some of us
are born mid-sentence
as if the story started without us
& we’ve been chasing the plot ever since,
with hands that twitch in sleep,
feet that remember roads we’ve never walked,
our mouths full of names we never learned.
my father once said we come from
a line of runners who never took off their shoes
& now the man I love draws maps on napkins,
dreams in longitude.
someone has to break the rhythm,
or teach it how to dance.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,794 Reviews
Hello, My Friend!
Pleasure to meet you! My name is Raven, and upon discovering this little gem in the Green Room, I thought I'd give it a review! I hope you don't mind!
To start, this poem is beautifully-written and I love the idea behind it. From what I can understand, it feels like it's addressing certain expectations that are placed on us, be they by our families, our culture, or our greater society. And in the process, sometimes we wind up being a plot-device in our own stories, so to speak. And there is something about that that is fascinating to think about!
*ahem* As far as a more technical review goes, I don't really have much to complain about here. I do feel like maybe a little grammar touch-up could help this read a bit more smoothly, such as capitalizing the start of each line. But of course, grammar in poetry is such a hotly-contended topic as it is, so please take that with a big grain of salt. This poem was still very nice as-is!
For favorite lines and parts, hmmm...I would have to go with:
Cutting right to the point with that great intro, and I love the message here. This feels like a profound quote from an old poet! Indeed, too many people do find themselves just chasing down the plot, not bothering to stop and chart out the details, or even forge their own...Ah, lovely.
Another amazing moment that makes you reflect. "Roads we've never walked, names we never learned." It feels like a nod to these concepts that we grow SO familiar with from birth, yet have never lived them ourselves and won't for a very long time.
Overall, that poem was simply amazing! Nicely done!
"They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.”
"I would define, in brief, the poetry of words as the rhythmical creation of Beauty."
i ADORE this, oh my gosh
Hi! I love the way you have written this poem. I think you can maintain a rhyme scheme to make your poem more attractive. Other than that I love the way you have written the emotions in such a way that the reader can understand what you r trying to express. I m definately looking forward to your upcoming poems:)
Keep on writing!!
ahh this is such a pretty poem!!