A Mass of Swirling Water

A Mass of Swirling Water

It came as our death sentence,
a huge, spinning mass,
swirling in circles, tummeling in sheets
of death, like daggers,
a million tiny daggers destroying us

It drove us apart, conquering us,
that mass of swirling water.
It forced us to ask questions,
to wonder where the life had gone,
where the city itself had gone.

Where were the people,
those that had stood behind us,
those that had taught us,
those that had helped us,
where were they now?

And the mass of swirling water brought us an answer
to the questions it had so cleverly forced upon us.
And it came with the corpses,
the rotting bodies of the people,
unburied, unknown.

We had lost yet another game to Nature,
who had so deviously played her hand,
defeating our technology as she always did.
For it was in that mass of swirling water
that she played her final card...
and won.

A lesson to be learned from New Orleans.

Comments & reviews · 3
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this was great...i rarely like poems...and i just loved this...just one typo though...corpes should be corpse...anyway...great job!

User avatar
Jennafina
Comment

Wow! Nice job!

Some parts seem a wee bit forced, but apart from that, I really like it.

Especially this.

We had lost yet another game to Nature,
who had so deviously played her hand,
defeating our technology as she always did.
For it was in that mass of swirling water
that she played her final card...
and won.

User avatar
Jennafina
Review

Wow! Nice job!

Some parts seem a wee bit forced, but apart from that, I really like it.

Especially this.

We had lost yet another game to Nature,
who had so deviously played her hand,
defeating our technology as she always did.
For it was in that mass of swirling water
that she played her final card...
and won.



Every first draft is perfect, because all a first draft has to do is exist.
— Jane Smiley