Published September 8, 2005
Twisted, vile words,
snaking through the air,
winding up my throat
as the noose i wish you would place there.
You curse and haunt me,
killing my spirit
with your burning phrases
but not my body.
Simply plunge the dagger into my heart,
draw true blood,
and end this morbid stabbing
of my mind and soul.
But you force me to linger on,
wallowing in my worthlessness,
to face you in the mornings
and when I arrive home at night.
So grant me this one request,
a simple one it is,
tie the noose or use the dagger.
Won't you please just end my life?
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,752 Literary Works • 675,685 Reviews
Twisted, vile words,
snaking through the air,
winding up my throat
as the noose i wish you would place there. - i dont understand the last line
You curse and haunt me,
killing my spirit
with your burning phrases
but not my body.
Simply plunge the dagger into my heart,
draw true blood,
and end this morbid stabbing
of my mind and soul.
But you force me to linger on,
wallowing in my worthlessness,
to face you in the mornings
and when I arrive home at night. - rid of "and"
So grant me this one request,
a simple one it is,
tie the noose or use the dagger.
Won't you please just end my life?
Wow.
Ugh.
Um, ah. Scary! I like the ending, it's fine.
Its just creepy. The poem itself?
It was a little confusing at times. You should read it over because the flow is a bit bumpy. This poem was really interesting and really well written. I can see that your really creative so try to think of more creative plots for poems, 'kay?
KEEP WRITING!
I liked the imagery in the first stanza. Very cool. The second is kind of wierd. I don't know how. Lol!
and why, may I ask,
don't you just kill me?
I liked how you switched it up instead of just saying "and why don't you just kill me?" or " and may I ask, why don't you just kill me?" It makes it more interesting. Nice job!
****
There is emotion, but it's not really portrayed in the words. I mean, it is, but the words used could be less... cliche? The first stanza was all right, but the second one... I think you should revise it.
This was short
.
And I hoped you weren't trying to rhyme air with ear
Twisted vile words,
snaking through the air
like water slithering off rock
and into my ears.
It's a bit strange that you used words associated with snake for both air an rock in my opinon. SO Um, change it a bit.
Hating, cursing
I wonder why you do this
to me
and why, may I ask,
don't you just kill me?
I don't think you needed to put the "to me" on a nother line but whatever.
The request is simple: Because they don't have a killing weapon.
This of course is what I call me being sarcastic.
I wish you could make it longer, and one day you will.
Nice Job.