Published March 28, 2011
Lurking
am I,
in the dark of my own shadow.
Try and find me.
I dare you to open up those
sewn closed lashes.
Smiling,
my mouth
seems to be happier than my eyes.
I should be an actress
because it's not like you see
through this mask.
Look.
"Hi, my name is Molly, and I'm not so happy afterall."
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139,427 Literary Works • 672,561 Reviews
We don't stalk, we follow! ^_^ (Muahahahaha)
*Tries not to seem like I'm stalking your profile*
I love how short and simple this is. It voices the unvocalized heartaches of so many in so few words.
Bravo once again!
I would take out the first comma--read it out loud. You wouldn't normally pause ther, so I don't think you need it in this poem.
I don't think anything's wrong with the formatting--is this why your next poem was all together, instead of separated into stanzas?
All in all, I think this is a beautiful poem (though sewn closed body parts always make me cringe.)
Hmmm. Very interesting *Strokes chin-beardy thingy*. I like the actual poem, I can say that upfront, but the formating is weird. It is obvious that the formating is different for a reason, but Im not sure if it gave your poem the extra 'umph'. Good job on the poem, but maybe be a little less risky with formating.
Hello, nice meeting you here. Seriously I had no idea you wrote this. I loved it, really. Good job on writing this. I like this because the message in it is what I always try to tell people. Or the world, really.