Can nobody hear me?

i like it, i think it's something that everyone can relate to at some point in their life. very good.

Well done is how I'm going to start out. I think many people can relate to this. I can tell that a lot of feeling and thought was put into it. Like how when you write or type something you don't even think, you just feel. I can tell that from this poem. It was very nice. There was only one thing which was the word "bellowed" because it seemed to stop the poem for a minute. It held it back but it was a well written poem.

I like the poem. It is interesting and it flows well. The poem's meaning is true. People search for a person that will listen to them. You feel all alone and keep searching for a person to listen. Sometimes you find that person. Other times you don't find that person. If you enter that in a poerty contest it will get close or will be first place.

No voice called out to greet me
Across the blustery breeze

I have one minor problem with this brilliant poem.

“Can nobody hear me?” I shouted
“Can nobody hear me?” I screamed.
And the world moved on in its deafness
Like a wretched, endless dream.
“Is there nobody here who can take me
To the place I need to be?
Can nobody hear me?!” I bellowed
But nobody listened to me.

“Can nobody hear me?” I shouted
In a desperate attempt to be heard,
But my speech fell into the silence
And nobody caught my words.
No voice called out to greet me
Across the blustery breeze
And nobody stepped out to listen
From under the shadowy trees.

Nobody could hear me, I realised,
And nobody wanted to hear
In the silence of my loneliness
The horrible truth became clear.
So with nobody there to stop me,
I set off to go somewhere
To find someone who would listen
To find someone who would care.

Erm, the realised thing: not a mistake, I'm English. Realized is American. Listen and trees aren't supposed to rhyme, the rhyme scheme is ABCBDEFE. Speech falling into silence is a metaphor. The purpose of the trees is to give a sense of the setting - I suppose it's my view of the place, maybe I need to put that across more clearly to the audience.

Thanks for all your comments, I think the thesaurus idea is really useful. It's good to know which words don't work so that I can change them.

I loved that! I could relate to that, and it really struck home. I only saw one mistake and it was you put " realised" and I think it should be "realized" but it was really great. I loved it and would love to read more of your work. Message me or something when you post something else!

fhwdf wrote:And nobody stepped out to listen
From under the shadowy trees.

I'm not much of a critique, mainly because I think constructive criticism is still criticism(I'm not one to care of others feelings much, but I understand pain so I don't.) I think that, to help your work that you should use a thesaurus. You have a beautiful way of saying things. Your poem truly illustrates the message, you just need rhyme and flow. It is what what makes a special quality to poetry that makes places it in a scale of harmony. Well done, I hope you post more work. This was a high quality poem, if there was a few things done differently I would not have known you were not a known poet.

Hello. I'm not very sure on how poems are supposed to be punctuated and stuff so I will leave that for another reviewer. My comments will be in bold.

“Can nobody hear me?” I shouted
“Can nobody hear me?” I screamed.
And the world moved on in its deafness
Like a wretched, endless dream.
“Is there nobody here who can take me
To the place I need to be?
Can nobody hear me?” I bellowed bellowed doesn't seem like a very good word choice here, it messes up the flow of your poem
But nobody listened to me.

“Can nobody hear me?” I shouted
In a desperate attempt to be heard,
But my speech fell into the silence this part is a little confusing. how can speech fall into silence?
And nobody caught my words. love this line!
No voice called out to greet me
Across the blustery breeze the blustery breeze seems very out of place, since you didn't mention a breeze before.
And nobody stepped out to listen
From under the shadowy trees. again, shadowy trees seem out of place. what is their purpose?

Nobody could hear me, I realised, realised should be realized
And nobody wanted to hear
In the silence of my loneliness
The horrible truth became clear. love this line too!
So with nobody there to stop me,
I set off to go somewhere
To find someone who would listen
To find someone who would care.