Young Writers Society

I suppose since it's already been handed in you might not be looking for reviews, but hey, I'm here anyway!

Wow. Your syllables, rhythm and all that were spot on. It was so easy to read and rolled off my tongue. I even wonder if the third and forth lines, plus eight and nine, possibly the second to last, might be split into two lines each? It would emphasise the fast but steady speed of the poem.

I liked your language, the words spin together magically but they aren't overly complicated.

My only nitpick is 'the darkness breaks...' I think some time passes between when the storm breaks and the storm ending, and 'the' doesn't really show this. But if you added an N so it becomes 'then', that would suggest that some time has passed.

I could visibly see the animals hiding and waiting for the sun. It's also a wonderful message and links to my favourite quote: The darkest hour is before the dawn. I really liked this, thanks for sharing!!

Hello! Mockingjay78 here for a quick review. This is a very nice poem, just have a few suggestions.
"A blasting wind, a howling gale,
calls forth a malicious storm."

That's nice, but I would do something like;
"A blasting wind, a howling gale,
Calling forth a malicious storm."

And on this line;
"With thunder's deepened rumble does the sky transform"
I would do something like,
"When the thunder sounds" or
"When thunder's deepened rumble"

Just a few suggestions. Other than that, it's great!

Hello there, Luata here to write a review. It's been a while again since I've written any reviews, so please forgive me if I go off on a tangent or stop making sense (it's still early here). I'm not sure if I've reviewed any of your work before, so I'll give you the quick run-down of how my reviews work. I divide them into sections, trying to make them easier to read. If something I say doesn't make sense, or if you want me to elaborate on something, drop me a comment or a PM, I'd be more than happy to chat. You are the author, so take or leave my suggestions as they prove helpful. Onward and upward!

Overall

Overall, I thought this was really good for a school assignment. A lot of times, things written for school that people post on here seem to lack some passion, but yours lacks none, at least in my opinion. Your imagery and flow was spectacular (though the rhyme scheme tripped me up in a few places, but more on that later) and I thoroughly enjoyed reading your poem.

Grammar

I'm not usually the most qualified person to help with grammar, but I'll give it my best shot. Because your piece was short, there wasn't a great deal of grammar errors (at least, as far as my very not-grammar-savvy-eye can see) except for this one, which is a very tiny, tiny nit-picky detail.

with thunder's deepened rumble does the sky transform:

Lightning strikes in the abyss,

Lightning strikes in the abyss,

fire in the night,

and all around there's only silence,

the darkness breaks in a single shaft of bright.

Beautiful! Nice beginning, middle, and end, though a little hard to discern (perhaps a better transition between the pounding thunder and breathless silence- some sort of clear change to signal that things stop...?).

Also, who are the creatures? What are they doing besides waiting, or better yet, where are they waiting? One last thing, abyss and silence don't really rhyme or flow, so it breaks up the poem a little bit and makes for an uneven read.

Other than that, it's really beautiful and powerful, the vocabulary is well rounded, and it's a very powerful piece. It gives a certain amount of darkness in the beginning that's well balanced by the lighter aspects towards the end! I really like it!