Published January 11, 2011
I was sopposed to emulate Emily Dickenson for a school assignment. This is my best try.
A person dies Three times
Once- when madness engulfs the mind
Slithering in slowly - Suffocating
Changing the self paradigm
Twice_ when the body fails
Venom surges through veins –Gnawing
Skin taunt over bone; a Stark canvas
Kept animated by pain
The final time- memories are forgotten in the mind
Loved ones freed from -Longing
Scrubbed away by the hands of time
Time the dead ones been denied
This poem is in loving memory of Tom who died January second 2011.
I know he will never die a final time.
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139,388 Literary Works • 672,542 Reviews
This is a wonderful thought. I love how you took the meters and made them awkward. Bringing two thoughts from two sentences in one line. The only thing that I have to pick on is the rhyming. You did it well in the first stanza, bringing the first line and last line together in a rhyme, but most of the time you want to repeat that in the other stanzas. It looks like you tried, but approximate rhymes don't really fit with this kind of poem. It is great how it is any way, so no changes are needed, just a suggestion should you be looking for a stronger impact.
Wow... This was sad but was sweet in the same way... I liked the way it flowed, very profesional sounding. A deep, moving, darkly fascinating poem that drew me into it faster than most do. I'm sorry about the person who you dedicated this to though.