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Young Writers Society



Huntress: Chapter 2.2- Pride [Edited; LMS]

by Featherstone


“What’s it?”

“I presume you’ve heard of Lord Kennewick?”

I nodded. Kennewick was the lord of the neighboring town, and one of the richer ones- wealthy enough even to possess a white gyrfalcon, a bird reserved mostly for kings.

“And of his hawk?”

“Yes.”

“Then I’m sure you can deduce my thinking.”

“Steal t’e bird?” I was incredulous- that was insanity. To steal a raptor, especially one so fine from a renowned noble— even if we did succeed it was suicide. When the Guard found out…I didn’t want to think about what would happen.

“Yes.”

“But…” Of course arguing with the Wildcat maybe wasn’t the best idea. I realized this halfway through my sentence and trailed off.

“But it’s dangerous. Risky. If we get caught, which is likely, punishment is severe. Even if that wasn’t a concern, how do we get in? How will we find a buyer for such black goods?”

Slowly I nodded.

“I’ve worked it all out. The Hunters are busy, and if we play our cards right they won’t be able to track us anyways. We’ll disguise ourselves as nobles, sneak into the ball Kennewick’s holding, retrieve the loot, and scram. Simple as that.”

“What’ll I be doin’?”

“Why, you’re the keystone of this plan of mine. The three of us— you, Ari, and I— are going to pose as nobles and you are going to get the bird. Once you have it, pass it off to Felicia, but make sure you keep the hood and bells- those are valuable. Then we kill time until the end of the party and return here.”

I was the keystone of the plan. Me. Agrona. The wolf-child who’d stumbled in on the Guild so many years ago, now working with the leader of the Guild.

“So what’re me orders, t’en?”

“Go to Felicia and give her this.” He handed me a folded note. “She’ll take it from there.”

“Yes, sir.”

“That’ll be all. You’re dismissed.”

“Yes, sir.” I ducked out of the room.

That was how I managed to get stuck in a dress on my fifteenth birthday. We’d spent many weeks preparing for the festivities so that we could blend in as nobles. I’d learned to speak with proper grammar, dance, and use proper manners as well as the geography and about the nobles that we would encounter there. Beyond that, we’d had to make characters, believable ones. I was Lady Branwen of the northern town of White Raven on the Borderlands. My father had recently passed, closely followed by my mother, so I’d been the only one left to take over our small town, in title only. For the most part it was Lord Arsalaan, a close family friend from Gorenstead who was portrayed by Ari.

Felicia gave my hair the last few adjustments before stepping back and analyzing my image. I prayed that she was done- I’d been standing there for over two hours as she helped me with my dress, did my make up and hair, and quizzed me on my character, all the while making me talk correctly instead of allowing me to slip into the street lilt I’d become so used to.

“That’ll do,” she finally said, her deep brown eyes thoughtful. “Now, tell me the plan, Lady Branwen.”

“I’m t’-“ I began before she cut me off.

“To. Now start again.”

“I’m to mingle with the nobles until Lynx gives me the signal. Then I find a way to the falcon, retrieve it, and bring it to you. After that I return to Ari and Lyn and kill time until the party ends.”

“And who is Ari?”

“Lord Arsalaan, a close friend who is taking care of my town, White Raven, until I come of age. He rules over Gorenstead.”

“Good, good. I do believe you’re ready, my dear Agrona.”

“I hope you’re right.”

“Oh, I’m sure I am. It’s your lucky day, after all- you’re fifteen today, yes?” Despite her strictness, Felicia was a kind soul.

I grinned. “Yep!”

“Then all the more luck to you. Now go meet Ari and Lynx before they start wondering what’s been keeping you. I’ll be right up with the carriage.” She shooed me out and I sprinted outside, quite a trick in the shoes I was being forced to wear.

“Where were you?” The Wildcat demanded as I slipped through the backdoor behind the tavern that we lived under.

“Just finishin’ w’ me disguise, sir,” I answered hurriedly.

“Finishing with my disguise,” Ari corrected.

“We ain’t t’ere yet,” I protested. “Don’ go makin’ me talk like them rich folk when we ain’t even gone nowhere.”

“Get into character now so you won’t have to later,” he advised. “It’s better that way.”

I knew better than to argue with Ari, so despite the impulse to do so I shut my mouth.

Felicia was up shortly with a black coach drawn by a pair of ebony horses. They were absolutely beautiful creatures, with shining blue coats and muscles rippling beneath the fur. Felicia herself sat at the front of the carriage, her eyes glinting with mischief.

“Here y’ are, m’ lords, lady,” she said. Lynx got in first, followed by Ari, and, lastly, myself.

I’d never ridden in a carriage before, or even on a horse. I’d only ever travelled on my own two feet, something I quickly found I preferred. I had no control whatsoever of where we went or how we got there- I was simply a passenger.

The thatch-roofed houses sped by, peasants stopping their work to stare at us as we trotted past. It all seemed so…distant, detached. I could feel every rock and bump in the road.

Soon the village was gone and in its place sat the never-ending sea of grassy savannah that populated the whole of the human lands. There was the cry of a gryphon in the distance as it proclaimed its prey as its own shortly after we startled a small herd of antelope. The sun was setting, casting fiery scarlet, brilliant titian, and shining golden rays across the formerly blue sky. The sun itself was orange in the fading light, making it seem all the brighter. Above it was Akaron, the brightest star in the sky. The first to rise in the morning and the last to set in the eve- that was why Akaron Hold, the first of the Hunter strongholds, had been named after it. It would persist through the night and the twilight, leaving only when nothing remained but the light.


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61 Reviews


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Fri Apr 21, 2017 10:50 pm
Feltrix wrote a review...



I'll just pick up where I left off.

IX. In the very first sentence, I'd say "What is it?" because I have never used 'what's' in that context.

X. "'But it’s dangerous. Risky. If we get caught, which is likely, punishment is severe. Even if that wasn’t a concern, how do we get in? How will we find a buyer for such black goods?'" Who's saying this? Agrona? It wasn't clear. And if it was, then she's contradicting herself. Agrona just said that it was a bad idea to argue with the Wildcat.

XI. How many people are in the room? Three? Four? I need some more dialogue tags.

Again, there's a lack of description about the setting and the characters. I don't need a ton of detail, just the rough outline. Why is the Wildcat going on this mission? Speaking as someone who knows a lot about organizing crime syndicates, it's a bad idea for the leader to put themselves in the line of fire. As I've stated (a lot) I'd really like some more descriptions, but overall, this chapter was cool and it seems like the plot is getting going.

Feltrix




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26 Reviews


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Sun Mar 26, 2017 1:46 pm
regismare wrote a review...



Hello again, featherstone!

More characters! More worldbuilding! Yaas. I really enjoyed this chapter. Felicia seems great (and Ari is so cool thus far), and I can't wait to meet all of the nobles and see how Agrona copes in such a different environment. So, are hawks or other exotic animals big money in this world, like they used to be in our world? If so, that's such a nice touch! It'd also explain why they're going to such lengths for a single falcon. I'm also anticipating something to go wrong in this mission, somehow, and raise the stakes for the characters.

As EternalRain said, why was Agrona chosen above everyone else? You mention her rising up through the ranks quickly during her first year, but it's not touched on much after - if that's why she was chosen, then perhaps remind the reader of it a bit more in the time leading up to her selection.

Now, the little things:

white gyrfalcon

Such beautiful birds! how did i know there would be a bird of prey in this story

To steal a raptor, especially one so fine from a renowned noble

To steal a raptor, especially one so fine, from a renowned noble
Just a personal thing, but is renowned the right word to describe this noble? I feel like the nobles aren't a very positive thing in this world, so perhaps renowned is too positive of a word.

found out…

There should be a space after the ellipses.

Of course arguing

You need a comma here after course.

White Raven on the Borderlands

I love this expanding of the world! It's so nice.

I’d never ridden in a carriage before, or even on a horse. I’d only ever travelled on my own two feet, something I quickly found I preferred. I had no control whatsoever of where we went or how we got there- I was simply a passenger.

Nice building on Agrona's emotions and mind.

This is getting really interesting! I can't wait to see what happens during their mission.

-regismare




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Tue Mar 07, 2017 5:50 am
EternalRain wrote a review...



Hi!

Oooh, I'm excited to see how this goes out! The ending definitely makes me want to read the third part.

Also, I like how we get to see more of Felicia here. We didn't learn much about her last chapter but we get some of her through and I'm hoping she's going to be a character Agrona interacts with more because I want to get to know her better (she seems pretty cool - strict yet kind? Awesome).

The first to rise in the morning and the last to set in the eve- that was why Akaron Hold, the first of the Hunter strongholds, had been named after it. It would persist through the night and the twilight, leaving only when nothing remained but the light.


I also loooved the last paragraph. I thought it was just really well done and the descriptions were lovely. The description of the setting sun was very beautiful. And that last sentence! Ahh, I completely loved it. Nice, smooth way to end the part (though I know this isn't technically the end of the chapter).

A couple "why?" points:

1) What's so important about Agrona? I think this needs to be made clear because why wouldn't Lynx (I believe that's the Wildcat) just choose someone else? There's always needs to be a reason behind decisions like these and it doesn't seem quite realistic that he'd just pick her - at least without giving us readers an explanation.

2) Why, exactly, do they need the falcon? I'm just curious because as a reader I don't what the characters just going out on a quest that means nothing, haha. Obviously the falcon must be really important but I want to know why.

I think that's it for this part. I'll probably get to the third tomorrow!

~EternalRain




Featherstone says...


Falcons are just expensive and they're thieves XD. Thanks for reading and reviewing! :)




'Tis the season to shovel enormous amounts of watermelon into your mouth while hunched over the cutting board like a dehydrated vampire that hasn't fed on blood in four hundred years and the only viable substitute is this questionable Christmas-colored fruit.
— Ari11