fortune cookies

by flyingcookielizard

Published June 2, 2009

fortune cookies tell you everything you want to hear
from you will be rich to you will find what your heart desires.

the cookie tastes so good but too much of a good thing will hurt you.
the fortune is not real its fake like everything else!

so go ahead read and eat the lies!!

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
Kaylyn
Review
Kaylyn wrote a review Review · Jun 5, 2009

If you want to call this a poem I think that you need more structure and a more steady beat, or rhythm. I think that you should break up the long lines into shorter ones. You need a steady and easygoing flow. I also think that you should put way more time into this and put more meaning into it. I also suggest that you use different diction. This sounds as if an elementary school kid wrote this. Just use a bigger vocabulary. Anyways, good luck with your writing, practice makes perfect.

~Kaylyn

thedelphinater wrote a review Review · Jun 2, 2009

Um, I'm not quite sure what to say about this, other than I think it's in the wrong section. I wouldn't exactly consider it poetry for lack of basically any sort of poetic element, grammar, punctuation, etc. Words arranged prettily across a page don't count as poetry. This probably belongs more in the other section as an essay of sorts. And not to sound mean, but this is probably something that you don't even really post. This is more something you put as a blog. Sorry if I sound a little harsh, but it's the truth.



Memories, left untranslated, can be disowned; memories untranslatable can become someone else’s story.
— YiYun Li