Heyo dragon, Flite here again. This was the earliest part I could find, so I'll start from here and work my way up. I'm not going to too be too nit-picky here, I just want to point out some fundamental problems.
First of them is the several lack of description, it's just action, dialogue and statement. With a structure like that the story becomes monotonous and flat, you've probably heard show don't tell a lot of times. But it's always a balance of the two, you've got a lot of telling here, narration with no description. You need to throw some description in, about the character's feelings about this situation and their surroundings. Describe the cells, describe the atmosphere in them and their reaction upon it.
The brothers don't seem very panicked at all right now, it's like they're panicked but they aren't really that panicked from the tone and because I'm not getting much at all apart from dialogue tags I can't relate to them at all.
"Let me think," said Uinar, "and do despair." He looked through the keyhole of the door. There was no one. He sat down on the damp ground and pondered for a few minutes. And every minute seemed like torture for Einar.
And I think you meant do not despair there. You said that he looked through the keyhole, you could show us what he saw or the expression on his face, if every minute was torture for Einar, why was it a torture for her. Apart from the obvious, use this opportunity to exploit your character's fears and flaws and show them to us. That's what makes them human.
And using stones to unlock doors....that's odd. If this was a prison, what happened to the guards? Wouldn't the doors be better enforced, how is it that they can just waltz out of their cell and not encounter any guards or any barriers against them. And then after that, they just happened to chance upon the Crystal? And if they're constantly on their guard, you could also show us that via their body language or the way they moved.
Why does that not sound very plausible to me at all.
What happened to the process of finding the Crystal, did they know where it was? When writing, always keep in mind how plausible a situation action is.
Hope I helped in some ways, if you've got any questions, you know the drill.
-Flite
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