Finding Home

Louis wouldn’t have been able to say how it started, if asked. And over the decades, people had asked. How did you end up here? How did you get into his good graces? How did you convince him to turn you, unlike everybody else who had come before you?

Instead of telling the whole truth, he came up with a story and stuck with it.

He would say that it began with a story.

Where he grew up, in the shadow of a huge mountain in the depths of Eastern Europe, there were always stories of the monster that lived up the mountain. The locals said it was a demon, and the Roma said it was a mullo,, one of the undead. In truth, Louis had always been fascinated by whatever was up there. Sometimes, you could see lights coming from the rumoured manor up in the mountain. Sometimes, the villagers swore they could hear screaming. Louis never heard anything like it, but he saw the lights.

It wasn’t until he was eighteen that he had a reason to run. Well, he always had a reason to run, but he never had the courage to use it to his advantage. All his life, he had been lonely. No friends, an absent father, and a mother who could barely stand to look at him most days. She said it was his hair, marking him as fiery and too curious for his own good, and other days, claimed it was just a feeling she got from him. Destined for darkness. I shouldn’t have lain with that gypsy to have you.

Not long after summer ended, Louis woke up to his mother sat at the end of his bed.

“You can’t stay here,” she said softly. “I can’t… you look too much like your father. You’re a bastard, and the God-fearing folk think you’re evil. God forgive me, but maybe they’re right.”

Louis said nothing. He just got out of bed, got dressed, packed a bag, and left. At least she gave him plenty of food for the road. She told him to travel west, but as soon as he was away from the eyes of the village, he turned south and found the path that led him up the mountain.

To those who asked Louis why he went up the mountain, he always said that something drew him to it. It wasn’t a lie, either. He had seriously considered going west until he found the path. After that, there was no question about it.

Somehow, he had never been afraid of the monsters they said lived up there. He was more curious than anything. Was there truth to any of it or was it all just make-believe?

And to those who asked Louis why he stayed, he always had one answer.

Because of what he found.

He had been half-frozen when he found the manor. Half-frozen and sure he was delirious. The sun was setting, making the sky look like some kind of fiery dream – purples and reds and oranges and blues. He stared at it longer than he stared at the doors of the manor, cut deep into the face of the mountain. Louis closed his eyes and felt the fading sunlight on his face.

He collapsed by the doors of the manor. He watched the sun set. When the final slivers of light faded away, he lost consciousness.

He woke up two days later, surrounded by warmth.

It took Louis a long time to adjust to his surroundings. For a few days after he woke, the only person he talked to was a butler who brought him food and got him clothes that fit, but the man was kind enough, and he allowed Louis to explore the manor on his own, once he was strong enough to stand on his own two feet. He didn’t venture too far, though. The place was a labyrinth of hallways, rooms, corridors, and halls, all cut from grey stone from the mountain. The claustrophobia eventually faded, along with the paranoia that came with the silence and his echoing footsteps.

He returned from the library with a few books to read, and found a tall man standing in his room, looking out of the window solemnly.

“Excuse me?” Louis said, walking towards him and trying to see his face. The man turned ever so slightly. He had a strong profile, his lose long and straight, and his jawline sharp. His black hair was carefully combed back, but the oil he used in it did nothing about the curls at the back of his neck.

“You must be Louis. My apologies for not coming to visit you sooner, I was attending to a personal matter,” he said, turning completely. He held out his hand. Louis had to shift the books under his arm to take it, and almost reeled back when he felt this man’s skin was shockingly cold. It was like touching soft snow. “I trust you’ve settled in well, seeing as you’ve been raiding my library.”

“Oh. Oh, I’m sorry, Sebastian said that I could…” Louis stammered, setting the books down on the desk. The man simply laughed.

“Oh, no, it’s fine. Truly. It’s been so long since any but myself read these books, it’s refreshing to see somebody new take an interest in them, too,” he said. Louis nodded. He didn’t know what to say to that. He just looked away and tried not to be bothered by the mans intense stare.

“Sorry, I don’t know your name,” he said after a long pause.

“I apologise. My name is Iosef, I’m the owner of this home,” the man said.

“The… owner? You own this place?”

“It’s a very long story, one I would love to share with you over dinner tonight, if it pleases you, Louis,” Iosef said. Louis could only nod in response. “Wonderful. Sebastian will come to get you when we’re ready.”

“We?”

“He and I. You are the first guest to pass through these doors in a very, very long time, believe me.” Iosef excused himself and bowed out of the room.

Louis would never quite know what to make of that introduction.

He had dinner with Iosef and Sebastian that night. He heard the story – Iosef’s father had had the mountain cut and carved to create this home for his family, his wife and four children. Iosef remained silent when asked about his siblings, so Louis just assumed they had died. Which was strange, as Iosef was no older than thirty, at the most. Louis didn’t dare press for answers, not even from Sebastian later that night.

“He’s lonely,” Sebastian said as he walked Louis back to his room. “Perhaps you can keep him company sometimes. He practices playing the piano every evening, visit him tomorrow.”

Louis was tipsy from the rich red wine, so he just nodded and went to bed, falling easily into sleep.

The months went by, and it didn’t take long for Louis to notice that neither Iosef or Sebastian ate very often. In fact, at dinner, he began paying attention, and saw that neither of them would touch much of their food, while he would clean off his own plate quickly, always so hungry from running up and down stairs and walking around the library all day. Iosef caught him looking once and smiled, showing sharp teeth.

It didn’t take long for Louis to start asking questions, either.

Sebastian was vague at best, restrictive at worst, only giving Louis half-answers to his questions about what exactly was going on in the house. Some rooms smelled strongly of salt and iron. Of blood. There were dark marks on the wooden floors and stone walls. He knew what they were, but he didn’t say it out loud.

It took a while for him to ask about that.

It was a few months before he was sat down by Sebastian and Iosef and told the truth.

They were both vampires. They didn’t need to feed all that often, nor did they plan on eating him at all. Somehow, that wasn’t particularly reassuring. But it was nice to know the truth, he thought. It was easier to wrap his head around that when he had first suspected. The Roma were right about them being mullo, then. Louis wondered how his village would react to knowing that the demons they were scared of were two very polite, well-dressed men who occasionally had to drink blood to survive.

He found Iosef playing piano.

Like everything else he did, he played beautifully, his notes precise and steady, but he had a lot of time to practice. Eternity, really.

Louis came to sit down beside him and watched him as he played, shifting the piece towards something a little more melancholic. Iosef closed his eyes as he played, and Louis got the sudden, painful feeling that this piece was personal. He lost somebody. Not just his family, but…

“Her name was Natalia. Before I turned, we grew up together. Afterwards, she was one of the few who knew about me and Sebastian. I loved her, beyond anything, and I was willing to change her if she wanted. But she denied it each time I offered. Eventually, she died. I played this as she was laying in her deathbed, and she told me to stop being so miserable and smile,” Iosef said as he played. “By God, I miss that woman sometimes. I can’t always recall what she looked like.”

Louis had nothing to say to that. What could you say to that?

After that, they grew closer. Iosef taught him how to play piano, and shared with him the secret rooms of the manor, which books were worth reading, how to dance properly. Each time Iosef touched bare skin, it made Louis’ stomach twist in knots, but not in a bad way. He enjoyed it. He enjoyed spending time with Iosef, as strange and cryptic as he could be sometimes.

Sebastian cornered Louis one evening, on his way back from an impromptu piano lesion, asking to have a word with him.

“Be careful, Louis. He may be old, but he still has the heart and soul of the young man he once was,” he said, as if that explained anything.

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because I know him, and I know that if you turn him away it will hurt beyond anything he has experienced.”

Sebastian left him standing there, utterly confused, with no idea what had just happened.

It became clearer and clearer as the weeks wore on, giving way to summer, and the scorching heat it brought with it. Louis saw Iosef less and less, but was still called to see him often, which made up for most of their time spent together. Louis would catch Iosef looking at him with something strange in his eyes. Longing, perhaps. Or sadness. Louis didn’t plan on going anywhere, he didn’t know why Iosef would be looking at him like that.

His answer came when Iosef came to see him during the night, knocking and slowly entering. His hair was a curling mess, and he looked as if he hadn’t slept in a week. Louis was by his side immediately, guiding him to sit down on the bed.

“Tell me, Iosef. What’s wrong?” he demanded, kneeling down before him.

“I’m too weak to hunt,” Iosef said softly, meeting his eye. “And there is little I can do until Sebastian can acquire human blood. We can only survive for so long on the blood of animals.”

Louis nodded. He rested his cheek against Iosef’s knee and traced a pattern into his thigh, watching as Iosef tried to gather himself, breathing hard, his hands shaking.

“You could drink from me,” he said without thinking. He realised it was the wrong thing to say when Iosef glared at him, shaking his head.

“No. I won’t risk hurting you. I can control myself, I don’t kill when I feed from humans, but I can’t… not you… I’d never forgive myself if I hurt you,” he said. With one weak, shaking hand, he cradled the side of Louis’ face, his skin as cold as ever, perhaps even colder, with how sick he was. The touch was infinitely gentle, and Iosef moved his hand to brush his knuckles down his cheek, along his jaw, making Louis shudder.

“I’m offering it to you, knowing the risks,” Louis said. He pushed himself up so he was almost eye-level with him, but he was somewhat shorter, and Iosef was ridiculously tall. He rested his hands on Iosef’s thighs to steady himself. “Please. Just this once. Let me help you.”

Iosef closed his eyes. He seemed to be praying, but Louis could be wrong. If he was, then it was ironic, watching a vampire pray for whatever it was. Strength, control, determination? Whatever it was, Louis wanted to be there for him. Iosef had become a friend. A trusted companion. Somebody who gave Louis the love and care that he never received where he grew up.

“Please,” Louis whispered.

It seemed that that was all it took to break Iosef, because exhaled a ragged breath and opened his eyes, looking at Louis intently.

“Sit down on the bed and hold out your arm,” he said. Louis complied easy enough, and rolled back his sleeve, presenting Iosef with his bare arm, which he looked at apprehensively. “Are you absolutely sure?”

Louis nodded. “Just drink. Worry about me later.”

Iosef took Louis’ wrist in his hand, easily circling it with long fingers, drawing the unmarked skin of his forearm close to his mouth, opening it to show razor sharp teeth. Louis watched with morbid fascination, not really feeling it as Iosef’s sharp teeth dug into his skin. He sighed and tilted his head back, feeling the pressure of Iosef drinking from him, but none of the pain he had expected.

He quickly became light-headed and woozy, and pulled his arm away. Iosef let him go. He wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand and smeared Louis’ blood along his cheek. He said something, but Louis’ head was fuzzy, he didn’t quite hear what he was saying. Iosef gently pushed him down onto the bed and pulled the blankets up over him. He brushed a hand through Louis’ hair.

Louis closed his eyes.

He dreamed of blood and moonlight.

Iosef was curled up by his side when Louis woke. He turned his head slowly, still slightly groggy, but able to move. He was greeted with the sight of Iosef sleeping soundly, his snores bordering on annoyingly loud, with his face crushed into the pillow. He hadn’t changed his clothes, or gotten under the blankets. He must have fallen asleep before he could do either of those things, or even return to his own room. Not that Louis minded, but still…

“Hey,” he whispered, nudging Iosef’s leg. “Are you awake?”

Iosef groaned and turned on his stomach, refusing to wake up. Louis smiled. He reached out and ran his fingers through Iosef’s hair, feeling soft black curls. He liked how thick it was. He spied a few grey strands here and there.

“Iosef. Get under the blankets,” he said. Iosef curled in on himself, but turned his head to look at Louis with one tired eye opened. God, he must have been half asleep.

Louis helped him get under and latched onto him, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. But Iosef was comfortable, even if he was cold, and wrapped his arm around Louis’s shoulders to pull him in tight.

It continued that way for weeks, neither of them saying anything about it once they were both awake and functioning. The bite marks on Louis’ arm faded and scarred, and soon, he forgot what it was like to have his blood sucked out by a vampire. He could vaguely remember the pressure, and the odd, dizzy euphoria that came with it. Was it like that for everybody who was fed on by vampires? Or was it just the fact that it was Iosef? Louis had no idea.

Iosef came into his room one night when Louis was reading at the desk. He only glanced up briefly, before going back to his book, but he was interrupted when Iosef set his hands on his shoulders from behind.

“Stand,” he said, his voice soft, pleading. Louis obeyed without question. Turning to see Iosef, he realised that he was visibly much more relaxed than he usually was. His clothing was practical and his hair longer than usual, tied back from his face. It made him look younger, somehow.

“Iosef?” he asked in a small voice. He didn’t say anything else, and neither did the man before him. Iosef just took Louis’ face in his hands and leaned down, brushing their lips together in the barest of kisses before pulling away, his face contorted in indecision.

Louis closed his eyes. Even so cold, his lips scorched from the minute contact. Was this what he had been waiting for? Was this why Iosef was so kind to him, why he tried to make Louis laugh and welcomed him into his life?

He nodded, unsure what else to do. He wasn’t even sure if this was what he wanted, but he knew that he wanted Iosef, in some way. He had never kissed anybody before, so how was he to know if he truly desired it?

Iosef kissed him properly. The fact that he was a man didn’t bother Louis as much as he thought it would. He had long ago let go of what people expected of him, the moment his mother cast him out and told him to find a better life for himself elsewhere. In fact, it was a comfort to him. This was a man who had lived for centuries, and he had chosen Louis. He had chosen Louis and kissed him, his mouth slow and gentle against Louis’ as Iosef pushed him back against the desk and pulled him up onto it.

Louis was the one who pulled away first. He breathed hard, his eyes half-lidded, suddenly overwhelmed by sensation of somebody so close, so physically close.

“Are you okay?” Iosef asked. He cradled the back of Louis’ head with one hand, the other resting against his shoulder. Louis nodded.

“I’m fine. Just… I’ve never done that before,” he admitted, somewhat shy.

“You’d never be able to tell,” Iosef said with a smile. That smile alone made Louis’ stomach erupt into butterflies, something that had happened before, only, he refused to acknowledge them. “I… hope I didn’t cross any boundaries.”

“No! No, I’m just remarkably inexperienced with these sorts of things, you know.” Louis pulled him in and kissed him again just to avoid the conversation, but Iosef pulled back.

“It’s been a long time for me,” he said. “And you’re so young, I don’t want… I want you to be able to live, and not spend your days here.”

“Then turn me.”

Iosef let go of Louis and backed away, horror in his eyes at the prospect. He shook his head.

“No. No, I can’t, I can’t do that to you. The younger you are, the harder it is to survive the bite. I can’t… I can’t…” He hit the edge of Louis’ bed and sat down heavily, dropping his head into his hands. He tugged at his hair and groaned.

Louis was over at his side in record time.

“Then don’t do it now. When I’m twenty-five, if I’m still here, if I’m even still alive. But I’m not going anywhere, Iosef, not now,” he said.

Iosef peered at him through the gaps in his fingers. He dropped his hands into his lap.

“No promises,” he said, pulling Louis closer to him. Louis straddled his thighs. He was unsure what to do, but Iosef seemed to approve, hands settling on his waist. He still seemed unsure, but Louis rested his forehead against Iosef’s and closed his eyes, just basking in the intimacy of it, something so alien and yet so welcome to him. He had never realised how desperately he craved touch until now. Having it, having Iosef touch him so freely, it was a relief.

Iosef stayed that night, like he had all those other nights before, but this time, neither of them was afraid to touch the other.

Louis got the bite at twenty-three.

He would always remember the agony that coursed through his veins to begin with, changing his body and its needs. But once all of that was done, he floated on a wave of peace and quiet, patiently waiting for the rest to be done so he could wake and experience forever.

Iosef had been apprehensive, but Louis had been insistent. The headaches were getting worse and so was the nausea, the shakiness, no matter what he ate. The hard lump on his lower back grew, and became more painful, and he knew he was going to die, if nothing was done about it. Iosef was just terrified that it would kill him, but Louis decided that it was his life, he should be the one to decide whether or not to gamble with it.

Iosef finally gave in when Louis could barely move without howling in pain. Sebastian was to stay with him, during the whole transformation, and help him in any way that he could.

The bite itself was painless, but the pain that came after was worse than anything Louis had ever felt before.

But, waking up after a long week of semi-consciousness, Louis felt stronger than he ever had.

It took a long while to get used to it. All of his senses were different, his vision clearer, his hearing magnified, his taste and smell and touch much more intense. Hunting with Iosef, the first time he went, was unbelievably intense, giving in to the bloodlust, as long as he stayed clear of human villages. It was like he unlocked a primal side of himself he didn’t know existed before.

As with everything in his life, though, he grew used to it. He grew used to the nocturnal life, he grew used to Iosef being a little rougher with him, biting his neck and losing himself around him, he grew used to the taste of blood and how it felt to kill an animal with his bare hands.

He grew used to being able to match Iosef and Sebastian when they went hunting. That in itself was incredibly satisfying, knowing he was just as strong and as fast as them.

One thing he was not prepared for, however, was the gathering that happened in the manor to celebrate Sebastian’s four-hundredth birthday.

It was a lovely affair, truth be told, hundreds of vampires from all over the world visiting and lodging in their rooms, drinking their wine, hunting in their lands. But the dancing and the celebration was something to behold. Most of the women wore jewels that cost more than Louis’ entire village put together, elegant and undead, some older than known history. A tall woman with dark skin, dressed in African print clothes, was the one who asked him about his life, and pressed, asking him why he stayed. Her name was Kukena, he learned, and she was wonderful company, funny and charming, always willing to tell her stories to anybody who would listen.

Louis told her everything that night. She listened, and commented, and at the end, drained her glass of wine and put her hand on his shoulder.

“I wish you the best in eternity, Louis. You seem the type to be able to make the most of it, unlike some of the people here.”

Kukena left to refill her glass. Out of nowhere, Iosef sidled up to him.

“Shall we get some air?” he leaned in and whispered, offering Louis his arm. Over the years, they had become much more comfortable around each other, even in front of others, but they valued their privacy.

They went out of the front door into the frigid winter air.

“I was the one who found you out here, you know,” Iosef said. “You were half-dead and frozen. I could smell you, and I was drawn to you, you smelled like the trees. I carried you in. I prayed that you would be okay, and when you woke up, I was too scared to speak to you for the longest time. But when I did, I was enthralled. It wasn’t until I met you that I let go of Natalia, after a century. You gave me reason to believe in love again.”

Louis leaned against him and looked up at the stars. The moon was waning, only a sliver in the sky, and it would be gone tomorrow night.

“You were my first love,” he said.

“I know. I’m glad I met you.”

“I’m glad I spent four days walking up this damn mountain to get to you.”

Iosef laughed and pulled him closer. He ran his fingers through Louis’ hair, a habit he had developed early on, not that Louis could complain. He liked it.

He pulled Iosef down to kiss him and lost himself in the feeling, kissing him under the stars on top of this mountain, the only place he had ever felt truly at home.