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Young Writers Society


16+ Violence

Huntress, Chapter 1: Pack (Book 1 in the Wolfsbane Chronicles)

by Featherstone


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.

Chapter 1: Pack

The girl slammed into her opponent at full force, knocking him to the ground. Before he could even recover, she was on him, fist raised. Around her, the howls and snarls of wolves around her egged her on. She punched him, then again, and again. He struggled against her grip, growling.

She would survive.

The boy slammed up his knee, jabbing her in the stomach. The girl fell back. He grappled her, fighting to pin her down so he could get his vengeance. The wolves around them started getting louder, encouraging him. She fought back as adrenaline pumped through her veins. They locked in combat, each matching the strength of the other.

She suddenly released him and dodged out of his way as he stumbled forward. Within seconds, she was behind him. The girl grabbed his chin in one hand and held his torso straight with the other.

The wolves yowled in excitement.

She would survive.

She snapped his neck.

He fell to the earth, limp and lifeless. The girl howled, raising her hands in victory.

She had survived.

All her life had been in preparation for this moment, when she was pitted against all the other wolf-children in the Pack. The last survivor was the only cub to become a werewolf and be initiated into the Pack.

Among wolves, killing was just another part of life. Kill food to survive, kill the weak, kill the different that would attract predators, kill the humans who hunted them. It didn't matter who, what, or how old you were. You were a wolf and that was the end of it.

She had won, and, for the first time in her life, knew she wasn't facing a likely death sentence. Every year, the Pack held an initiation. Every twelve-year-old human child that the wolves had taken in got pitted against one another. Only the last survivor was turned wolf and became part of the Pack. In the world of wolves, the single, most important law was that the strong survived and the weak were killed, for a pack was only as strong as it's weakest.

She had survived.

Grimm, the girl's worg mother, stepped forth from the crowd, her lycanthropic mate, Lupus, by her side. Eoin, the alpha, also approached her. Finally, the ceremony had come.

"I hereby name the wolf-child of Lupus and Grimm victor of the Ru'leth!"

She knelt to her alpha, bowing her head. He slipped a ritual dagger made of what legend said was made of dragonfang and handed it to her. "Rise, victor."

Obediently, she stood. Gripping the knife in her hand, she grimly sliced open her palm, then handed it back to Eoin. He passed the ancient blade to Lupus who followed suit.

Lupus extended his had to his daughter. She took it, clasping his hand as their blood mixed. As of now, she was a wolf.

"I hereby name thee Agrona, harbinger of death!"

The wolves around her howled, chorusing to the stars above. Now, she had a name. Agrona, the harbinger of death. Not unfitting, she thought. Fighting had always been her strong point- that's why she'd survived this long. The human cubs in the Pack were not treated like fellow wolves- they were treated like the omegas. No, worse than the omegas. She'd lived off scraps and fought every night to survive. Only during the day did she receive refuge in the den of her parents to sleep. Other than that, she'd been on her own.

But now...Now she was a werewolf. Truly. Finally, she'd met success. Real success.

________________________________________________________________________________

When they'd first taken the cub in, Lupus and Grimm had brought the babe to Eoin to see whether they should keep her or simply kill the intruder. But Eoin saw great potential in the girl. He knew she would play a large part in the future of the wolves in the following years. So he told them to keep her. To never reveal to anyone what he'd seen. So they did.

But four weeks after the initiation, Agrona still hadn't changed, nor shown any signs of becoming a lycanthrope. Few fought the wolf within and survived, and certainly not without great sickness and struggle. Agrona, however, seemed completely unaffected by the wolf blood in her system. And she still wasn't a were-beast.

Finally, Grimm went to Eoin for guidance. That was when he realized she wasn't going to help the wolves in the coming years. There were few who could resist the wolf like she had, and they were Hunter-borne. Borne of the day, honor, discipline, and protection. Their destiny was to destroy the Pack and lead the humans and their allies to great victory. Now, one had emerged.

"Kill her," Eoin told Grimm. "She is Hunter-borne. We can't let her live. I'm sorry."

"Yes, Alpha." Her voice was emotionless.

"The responsibility falls to you and your mate, as she is your cub. My sincere apologies, Grimm, and to your mate, but what must be done must be done."

"Yes, Alpha."

"Good luck and may Winter give you strength."

"And may Ragnar guide you, Oakheart." As proper for a wolf of lower rank than the one they conversed with, she called him by his last name. She bowed her head and left.

Agrona was training as usual. That was all she did besides eat and rest, and sometimes she managed to skip even that. It wasn't that she had nothing else to do. Her goal was to join the ranks of the best warriors in the pack, like Valkyrie or Silvermoon. Despite the fact that there were other things she could be doing and sometimes was even tempted to, getting sidetracked wasn't going to help her accomplish her goal. So train she did. All night, every night.

Grimm trotted past her into their den. She hadn't told Agrona where she was going, and Agrona didn't really care anyways. She'd probably just been out hunting.

Brushing flaming red curls out of her face, Agrona grabbed her waterskin and took a gulp, then replaced the stopper. She turned to go back to her exercises when Lupus stepped in her way, his eyes glowing pale yellow in the darkness.

Agrona stepped back, sensing the imminent danger. Grimm stood behind her mate, baring foot-long saber-teeth.

"Apologies, Agrona. But we cannot afford to let you live any longer." And she leapt.

A rush of adrenaline shot through the girl, a deep-seated instinct told her to fight. No, kill. Color faded from the world around her...

________________________________________________________________________________

She ran for her life. The hunting howls of wolves sounded behind her, their forms cloaked by the shadowy night.

She would survive.

Agrona could see buildings not a half mile away. The lights were out, and the people were likely gone, evacuated due to the wolves' hunt. They had no way to know that it was her the Pack was after, not them.

Reaching the village, Agrona ran through the buildings with inhuman speed, searching for an escape. She ducked into the first door she saw, which happened to be the threshold to a small storage shed. She scrambled through the various crates into the back of the shack. In her haste, she slammed her toe into something metal. Wincing, she knelt to feel whatever it was.

Two rings connected by another hunk of metal. A lock, closing a trapdoor. An escape. She slipped a thin wire out of her pocket and got to work on the lock, cussing as she fumbled. Finally, after what seemed like an endless eternity, she opened it. Slipping the pick back into her pocket, she opened the door and ducked inside, locking it behind her.

She descended a ladder that led into an underground tunnel, relieved that she'd finally lost the wolves pursuing her. The tunnel was dark and dank, with no sound but the drip-drip of water from the ceiling. She fell back against the wall, panting.

She had survived.

Her relief was short-lived. The snarls and yips of wolves reached her ears from somewhere outside. She turned and fled down the corridor.

Could she survive?

Her bare feet slipping on the damp stone, Agrona stumbled and hit the earth, hard. Scrambling to her feet, she kept on running. Out of nowhere the corridor took a sharp turn and Agrona hurtled straight into what appeared to be a tavern.

It was a cavern, filled with smoke that lit the dim room. Tables were scattered haphazardly across the cave, filled with humans. They gambled, gossiped, drank, brawled, and bartered. All appeared to be commoners.

She slid to a stop in the entrance. The room went quiet as all heads turned her direction. She got the distinct feeling that she wasn't supposed to be there.

"Well, well, well. What 'ave we got 'ere?" A man drawled, standing.

Agrona growled deep in her throat in warning.

"A wolf, is it?"

She didn't understand his words. All she could understand was the edge of danger in his tone and the calm nonchalance meant to scare her.

"Say, wolf, what are you doing here in the middle of human land, hm?" When she didn't answer, he switched tongues to wolf and repeated the question.

"I am no wolf."

"Really, then? What are you doing speaking this tongue?"

"I am a wolf-child, but not a wolf. I was cast out after initiation, for they couldn't turn me."

"You rejected the wolf blood?"

"Yes."

"Is this the only tongue you speak?"

"No. Scanran."

"But not Common?"

She shook her head.

"How did you get in here?"

She held up her lockpick. That seemed to perk the man's interest.

"You, a child, picked the lock?" He asked incredulously.

She nodded.

"Where are you going?"

"Nowhere. I will survive."

"So they hunt you?"

"Yes. Who are you?"

"They call me Lynx. I am the Wildcat."

"So in other words you're the leader of the Thieves' Guild?" she'd heard of the Guild running small towns. Sometimes they worked to the poor's advantage. Other times, they stole from everything and everyone. It depended on who led it.

"Indeed I am. And what do you call yourself, wolf-child?"

"Agrona."

"The harbinger of death?"

"I fight well."

"I don't suppose you'd be interested in joining our Guild?"


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Sat Mar 18, 2017 2:36 am
erilea wrote a review...



Heya, featherstone! Lupa here for a late review! :D Let's begin...

1) "He slipped a ritual dagger made of what legend said was made of dragonfang and handed it to her." This sentence is bit awkward, and while I get what you're trying to say, the way you're wording it makes it completely foreign to the reader. I think you should write it as, "He slipped a ritual dagger--made of a legendary substance called dragonfang--out of its sheath and handed it to her." Or, you know, something better than what I said. :)

2) In the scene where Eoin is talking to Grimm about killing Agrona, he shows no emotion whatsoever. He claims that he's sorry, but you give no telltale signs about his face, body language, or anything of that sort. I would like to see how Agrona's death would affect him.

3) ""You, a child, picked the lock?" He asked incredulously." Unless this lock is super duper hard to pick, I'm not sure why the man would be incredulous about it. Kids pick locks plenty of times in stories. Why not here? :D This is a fantasy-ish thing, after all. Give your characters some abilities.

I liked the ending! It leaves plenty of suspense for the reader, which isn't a bad thing at all. I would love to read more, but I gotta go. See ya!

XOX,
Lupa22




Featherstone says...


Thanks for dropping by to review!



erilea says...


You're welcome!



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Mon Mar 06, 2017 5:47 am
CateRose17 wrote a review...



omg... I loved this. It was like mysterious and I love mysteries. It had me asking questions and then you answering them right after I asked them, which is amazing. Good job. Your writing flowed well together and I actually like the little cliffhanger at the end where it ends with just the conversation. It adds almost the perfect " edge of your seat" type of thing. It leaves you with so many questions, that you will soon answer in the up and coming chapters. They idea is original. I love it. Never in all my young years of writing and reading have I ever come across an idea like this. I praise your creativity. Beautiful. Keep it going.

The fighting was great. Very detailed and didn't start and stop like some stories do. You can feel Agrona's determination and will to survive. She is an animal and she intends to be the top dog, if you may. To grab the reader's heart more, I suggest you show a little more grief in her wolf parents, that would tear the reader apart, because when she runs it just shows the turmoil the family has. Maybe have the parents chase her to the town and pretend like she got away or something. That would be cool, buuuuut it's just a minor suggestion :).




Featherstone says...


I'm glad you enjoyed it! I actually am writing an edited version for LMS if you're interested- you can find the links on the side of this page. Thank you for reading and reviewing!



CateRose17 says...


You're welcome :)



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Mon Dec 05, 2016 5:07 pm
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Megrim wrote a review...



Hi! FINALLY here to review. (I always get to them, the question is more... when :P) I'm going to type as I read for this one, so let's get started.

First paragraph, two things stand out ot me: first is that this is probably an arena or else an informal, but otherwise social fight--as opposed to getting mugged in an alley or something like that. Jumping into the POV as "the girl" rubs me a bit the wrong way--is this going to be a more distant POV? Omniscient narrator sort of thing? We'll have to see. I'm curious about how they're egged on by wolves, but they seem to be human with their fighting moves.

I'll do one more in-depth prose/paragraph bit before I move past the beginning and get into speed-reading mode:

The boy slammed up his knee, jabbing her in the stomach. The girl fell back. He grappled her, fighting to pin her down so he could get his vengeance. The wolves around them started getting louder, encouraging him. She fought back as adrenaline pumped through her veins. They locked in combat, each matching the strength of the other.

1. We don't necessarily need blow-by-blow description of fight scenes, though I don't think this one goes on long enough for it to be an issue. I might, however, focus more on what she FEELS than the nitty gritty of what goes where. Eg I'm more interested in the blow to her stomach knocking the air out of her all at once, as opposed to the fact that he lifted his knee into her belly. Similarly, as he's pinning her down, she's probably scrabbling for a better grip, trying to throw him off, etc--those more visceral, touchy-feely details, as opposed to the factual things that can be observed at a distance.
2. Mind your verb choices, as that can go a long way to liven up your writing. "Started getting louder" is a bit bland. I sometimes say things like "volume grew" or "rose in a crescendo of howls" or other poetic sort of phrases, which you don't have to do, but I'd definitely avoid "started." I may or may not have written an article about this...
Verbs Are The New Adjectives

I'm surprised she snapped his neck. I didn't expect it to be a fight to the death.

The next three paragraphs, explaining the ordeal and what it means to her, are interesting concept-wise, but sadly are too much in the backstory infodump camp. Everything from "All her life..." to "...as its weakest" is telling instead of showing. I think you could get all this stuff across in a more interesting and engaging way, by use of implication and dialogue. I've heard of telling vs showing as "informing vs evoking" and I think that's a more helpful way to look at it. These paragraphs inform, but they don't evoke much feeling. Letting the rush of her victory and the things the others say to her imply what's happening will be a more vivid way to let the reader know the significance.

made of what legend said was made

Repetition of "made"

Interesting culture how the humans are taken in by wolves. I wasn't sure if she'd be a werewolf or if that was a metaphor until the last paragraph in the section there.

I think it's a neat twist that she's not showing any signs of lycanthropy despite the ritual. This actually grabs me more than the first scene. I know the first scene opens with action, but this stuff down here has more emotional stakes. Or at least, how it's written is piquing my interest more. It IS more of a telly "summary" style of narrative but I think it works ok here.

Her adoptive family doesn't seem too broken up over the death sentence.

The POV slides around in this second section. It starts out in Grimm's perspective but then slips back to Agrona once she comes on screen.

I'm not sure you need a scene break between sections 2 and 3. Well, it depends on POV; if you keep section 2 more firmly in Grimm's head, then the scene break would be appropriate so we switch back to Agrona. Actually that might be cool, because we could see if Grimm is feeling remorse or determination or detachment or resentment or who knows what. Currently, I don't feel like I got a very good grasp of her adoptive family's feelings over the situation.

But anyway, onto part 3. How did she get away? Seems like we skipped the most important part--managing to *not* get killed right then and there.

Where did she learn lockpicking? Who taught it to her? Wasn't she raised by wolves in the forest? Are there many locks there?

Oooh people, this will be good for raising the tension. Though, if she can't understand the words, if this is meant to be in a deep POV, it doesn't make sense to have the words written out clearly. That would work ok with an omniscient narrator, though.

"Wolf" as a language, neat. I like when characters speak different languages.

The conversation seems quite level-headed, all things considered. They're complete strangers to each other.

I wouldn't mind more descriptive information. Tell me more about this stranger and his mannerisms. Also the surroundings, the time of year and feel of the air and level of lighting--all those little details that I need to fill in in the picture in my head.

Overall it's an intriguing start, and you've set up a lot of potential for conflict. You have plenty of "hooks" in place to keep us interested. I think there's room to flesh out more in each section, both externally (eg descriptions) and internally (eg emotions).




Featherstone says...


Thanks, Megrim! It is definitely a work in progress. When I get the time and am not writing Shadowsong I'll go back and edit. Thanks for taking the time to review! I really appreciate it.



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Mon Nov 21, 2016 8:25 pm
burninhell wrote a review...



Hello!
Thought that I'd stop by with a quick review for this great chapter of yours. I'm going to go through a few nitpicks first, but then I'll get to rambling on about how much I loved this beginning.
Okay, so here goes:

The girl slammed into her opponent full force

...opponent at full force? I think the 'at' is just missing here, super minor thing.

named dragon fang

Just another quick thing, names of things, places, people, daggers, all need capitals. Just a super minor thing, easy fixed.

They had no way to know that it was herself the Pack was after

I think this should maybe be 'her' rather than 'herself'.

Agrona hurdled straight into what appeared to be a tavern.

Hurtled?

That's mostly it for nitpicks, only one thing that I would perhaps suggest, try not to info dump. I understand that you're trying to tell the story and they do that well, but maybe try spreading the information out throughout the chapters, so it's less information in bulk? Just a suggestion but I think that it will make the information a little easier to digest.

Now, as for your story itself I loved it! Your plot is really interesting! I love how you've built the world. And your imagery when you describe the tavern is great, I'd perhaps try to get more of this description spread through the rest of the chapter, it could really help flesh it out a bit. But really it was great!
I think that you've got the pacing perfect, the action scenes are really fast paced and it's super easy to picture, which is great. You've set up a great start to a story, and it does make me want to read on, which is great!
So, so far, so good. I'm gonna go read your second chapter now :)
Burn :)




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Mon Nov 21, 2016 7:08 am
Casanova wrote a review...



Heya, Firestone! Casanova here to do a review!
First off there's a line separating two parts of the chapter. In my opinion you could have used that line to dictate a new chapter, as the length of this one is rather daunting. Also, the way you ended the chapter really bugs me. No suspense, so drama, nothing to use as a cliffhanger for the next chapter. Disappointing considering you had a really dramatic beginning to this chapter. Anyway, to the review.

The first thing I noticed was these lines-

The wolves yowled in excitement.

She would survive.

She snapped his neck.

He fell to the earth, limp and lifeless. The girl howled, raising her hands in victory.

She had survived.


The line,"She would survive," was already used. We have this idea in our head, and she's fighting. There isn't a need to repeat it in the middle of the context. The other thing is these would go well in a singular sentence, or making them a paragraph. An example would be this-
"The wolves howled in excitement as she snapped his neck, his lifeless body falling to the ground. The girl howled, raising her hands in victory."
This cleans up the extra white space, and doesn't make it seem as long, if you know what I mean.

The next thing I noticed was this-

Kill food to survive, kill the weak, kill the different that would attract predators, kill the humans who hunted them.


This sounds more like dialogue than stating a fact. I would suggest switching it to something like,"Killing food to survive..." Or perhaps,"They killed food to survive..." You don't want your regular lines to sound like dialogue. You portray your story through your paragraphs, show it.

The next thing I noticed was the amount of dialogue. Some dialogue is okay, whereas a lot can get rather boring and make it seem like a play or movie script. You shouldn't have the amount of dialogue you have in the latter and middle parts of the chapters(I'm going by the two lines that are separating three sections. Which, again, you could make each section a chapter and it would be better, at least in my opinion)

The next thing I'd like to say is paragraph breaking. Always break for dialogue. Also, in dialogue, try to mix up how you're portraying them saying it. I pictured your ending dialogue as completely bland, because it's the same thing over and over and over. No emotion to any of it.

Anyway, that's all I have to say on this one. I only came to this one because of chapter two, which I'll be reviewing now.

I hope this helped, at least some.

Keep on doing what you're doing, and keep on keeping on.

Sincerely, Matthew Casanova Aaron




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Sun Nov 20, 2016 9:50 pm
Samk642 wrote a review...



Samk642 dropping in from the Land of Postive Outlook!!! Review beginning now!!!

First off, fantastic job at your story telling!!! I truly enjoyed your writing!!! I was entranced at your world building and can't wait to read more. No grammar errors that I could spot and a cohesive story so far!!! I liked the way you left a cliffhanger for us (the readers)

Total sum of my read: great!! You have me hooked!!

Samk642 galloping off into the sunset!




Featherstone says...


Thanks, Sam! I appreciate you taking the time to review. Good luck writing!



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Sun Nov 20, 2016 4:06 pm
ashlingwolf wrote a review...



Hello! This is Ashlingwolf here for a review!

So, I really liked this! It might not be perfect, but I found it had a very interesting premise and i look forward to reading more of it! So let's dive right in.

One thing that I really liked about this is the recurring theme of Agrona surviving- I found that really interesting and I felt that it really tied the piece together. I like that we can sort of see her motivation from early on, and I look forward to really better understanding that motivation in further chapters. I find it very important we see it often, but do make sure that it isn't repeated too much, so that it doesn't lose the meaning.

I found that you did a very good job of conveying the information without just dumping it, and I did feel like I was in the know and not confused, so good job with that!

I do know that you are telling this story through the third person, but I would recommend that you include a few more of Agrona's thoughts and feelings- even if it's just her being apprehensive and untrusting towards strangers. You don't have to involve her deepest repressed emotions, she can still be cold and tough, but if you show a little bit more of her reaction towards the events of the story, it will help round out her character.

This chapter is well written grammatically, but I will say what I say to everyone: always remember to proofread!

In short, I enjoyed this, and I look forward to the next chapter!
-Ashlingwolf




Featherstone says...


Thanks, Ashlingwolf! I'll take your advice and go edit a bit. I appreciate you reviewing. Good luck writing!



ashlingwolf says...


Thanks! Let me know if there's anything else I can review for you!



Featherstone says...


Well, there is Shadowsong, if you're interested...




By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return.
— Genesis 3:19