Chat Matt- Part 1

Hi!

I'll start by saying that, this needs a little backstory - open with the IM Chat but then introduce who Matt is straight after, not majorly - but introduce him as a close friend as you do with Fey, and make sure that you make clear if she knows him in real life or if he is someone she has met over the internet.

For the IM chat - I wouldn't say anything about grammar because this is obviously supposed to be a realistic story and that is how people talk to each other on the internet! I do anyway...

Now - I've edited this up a bit for you, I hope it doesn't seem rude, I'm not trying to be.

I love these conversations with him. They're funny and weird, but we both know each other (Each other isn't one word) too much to say, "Lol that was weird...but funny!" Too one another online, we just already know (If you are talking about a conversation in real life too, I suggest you lose the 'lol') If I ever lost the friendship I had with him....wow ( I can't edit this, but I think 'wow' would be better in italics since it kind of gives you the sense that she's realised something)...I'd be a mess.

But something weird happened today. My friend, Fey had asked me, "Do you like Matt?" Causing an awkward silence while my mind is going, "W-what? Matt? LIKE MATT? (Italics here, not caps) Wait...no no no no, I do NOT (Also, italics on just the 'not') like Matt. This isn't going to be one of those Hollywood movies where the boy falls in love with his best friend. Nope. Nope. No it's not" Of course, I didn't say that out loud. I just said, like the goody two shoes I am, "Um..no, we're friends. Just friends."

Yeah, well, thanks to Fey I can't stop thinking about it. What if?....what if Matt and I were a couple? That would actually be kind of....nice - (You only need one dash)NO NO NO NO NO NO. SHUT UP BRAIN. (Again, I suggest it would be a lot more effective if you just put caps in itallics!)

Thankyou!

Keep Writing, Red.

xoxo

I found the entire thing a little strange. There was no back story so I think a little explaining might just make the reader understand everything a little more. Also, like Klara said, when it said 'you' I think it would've seemed better if it were 'me', as it starts off like it's going to be written in second person, but it's written in first. I hope you understand that! However, I do think that with work this story has amazing potential. I just found it a little...unhinged. But like I said, with work it could be absolutely fantastic!

-Kitty

Hey there!

So yeah, I guess this needs a lot of work but I really like the idea of what this might be if you work on it.

I guess I'm the biggest fan of nothing but dialogues with no extra explanations but I think that this piece might use a little bit more of describing because the reader doesn't really know who is Matt, why does this person likes him etc. For example when you say - '' I love these converstaions with him. They're funny and weird, but we both know eachother too much to say, "Lol that was weird...but funny!" We just already know. If I ever lost his friendship....wow...I'd be a mess. '' - it would be much better without you saying exactly what are you feeling, but describing why are you feeling the way you do. I hope you undesrtand what I want to say, and if you don't please do let me know I'll be glad if I can help

''-Matt is online-

You: Ello!

Matt:ellooo!'' - I think you should change this 'you' into me because it was kind of confusing.
Also -Matt is online- would be so much better in italics.

'' But something weird happened today. My friend, Fey, asked me, "Do you like Matt?" Akward silence while my mind is going, "W-what? Matt? LIKE MATT? Wait...no no no no, I DO NOT like Matt. This isn't going to be one of those Hollywood movies where the boy falls in love with his best friend. Nope. Nopey nope nope." Of course, I didn't say that out loud. I just said, like the goody two shoes I am, "Um..no, we're friends. Just friends." '' - Also the part where you are thinking would look much better in italics, trust me.

Anyway, I think this piece needs a lot of work but it has a potential. All you need to do is to write and practice more. The thing you must learn is that the reader wants to know what is this really about so you need to describe more - the situation, people, your feelings and thoughts in order to make this piece better.

Keep writing, Klara!

P.S. If you need any help and if you write more of this please do let me know, I'll be glad to help