Young Writers Society

Hey, I'm Kirsten and I am here to review. No reviews yet? Let's change that
Okay, onto your poem. xD

When skies painted waters azure - breathing,

When flowers caught lucid fire - scathing,

When my rib cage contracted - in tempo desiderata,

I knew.

I guess we could kind of call this the first stanza, eh? I really liked this. You have good imagery, I can feel the scene, really great description. xD

I knew -



There was no flash across my pupils,

A painful instance -

My cornea burnt with a finality,

The white blindness,

From looking at the midday sun



Or mountain snow, glaciers - try reading French,

A touch of the clouds, spinning me away

To where brightness amalgamates obscurity.



There was just that - salt.



Salt engraved into my skin, an alien,

And salt aging under the world from its beginning,

Leaving white shifting fingerprints

On the stones

In the air -

Wow, I love the imagery.

Poseidon�s hands

Gigantic

Miniscule

Trace all the crevices of a man�s life -

They leave no immobile claims -



Just white specks of realization. So bitter.

I love the ending.

Okay.

Flow
I actually liked the flow, I don't think it was perfect, but it was nice. There's probably ways to improve it, but flaws make things better, sometimes flaws improve writing, in this case, they do.

Structure
Perhaps a little different, but good.

imagery
I really loved the imagery in this piece. Beautiful. parfait. I really enjoyed it, and I mean really. xD

Okay, I have to go, I shall come back later perhaps and improve this review, if I remember. Well done.


~Kirsten
xoxo