Young Writers Society

Thanks for the info about limericks. Obviously, I don't pay attention to terminology; I just write, haha.
I really appreciate everything that you said, and I'm definitely going to take the advice to heart. My writing style has always been very blunt, and I think I write that way because it's what I prefer to read. This is probably bad, but I think I write more for myself than the reader...oops. Haha.

I believe that metaphors and polysyndetons and other literary devices can be beautiful, but I get enough of them in english class. I understand this probably makes me seem a bit...err...dim in my writing, but I've always loved choppy, short, simple phrases. They are what affect me the most as a writer and a reader.

Anyways, thanks again for the response, and I will definitely make a few changes. I just wanted to let you know where I'm coming from. (:

Jen

Hello!

So, yeah. A limerick is a humorous, five-line poem with a rhyme scheme of AABBA - so lines 1, 2, and 5 rhyme, and then lines 3 and 4 rhyme. So these aren't limericks.

First of all, in the first poem, capitalize the I in the second stanza and ditch the comma in the last line. Secondly, I'm not sure exactly what feeling closely means. Like intensely? Like the sadness is absolutely crushing? One of the challenges of poetry is not to tell or even show how you're feeling, but to make the reader feel it too. The first stanza has potential if you were to expand on it some but overall I think it's too weak.

I think the main problem with all of these is that they don't seem thought-out enough. I mean, obviously they're fairly personal and I think you did a great job of getting your feelings out in writing; but that doesn't mean the reader will be able to identify or, to be blunt, care at all. Don't forget about the reader. And what I mean by that is what I said above: make the readers feel.

For example:

You make me unhappy.

Ew! No! That's so boring, especially compared to something like:

In your presence, I feel a soul-crushing, oppressive hopelessness and unbearable weight of mediocrity.

Yeah, so a bit pretentious, but still better than the first one, right?

Rhyme can be very useful but it's not necessary, and can handicap a poem especially one that lacks pretty word. Poetry should make the readers feel, and think, and wonder, which these just...don't. Try and use similes or metaphors as symbolism, because that will add some necessary imagery; otherwise it's just words.

I did go off on kind of a tangent, didn't I? Or two? Don't be discouraged. These are cute, but then, cute's not really what you're going for, is it? I think that with some time and practice you can shape them into something really good.
Hope this helped.
-Mars