She was very tall and young. She looked liked she was about the brothers' age. Her long hair was as black as midnight. Her navy blue eyes portrayed distrust as she looked at the twin brothers and their weather-beaten clothes. She wore a leather pencil skirt and shirt that was the color of silver. On her belt was a scimitar, whose hilt was shining.
The brothers stood next to each other, not knowing what to think. They did not speak, fearing that the female elf was some sort of enemy that no one knew about or forgot about.
"Who are you?" she asked, her voice strong and strict. "Why did you enter the Chema Cavern?"
It was Uinar who spoke. "I am Uinar, ma'am. This is my twin brother, Einar. We have journeyed from our home, the village of Bearhelm, to find the Dark Crystal. What is your name, may I ask?"
"I am Astelna," she replied. "I am the last of the Ullyn Elves. Do not ask why. I will not waste time answering useless questions. Tell me your full purpose, so that I can trust that you both are not some sort of cheats. So that I will not draw out my sword."
"Our mother," Einar replied,his brown eyes as innocent as a lamb's, "is sick with a great fever. Our doctor came to our house and said that she has the Gray Fever. He said that she will die if she does not have the liquid of the Dark Crystal. I asked the doctor what is it and where I could find it and he replied 'In the midst of the Harx Mountains, you will find a door edged with Nylan words. Recite the spell Open door and show me more,let be get the gem of yore and it will open. In a dark room a light in the center of it will shine. And upon it will lie the Dark Crystal, the remedy for all sicknesses and diseases'."
"The doctor is foolish to reply in those words. He should have warned you of the dangers that will lie ahead. Judging from your clothes, you must have traveled for a long time, faced many dangers, and almost escaped death. But why should I help a poor woman whom I never met? She could be evil, you could be evil. You should have traveled somewhere else. Whoever enters Chema Cavern never comes out."
"You must help us!" Einar exclaimed. "Our mother is dying, and she is the only person left in our family!"
"Well, I have no family!" Astelna said, raising her voice. She dropped her torch and brandished her scimitar. "You are trespassers. You will be punished.You will never come out!" Her eyes were filled with fury. She grabbed the two men, took away their swords and rucksacks, including their torch, and walked towards a door that was in the room. Uinar and Einar struggled to be free, but Astelna was so strong, her grip was as sturdy as iron. She opened the door and threw the men in. With that, she closed the door with a loud bang! and locked it.
The brothers were in a cold and damp room, or should I say, prison. A foul odor permeated the air. Two torches burned from the walls, giving off an orange light. The brothers stood up and gagged, appalled at a horrifying sight in front of them.
Two skeletons lay on the floor, with flies coming out of them.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Whoa. Very eventful chapter. I'm glad I ran into this in the green room. Anyways, I think this is a very interesting chapter. I like how you've managed to provide the reason behind the brothers' journey. However, I feel like you should've taken the time to describe a few things like towards the end when the elf girl is taking away their weapons and throwing them in the prison. I would've imagined that both brothers would have struggled a bit a put up a fight to defend themselves even if it would've be futile because the elf is stronger then them. Otherwise, I liked it and I would love to read what happens next! Very nice job! -IceWinifredd
Okay. Thank you for the feedback.
Very truly yours,
fantasydragon01
Ps please look at the part 1 and my poem titled "kingdom beyond the mountains". Please comment on them and thank you in advance!!!!!!!
Yay, you posted part 2!
I was very excited to discover this here, and jumped right on it. Once again, like part 1, it was very good. The words were juicy, the details gave off the perfect feeling, and the layout was perfect. It didn't move too fast or slow, it was just right. I thoroughly enjoyed that, and I hope you have pride in this work. Amazing.
AJ
This almost reminded me of final fantasy one two and three. Journeying for the Crystal, you did come close to. Your story was really good and I definitely look forward to your next chapters. You went for a idea I haven't seen on here yet, and I look forward too seeing where you take it. Would love to know when you publish the next chapter.
Also wanted to say welcome, since I saw you haven't been here long.
Thanks. I have two other works: the dark crystal part one and a poem titled "kingdom beyond the mountains". Please look at them and comment.
I will be writing more as soon as I have enough points.
Very truly yours,
fantasydragon01
Ps thanks for everything