761
Reviews: 143

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Sat Apr 27, 2019 7:53 am
Toboldlygo wrote a review...



Hey there! Very interesting read! Unfortunately, by the time you get to Chapter 36, it can be a little difficult to understand everything that's going on in the story, even for those who have been following since the beginning. I would suggest having a couple sentences to recap the last couple of chapters and briefly introduce/remind us of the characters. It isn't something you see in chapter books, but it something that authors writing series do in the first couple pages or paragraphs of the book (or in a prologue), just to introduce any new readers and familiarize returning fans. I personally think that on platforms like Young Writers' Society, it makes more sense to do that than to start cold, especially after several chapters. It's certainly impressive, though, to see how far this piece has come and where you're going with it!

I'm not really sure that you have either the best beginning or ending for this chapter. The opening starts fairly cold, and we don't have much context for the setting or what's happening. That's okay sometimes for a cliffhanger, but this doesn't really strike me as a cliffhanger opening.

The ending is also rather bland. It just stops. There is no finish, no conflict or hint of conflict, no advancement and no resolution to anything. It just is where you stopped writing. I think it would be more satisfying to get a good breaking point in the story, one that will make us all want to come back and read the next chapter.

Overall, this was an enjoyable read. You have a strong sense of who your characters are, where they come from, and where they're going. It's a good story with a defined plot and direction of movement. Very nicely done!

Toboldlygo




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657 Reviews


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Tue Mar 19, 2019 11:26 pm
ShadowVyper wrote a review...



Fort!

I'm late to the party, but I'm here. Better late than never, eh? I'm super excited to see what happens this week, so let's get started, shall we?

I think I see Shandi everywhere since she died.


Awww, my heart </3

“I heard about your mom. I’m sorry about that. Although Shandi always went on and on about how awful she was, so I dunno.”


Not great at comforting, are we, Angelface?

“Well, maybe, if you really are seeing Shandi’s ghost in the afterlife or whatever, maybe, just maybe your mom is there too!”


:o

~ ~ ~

!!!

That is all xD I don't have much in the way of a review for you this week I guess. I like that you are consistently keeping this story moving forward -- it's fresh and interesting and I am always excited to read what you're going to have next.

I am having a bit of a hard time keeping the gang straight. I mean it makes sense that there's so many members of a gang -- but they were all introduced more or less at the same time and it's kinda hard for me this late in the story to remember which name went with which character. And that's probably a me thing -- I have a chronically bad memory with all stories ever. I even forget details about my own novel that I'm writing xD But I thought I'd throw it out there in case other readers also might struggle with that.

Otherwise, this was as lovely as ever! I am dying to know who murdered Ruth and why the captain is going around murdering people and how Everen is going to prove that. As always, you have me simultaneously interested in both stories, and, as always, I remain impressed at your ability to weave the story lines together so flawlessly. Awesome job!

Keep writing!

~Shady 8)





You know what the big problem is in telling fantasy and reality apart? They're both ridiculous.
— The 12th Doctor