Young Writers Society

WOW. What an incredible poem! Your skill is brilliantly apparent from the first stanza. You have a such a command of language, structure, and overall effect. As I read the poem, and write this review now, it is in the early hours of the morning, but your wonderfully vivid imagery almost made me forget it - I was almost thoroughly convinced that I could see the sun if I only were to turn my head.

This was both a pure, undiluted delight to read, as well as food for thought. I cannot commend you enough on this piece of work.

Hey there, I'm Kirsten and I shall be your reviewer for today. I'm going to try a new style of reviewing, so you'll just have to bear with me.
I'm not going to do a line by line critique, but on the overall picture.
So, we'll start off with these:

I Technicalities
- In this subdivision I shall just basically note the basic writing skills.

II structure etc
stanzas, flow, rhyme etc.

III Voice and Tone of writing
the strength of the narrative, if I like the tone etc

IV Imagery, originality
Pretty self explanatory.

So, let's start.

I
The technicalities of this poem are very good. Your spelling and grammar are impeccable. I don't think you have a single word spelt wrong, and the grammar is perfect too. You follow all the basic rules of mechanics methinks. Except, maybe in the fourth stanza on the third line, didn't you mean lose instead of loose? That's extremely nit-picky though, and otherwise your grammar is flawless.

II
For this section, I'm going to start with structure, I've decided to do sub-segments, if that's a word.

the length of your lines - I liked the length. They were quite long, but they were nice. I liked them, they didn't vary too much so you kept the flow. I love the part in the fourth stanza, when the lines change a bit, very effective, intriguing and enjoyable.

breaks in the line- You have some very effective cesurae in this poem, as well as enjambament, I like the way you have both in this poem. Effective and enjoyable.

stanza length
I don't really understand the numbers, but that's probably down to my lack of poetic knowledge. However, I really like the stanza length. They're perfect, they don't disrupt the flow, quite the opposite. Well done.

rhyme and pace
I like it. Perfect for this poem, the flow was good. You used several effects to make it so. Well done.

diction and syntax
I adore your word choice. It is incredible. You change from fairly modern language to older near the end, the alteration, is however, very swift and works very well. I congradulate you on that. xD Syntax is good too.



stanzas are interesting. The correct length. I'd like to know what the numbers mean, but they are correct probably. It'll just be my lack of knowledge


III
The narrative in this poem is strong. I loved it. At first I wasn't so sure about this poem, then I read it aloud. And again, and again. Now, I absolutely adore it. You made the narrative extremely strong on this poem by using poetic effects. You are obviously extremely talented at writing poetry, I commend you. One of my favourite parts of this poem is when you start using 'thou' etc etc. I find it extremely powerful. I started to love the uniqueness of your voice when I read 'perpertual everything' It might just be me, but whenever I've heard that phrase it's generally been perpetual nothingness. I loved it in this context, evidently the opposite way around though. xD You have an incredibly strong narrative voice, well done.

IV
imagery-absolutely beautiful. I really liked it. I'll admit there isn't tons of it, but this makes it all the more incredible. You don't use similes, or metaphors, or personification and such. Your description seems to be above that, it is different, in a very good way. This poem reeks years of studying poetry and working hard. It also shows that you have a great way with words. Creative and original. Well written and interesting.

And so, what has this poem done? Constructive criticism? No. Merely because this poem is perfect the way it is. You are really very talented, I hope you use that talent to do good things, because I am sure you will be able to do so. This isn't like modern poetry, it takes us back to before nowadays, when each individual word held deep meaning. Well done and I really hope to read more poetry of yours. xD

~Kirsten xoxo

I have to say, this is an odd poem,
what exactly is this? epic poem?

about a star, I believe, but something else too.

now what I really can't tell is whether or not you are the star, or only talking to one, perhaps wishing you were as they are.

a nice poem, really, a tad bit confusing, but altogether had good rhythm, good structure, a nice story telling capability

seems like somehting you would read out of a book, don't ask me what I mean by that, I don't know.
yes, yes, perhaps you have taken classes in poetry, advanced classes, I would guess,
your verse is very well done.

writing of the death of a star, the end, with a sundial,
you use many archaic symbols in your writing, quite nice, realy.
not much else to say,
though at first I found it a bit cinfusing, but upon reading it a second time, I found it comprehendable.

Peace,
God