Published November 29, 2011
This needs a new title. And I'm going to try and fix some of the stanzas in the middle
Play a song. This one
Was Marianne’s favourite.
Plummeting through realities:
Each is painted with a new and foreign palette.
I will follow you anywhere
If I can hear you sing,
Ride the winds,
Knit up the seas to keep you warm.
I can look into the ceiling like a well.
Not even clocks move clockwise.
Who needs innocence when there are
Fresh purples to find out? –
Furniture changes shape
If you turn away for a second.
News says, 50 years of sex abuse
At somebody’s old school –
Don’t think about time. Time
Didn’t think about Marianne.
She: tickle behind your ribcage,
Space which used to cradle rainbows.
This one was Marianne’s favourite.
The bounding elastics of your fingertips
Will dry up.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,524 Literary Works • 672,598 Reviews
First off I loved this poem. The whimsical nature it had served to hid serious undertones, as each little stanza was a separate statement in the whole of the poem. Though all the images don't make perfect sense like
That being said most of the lines were creative and had a certain depth to them
The only thing I would improve is I would omit the needless pieces in the middle in order to make it more thematically complete. But brilliant simply brilliant.
Thers
Hey I'm Rachel and I'll be reviwing for you today.
ok so either I'm not thinking, but I didn't understand what you meant by these lines. pleas clarify for me.
didn't see any gramatical errors. this is a pretty nice poem.