Published September 8, 2006
SHADOW DANCE
A shadow walks this road so lonely
Fading from the darkened past
I remember what the fire told me-
That even shadows do not last
A specter runs by long dead faces
Pale under a ghostly moon
Jeering, teasing as she chases
Wisps of dreams; elusive, doomed
A wraith's lost her mind to the soul-less
The ash of a forgotten fire
Beaten down, friendless, homeless
Turned away from funeral pyre
And the stars that once showed mercy
Upon this fragile figure's plight
Now sneer and scorn and laughing, forsee
Hope's last life slipping in the light
That specter's heart beats inside me
Her ghostly hand is also mine
My withered soul is in wraith's body
Death resonates from spirit chimes
And the moonlight shows the stirred-up dust
Where I danced in a sweeter time
Once roses twined with truth and trust
Now only blackened love is left behind
And only ashes rise to greet me
The roses now are naught but thorns
Eternally struggling to defeat thee
Though now I welcome their pain and scorn
A shadow falls in this road so lonely
A specter's tears water this cold shore
Sand is soft against a wraith--me!
But now this shadow is no more
Copyright firefaery 2006
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140,586 Literary Works • 673,540 Reviews
Ok i have to say that i really like this poem too. As has been said. Im not sure of the meaning. But still i liked it.
Hmm...very nice poem (language choice was excellent), but I think that the first stanza is off beat from the rest of the poem. Every other poem has the first-third, second-fourth rhyming rhythm, but the first stanza doesn't. I would change that so it flows better.
Also, some of the lines (as gyr pointed out) were off rhythm. I suggest reading it out loud and I'm sure you could catch them.
I would do a semicolon after "elusive." It keeps the same pattern.
Dash after down.
This line is way too long, I would do:
Now sneer, scorn, and laughing, forsee or something like that. (If you even need any "and's" in there.
Awkward line.
No need for and.
No need for now.
All in all, beautiful poem! I really liked your style, but just concentrate on not being too wordy. Very nice job!
Wiggy
I love dark poems. I'm really morbid that way. I like this one a lot. I'm not sure of the meaning, but I don't go for meaning in a poem. If it's good, it doesn't have to have a meaning. It's a whole lot better than I could write.
hello!
very nicely dark poem (oxymoron, I know), I quite enjoyed it. there were just a few lines I got kinda hung up on, the same basic thing each line:
nothing wrong with the lines themselves, just their rhythm within the poem, they kinda threw me off. maybe a different number of syllables than the others, I don't know.
sorry I can't be more helpful!
I really do like it!