Welcome to YWS!
Okay, first I am going to say (referring to the poll) that you should keep posting and writing no matter how harsh or unsatisfied people are with your pieces because you will improve if you keep posting and secondly, this is in lyric poetry so I am going to critique it like a poem though it is also meant to be lyrics.
Now, the first issue I am going to tackle is your rhyme scheme. In short, your rhyming was forced which made some of the couplets (two rhyming lines if you don't know what they are) a lot less powerful than they could have been. It's fine to not rhyme; free verse is often some of the better poetry I've seen. It takes a lot of practice to rhyme effectively (plus a few rhyming websites perhaps 
), but whatever you do, do not force it. If it isn't important to the point of the poem, don't add it just for the sake of rhyming!
Next, is your structure. A poem does not have to be strictly structure, but it shouldn't sound terribly awkward to the reader's ears.
Some people are so strange
Some people are just derange > couplet 1
But when I look at you
I see right through me too > couplet 2
So won't you take my hand?
Or are you just gonna stand > couplet 3
And listen to the band? < extra line
When I first read this poem, this was the main thing that stuck out to me. Okay, so in your first stanza, we have 3 couplets (couplet 1 rhymes with strange, 2 with you and 3 with hand) By these three couplets, you give the reader a rough jist of your rhythm and this idea of 3 couplets it repeated in some of your later stanzas (stanza 2 for instance)... and then you have the extra line that rhymes with couplet 3. Firstly, it makes the stanza awkward and secondly, 'and listen to the band' doesn't seem necessary to the poem. HOWEVER, I did like your line 'I see right through me too.' Very clever
Your 3rd stanza is only 3 lines and I don't see that as as much of a problem because you are leading into the conclusion of the poem, but I think it would be better without the 1st line.
And then... your last stanza. Here, you totally trashed the rhyme scheme and your basic rhythm in the first two stanzas, thus making it hard to read and lacking in the power repetition can hold. Your break from the rhyme scheme and rhythm seemed to have no reason behind it and thus seemed just sloppy as if you were tired of the poem. Your conclusion needs to be powerful and conclusive, not random and worn-out. So work on semi-consistent structure and conclusive endings here.
I also thought you could use some more creative language here. It seemed dull, not loving.
So, work on: rhyming, structure and creative language and you are down the road to improving.
Nice effort here and please keep writing. PM me if you have any questions!
Points: 13816
Reviews: 563
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