Published April 19, 2015
Uinar and Einar took deep breaths and entered the door that led into the mountains. It was dark and spooky and an eerie silence fell upon it. It was quiet except for the brothers' light footsteps and the water that dripped from the ceiling, creating a soft plop, plop sound. Einar took a box of matches out of his rucksack and lit up the torch that Uinar held. Now, the two could really see what was in the cavern. They astonished at what they saw. Crystals and gems dotted the rugged walls, but these were not the pink, red, and green jewels that many men mine for. These gems were black and brown and dark purple. They shone with a white light, though. They are mysterious, Uinar thought, sort of enchanted. The two walked and walked further and deeper into the cavern.
Suddenly the brothers heard a sound, like metal falling on the floor. They turned towards the direction of the sound. It came from the path right in front of them. Then they saw a gray light coming from the end of the long stone hallway. They, curious of what was there, went towards the light. It was not long before they were in a room. And in that room was an elf holding a torch that burned gray fire.
And that elf was female.
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140,094 Literary Works • 672,998 Reviews
this is a good read so far but i,m confused no what going no in the story it fells like you jump in the middle of the story is this a prologue to the story i like all of it however there were a few typos but other then that good story and i did like how you subscribed the cavern that they were in i also like the colors of the Crystals and gems and how you subscribed them over all a good story cant wait to read what happens next in the story keep up the good work. fantasydragon01
Actually, when I first wrote this, I wasn't thinking of writing a prequel ( I might, but I'm not sure). It's not a prologue, just the beginning of the story. Also, I noticed that you mentioned typos. What are the typos in the story? I will fix them.
I'm glad you like my story, and I hope that you will like the other installments.
@fantasydragon01.
as i,m looking back there were no typos i thought i was one there want any typos
XD. Thanks, though for the review.
np
I certainly enjoyed reading this first installment! I was intrigued by your emphasis on color in this scene: the colors of the gemstones, and the fire of the elf's torch. The idea of gray fire is interesting, because gray is the last color you would ever think of a flame being. Gray is a cold, dead, dull color like that of ashes or stone. Fire is usually defined by its qualities of heat, liveliness, and brilliance. Can it still be fire if it lacks these qualities? I'm not sure! Whatever the case, it is a mysterious description!
Thank you for the review.
Hey! I've seen some of your reviews around so I thought I'd check out some of your stuff. You did not disappoint. First of, I liked how you have the story with two brothers. I don't see many stories out there with the cast as family.
I don't know if this is good or bad, but the ending made me think that the elf being a female was something really really rare. Since you put so much emphasis on that fact. I will keep reading to find out. Lucky for me, you have more chapters!
Something I want to nit pick about though. "The two walked and walked further and deeper into the cavern."
Personally, I would put a period after the walked and walked. When I was reading that sentence tripped me up.
Anyway, good work! Keep it up!
Heyya....
The first ever work of yours that I read.and Liked it. here are few things which i would like to say about it.
I wish the narration was a bit more descriptive. I more detailed one. I undertsand your fondness for fantasy/mystery. And you are definitely good at it.
the charectors need to interact somehow. otherwise it lokks like a way too narrative. eager to read the next installments
Goog read, good luck
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I'm just a tad confused about what's happening here. It was quiet, but save? I feel like the word choice may be a little confusing for people to understand. Other than that, the commas created a nice pause!
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Edited
Einar took a box of matches out of his rucksack and lit up the torch Uinar was carrying.
The story was good. It's mysterious and thrilling. It ended openly leaving us readers hungry for the the sequel. I'm very lucky that the Part 2 is already published, so I'm rushing now to read it, too. Keep up the good work!
Thank you very much.
The theme of the story is good.It had the essence of mystery and adventure however it coul not create the excitement and thrill which this type of stories should generally create.this type of stories should be fast paced but yours one is too fast paced. Try to keep this in mind when u are writting the seqel follow me up freind. I THINK A BIT OF MORE DESCRIPTION CAN MAKE IT THRILLING AND SCARY. keep this in mind and do the part 2. i am eagerly waiting
Thanks for the feedback. I just literally published a part 2 like ten seconds ago
. I will take your advice to heart.
Very truly yours,
fantasydragon01
This is a really cool beginning of a story. You should definitely run with it and make it longer. The only thing I would say is maybe replace the word dark and quiet to more colorful words. Oh, and also that in the part "suddenly the brothers' heard a sound..." to take off the apostrophe after brothers. I love what you got and can't wait to see more! Keep up the good work.
Why, thank you very much. I will try to post a part 2. Also, thank you so much the gift. I really, really appreciate it. But what is it used for? I am just wondering.
On another note, I have written a poem called "Kingdom Beyond the Mountains. Please look at it and comment.
Very truly yours,
fantasydragon01
Okay, I will look as soon as I can. Also, I'm still figuring out gifts myself, so I really have no idea what it is for. I started the same day you did.
Huh. Very nice start you've got here. The concept of this story really pulled me in enough to want to know what it is that'll happen in the future as you write it out. Okay so on with the names. I want to make sure I pronounced them properly. I got Uinar (oo-ee-nar) and Einar (eh-ee-nar). Is that right? Very creative names by the way. I think it fits the genre of this story very well. As for the spelling, grammar, and punctuation, I think you did a nice job on that. I didn't really spot any errors. So great job on this write and I apologize if this review wasn't of much help to you! I hope you release a part two! I would like to see what happens next! Have an awesome afternoon! -IceWinifredd
Thank you very much for the comment. I will be writing a part 2, though I do not know when, since I do not have many points. As for the pronunciation of the names, Uinar is pronounced as ( oo-in-ar) and Einar is pronounced as ( ay-nar). I hope this helps you.
Very truly yours,
fantasydragon01