A Mass of Swirling Water
It came as our death sentence,
a huge, spinning mass,
swirling in circles, tummeling in sheets
of death, like daggers,
a million tiny daggers destroying us
It drove us apart, conquering us,
that mass of swirling water.
It forced us to ask questions,
to wonder where the life had gone,
where the city itself had gone.
Where were the people,
those that had stood behind us,
those that had taught us,
those that had helped us,
where were they now?
And the mass of swirling water brought us an answer
to the questions it had so cleverly forced upon us.
And it came with the corpses,
the rotting bodies of the people,
unburied, unknown.
We had lost yet another game to Nature,
who had so deviously played her hand,
defeating our technology as she always did.
For it was in that mass of swirling water
that she played her final card...
and won.
A lesson to be learned from New Orleans.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
this was great...i rarely like poems...and i just loved this...just one typo though...corpes should be corpse...anyway...great job!
Wow! Nice job!
Some parts seem a wee bit forced, but apart from that, I really like it.
Especially this.
We had lost yet another game to Nature,
who had so deviously played her hand,
defeating our technology as she always did.
For it was in that mass of swirling water
that she played her final card...
and won.
Wow! Nice job!
Some parts seem a wee bit forced, but apart from that, I really like it.
Especially this.
We had lost yet another game to Nature,
who had so deviously played her hand,
defeating our technology as she always did.
For it was in that mass of swirling water
that she played her final card...
and won.