They went to take a snack break. After a long day at work, all the cops were looking forward to a relaxing evening full of... Yes, you guessed it: Donuts and coffee! A coffee break for everyone, with nice, soft, sprinkle-y donuts!
They walked into the break room, and immediately everyone sat in their place around the snack table. The head police officer opened the cupboard, pulled out the donut box and opened it slowly, breathing in the sweet smell of donuts. But, no, it couldn't be! The box was empty!
The head officer, Jim, was furious. Who would dare take a cop's donuts? Preposterous! Ridiculous! Unbelievable! This must be investigated. Jim was raging now, "Line up and put your hands in the air! Somebody ate all the donuts and I certainly want to know who did it, and I'll find out no matter how long it takes!" his face was turning darker shades of red as each second passed by.
Each one of the officers were lined up, and all of them were looking confused. One of them had to be the culprit though, didn't they? Who was it? How in the world would he find out? Who would do such a thing? He would search them for clues. After all, they're cops. They know how to search for clues.
"I want each one of you to line up and show me your hands and mouth! I'm not stopping until these donuts show up!"
Jim inspected each man's tongue, teeth, and fingers with a magnifying glass. Each of them passed inspection and there were very few men left now. Jim was getting desperate - normally he would be eating donuts at this time! He missed the sugary sprinkles and the chocolate frosting. Would he ever find the precious donuts?
As each man passed inspection Jim got even more ravenous for the taste of donuts. What would he dip in his coffee now? As the last man was inspected, Jim broke down into tears. It was too late now and there wasn't enough break time to go buy more.
A younger officer came up to him, timid, and with his index finger raised. "E-excuse me sir? I think I found the solution to your d-donut problem." Jim was immediately cheered up, "Tell me!" He demanded. The officer's face went red and he pointed to Jim.
"Behind me?" Jim turned around.
"No sir, you ate them. Don't you remember? I would think not, seeing as you were eating them in your sleep. You see, you took a nap during the slow traffic hour. We all watched you eat them sir, but we didn't dare wake you. Sorry." He hurried away, hoping he wouldn't be lectured for impudence.
"Well now. I'm the one who's sorry. Forgive me. Extra donuts tomorrow for break, on me!" Jim felt severely embarassed for eating everyone else's donuts, especially since they completely deserved them. Jim wanted to make up for it, after all, he wasn't supposed to be sleeping then and he wouldn't normally have eaten their donuts. He apologized for wrongly accusing them, and again promised that there would be extra donuts tomorrow.
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125,014 Literary Works • 672,845 Reviews
Yo!
Damn... this was so good... how did i missed it when it got published?! Seriously first i spent 14 , almost 15 years of my life withoit knowing that amazing guys named 'Dan and Phil' existed and now i miss such an amazing work... seriously what else am i missing?! Whats wrong with me??!! (Sorry for the rant it came from within)
Back to work..
This was freaking awesome! Seriously i was laughing so muchwhile reading it...there is nothing that i would like you to change... its perfect the way it is! ^-^
Your awesome friend!
Fangirl~
Maybe you just have too much of a life to realize stupid things such as this exist xD
Thanks for the review, Rashi
Ha! No prob...
(Gotta love Phan)
Some other mistake with the grammar or the punctuation..maybe this was the only negative thing I can say because I only found it on some places.
I like the way you had used the Italic so it seems more catchy and I of course looked to it right away because it catches my eye faster than anything else.Your idea is amazing.Well,I could say funny and amazing!Who does not love donuts?And the idea of this situation is so interesting!
Overall,funny short story about donuts and one cop.
What could be wrong with that?
Something to make us laugh.
Go on writing!
Thanks so much raindrop!
You are always welcome!
That is hilarious. XD
Thanks! xD
Wow, this story is great: It's very funny and entertaining! Impressive!!
Just the idea of donuts and cops is great!
2 things struck me:
1. "Jim broke down into tears" I know he loves donuts but he's still a cop, right? It's funny how he keeps getting more and more aggravated, but I wondered if he would really start to cry.
2. When the officer comes up to him (great job describing that moment, by the way!) and tells him what really happened, Jim just accepts it. I wondered, if he mightn't have been a bit more surprised or shocked....
Other than that it's a great idea and well-written! Keep writing!!!
I don't know, maybe he's just a very emotional cop. I can't explain his thoughts! (No matter that I created him and know everything he's thinking and the explanation for each thought....) Thanks for the review! xD
Hello there, fandomsNmusic!!
It made me laugh when I reached the end. The poor Head officer! He ate the donuts in his sleep and accused his fellow officers without knowing that he actually did it. The funniest part was when he found that out. The head officer sure felt pretty embarrassed alright. And you brought that out perfectly! 
Good job!
Your story is amazing and really funny!
I really enjoyed your story, it was simple, funny and easy to understand, and everything was well described.
I didn't catch many errors and there wasn't a lot of dialogue, but I think your dialogue is pretty good. I mean I clearly understood how embarrassed the head officer was when he apologized for eating all the donuts by himself.
Anyway, this is a really, really good story and I hope you'll keep writing amazing stories like this!
Never stop writing and have an amazing day!
writerkitty.
Thanks so much for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed it. It was a prompted story written in Word War, so I didn't expect so many people to like it, but I glad that everybody thinks it's so funny.
Greetings,
Having formerly been a Correctional Officer, I resonate with this idea more than you know. Taking an old idea like this and throwing a new twist on it is what makes writing amazing. You did very well.
A few suggestions to help with the mood of the story.
In your second paragraph at the end you have this line : "But, no! It couldn't be! Who would do such a thing? The box was empty!" I get the feeling that you are trying to build suspense. We can easily come to the conclusion that the donuts are not where they are supposed to be from the first sentence, but the suspense can still be build upon. As a suggestion, make each of these sentences separated in their own paragraphs. This separation is like stretching out the horror of the moment.
In your last paragraph you show the head officer, Jim, being remorseful for having eaten all the donuts in his sleep. But what about embarrassment? He just went on a sugar-crash
induced tirade and blamed everyone around him for a crime that he himself committed. I would think that he would be slightly embarrassed by all of that.
Another idea that comes to mind is having him check himself in a mirror or something, still wearing a small ring of frosting as evidence of his crime. Something that absolutely everyone could see except him. Just food for thought.
Well done writing this, you did a great job bring some new humor to an old joke. I look forward to reading more from you.
Happy Writing!
Thanks so much for the review! I agree with you on your suggestions and I've made a few changes.
About the part where you said he could have looked in the mirror - he's an old cop, if he finds his donuts nowhere to be found he's not going to be checking himself out, in my opinion. xD
I'm glad that my first story, even if it was a joke developed in Word War, was such a success.
I meant him looking in a mirror after he has been told that it was him. He was checking everyone elses hands and mouth. Sort of seemed to fit when it was supposed to be him.
Huh, yeah okay, I never thought of it like that. Thanks!
Hello, Red here for a review!
To begin with, this story was great; I enjoyed this immensely and cannot wait to read more by you. I feel that even a stereotypical stereotype story like this can be made new again when written by the right person. The whole "Cops and donuts" thing is much laughed about in the American society. For a first work-especially one created in a Word War- this was very good! Now, past all of this and non to reviewing!
1. You made this story pretty funny, I loved reading it, and the twist at the end made it all the more so! The cop is so frustrated because someone ate all the donuts. The cop decides to interrogate all the other cops; only to find that the suspect is none other than himself! The storyline is great; the only thing about it that I would like to be a little different is the ending. Most people have problems with endings, myself included. I feel like after all the buildup, this ending is just not satisfactory. The cops reaction to having found he ate all the donuts should really be stronger. But then, that is just my opinion.
2. Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling
I feel like this would read better as:
Did you mean "the officer" or "Officer Jim".... 'The Jim' doesn't really work :p
I think it reads better that way, but maybe not
Before:
After:
Again, I think it reads better that way, but it is your choice.
3. Great Job!
So Death Boy, you really did an amazing job on this work! Your penning is good, and it will also
probablyimprove as you write more in the future! Congrats on your first published work, and I hope you do more in the future!So nos vemos mi Hermana!
And never forget-
Thanks so much for the review! You must keep in mind a few things though: 1. This is my first project on YWS ever and 2. I didn't edit any of this after writing it in word war.
I do agree with you on the spelling errors though, thanks for pointing those out, I'll definitely edit those.
Reviews are so you know what still needs editing, and you are welcome!