Hello again! This will probably be another short review.
Two wisp talons were sitting on a branch a few feet above the wooden bridge on which Zoltar was standing. Their long snake like necks were stretched towards the full moon and waves of gold and silver were rippling over their scales.
They're on watch duty tonight, right? We learn that later. At first I thought they were asleep because they weren't responding, but then that didn't make sense because why would they be sleeping if they're on watch duty. It also doesn't make a lot of sense to me that they didn't notice Zoltar approaching them. If their duty is to protect the village from night creatures, wouldn't they notice an unfamiliar dragon approaching?
The wisp talons blinked their golden eyes and looked around for the source of the sound. Their eyes fell on Zoltar, who waved at them. Zoltar signaled for them to come down.
Again, this seems like a bit of a strange reaction. They don't know who Zoltar is or what he wants and he's in their territory at night. He just threw something at them and they just look at him and let him call the shots (signaling them down). Maybe it's a function of wisp dragon personality that they're a little more calm? But I would expect them to be down on him in a second questioning who he is and what he's doing there.
To his surprise they were smiling.
“Anything for our sister,” the large of the two said in a gruff voice.
They were giving him a hard look and then half a second later they're smiling? But they talk in a gruff voice?
Maybe I'm just overly skeptical, but I'm surprised they didn't question him a bit more. They haven't seen her in three days and they're going to trust this unfamiliar dragon when he say he knows her? I would imagine they would want to know how he met her, how he knows her, where she is, etc. Or at least prove who he is and that he knows her.
We haven’t seen her in three sun downs,”
This is really intriguing and goes back to the point I made earlier about being surprised she didn't accompany him to the village. It would have taken her a minute to bring him there and get him settled in, but she avoided it. She hasn't been there in three days. That makes me wonder if she's afraid of something or if she's avoiding something in the village...
“She said that she’d be back tomorrow morning. Emerald never told me that she had brothers,” Zoltar said.
I think the brothers should acknowledge this. What is their response or what is their reaction to the news that she'll be back tomorrow? Do they trust Zoltar? Do they believe him? And do they have any sort of reaction or response to the thing about brothers? They just skip right ahead to getting him inside. Maybe there's a reason they're avoiding the question or avoiding a response, and if that's the case, give a bit more of a heads up. Maybe Zoltar thinks it's strange that they didn't answer him or acknowledge what he said. That way the reader knows that this is strange and we'll start to wonder why they did that.
There was a brown poach in the corner in which Zoltar put the stone tablet for safe keeping.
Ever since he got this tablet, he hasn't really examined it. Is he waiting for a quiet moment or the safety of his own cave, or what? That tablet is key to the next part of his mission and I would think he would be anxious to get started on that.
‘I hope Felistia and Shiraku are okay. I guess I will have to wait and see tomorrow.’
Expand this line of thought. Why is he worried about them? What does he imagine they're thinking about him? What is his plan for tomorrow? Etc.
The plot didn't move forward in any huge ways in this chapter, but I still feel like we're slowly moving towards a goal here and that's good. Each chapter we get one little step closer. I think things move a bit slowly because there are so many little chapters and so many little events, but I'm still interested and intrigued by the plot. One plus of having short chapter will little things happening in each is that you have room for lots of interesting sub-plots and lines and I think you're balancing all of that really nicely. This is developing well and I think we're moving along nicely.
See you soon, and let me know if you have any questions/if anything was confusing!
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