So Innocent

Forward: This is a gay love story. Not my usual genre, I'll admit. Thanks for reading!

“…increasing the child’s self-esteem. Thank you.” James Jenner concluded. The smattering of elementary school teachers applauded. Jenner let the heavy steel auditorium door close behind him with a sound reminiscent of a gunshot. He pulled out a pack of Malboros from his trouser pocket, fished out a lighter, and took a long drag on his cigarette. He leaned against the brick façade and took another pull, looking every bit as cool as the cigarette ads promised, but inside he felt like shit. His job irked him and didn’t pay enough to put a dent in his divorce lawyer fees and marriage counseling, not to mention child support. He had no love life; he was starting to smoke a pack and a half a day instead of his customary half pack, just all around shit.

The door closed again, sending shockwaves through Jenner’s developing headache. He had half a mind to glare at whoever disturbed his peace, but when he looked at the teacher’s round, earnest face, he decided to hear him out. The man looked vaguely familiar, probably someone Jenner had chatted with before the lecture. Strange, Jenner thought he would remember as pretty of a man that was standing before him.

“Hey. I’m Ben Browning. We talked before the lecture, I’m the kindergarten teacher, remember?” He asked, smiling. For a moment, Jenner didn’t reply, fixated on wispy brown eyelashes dancing above hazel eyes.

“Yeah, I remember you.” Jenner lied.

“Your speech was wonderful,” Ben said, leaning in closer. Was he hitting on him? “Do you always lecture in child development? I’ve never heard of you before?” Yes, this teacher was definitely hitting on Jenner. Christ, it felt good. How long had it been since someone had taken an honest interest in him, male or female?

“I lecture about whatever my firm tells me too, I might also be helping conduct a seminar here too.” Jenner said.

“You must be a very well-learned man, Mr. James.”

“Call me Jenner. Everyone calls me Jenner. And yes, I do know a lot of things, every single one of them useless. I’ve talked in seminars about everything from geology from Swedish culture.” Ben started to laugh, but was cut off by Jenner’s ringing cell phone. Jenner checked the caller id, and a host of angry feelings started to well up like vomit at the back of his throat. He pressed the ‘Ignore Call’ button, but when the screen displayed the time, he realized why his ex-wife was calling.

“Shit! I forgot to pick up Tanner!” Jenner groaned.

“Excuse me?” Ben asked in confusion.

“Forgot to pick up my son.” Jenner said tersely, flicking his cigarette butt to the pavement.

“Nice meeting you!” He called as he raced to the parking lot, remembering his manners.

He started the engine of his silver Jetta and called his ex-wife Janet. She picked up and drew breath to berate her ex-husband, but Jenner beat her to the punch with a practiced “Be there in ten minutes”. He thought he had beaten his previous record of 10 seconds as he zoomed down the exit ramp.

The drive calmed Jenner down sufficiently to almost miss the exit to the insipid suburb his ex-wife had moved into with their son. He groped for the piece of paper on the dashboard that had Janet’s house number scribbled on it. All these damn houses looked the same, could someone blame him for still not remembering where his son lived six months after the move-in?

He pulled into the driveway whose mailbox proclaimed ‘692’ like the sheet of paper, the fact that it was the right house reinforced by a pissed-looking Janet and boyfriend whose name Jenner couldn’t remember beside a bouncing six-year-old boy.

“Daddy!” Tanner exclaimed, jumping on his father like a Jack Russell Terrier on its master.

“Hey Tan!” Jenner said with a smile that he didn’t really feel. The sight of his son inspired guilt within him. He knew he didn’t see Tanner often enough. This guilt prodded him to relent and let Tanner ride in the front seat.

“Where are we going to eat?” Tanner asked as soon as he was buckled in.

“Caesar’s, your favorite.”

“Yay!” Tanner squealed.

~~~

“My teacher says that we don’t have much school left.” Tanner said, sliding the words out between his pepperoni-greased thumb.

“Who’s your teacher again?” Jenner asked.

“Mrs. Fielding. But she’s gonna have a baby, so we have a sub.” Tanner said, his mouth full.

“Mommy wants to get me a cell phone.” Tanner said abruptly.

“A cell phone? What in God’s name do you need a cell phone for?”

“So I can call Mommy to tell her she forgot me because the office ladies don’t like it when I do that.” Jenner growled. He knew he was no father of the year but at least he remembered to pick up his child.

Oh, wait.

Jenner sighed, stirring his Pepsi with his straw. Poor kid. Two shitty parents. Tanner was going to have a rough time in life; Jenner knew it. He also knew that the blame for that lied squarely on his shoulders. He never should have given in to his mother’s wishes that he just ‘settle down with a nice girl’. Jenner should have just told his parents flat out that he was gay and that would be the end of it. No regrets. No fucked up little kid. He was such a shitty person.

When he looked up, Tanner was polishing off his portion of their king-sized pizza.

“Ready to go?” Tanner nodded. Jenner got up to pay, but Tanner tugged at his sleeve, leaving tiny grease prints.

“You forgot to put the money on the table.” Tanner informed him.

“Oh.” Jenner had forgotten about the tip. He gave his son two ones to put on the table and went to the register to pay.

Jenner tried to engage Tanner in conversation on the way back to his mother’s house to assuage his growing guilt. They talked about professional sports just enough to know that Janet’s boyfriend swore a lot at the referee, and school just enough to know that Tanner liked it before they pulled into Janet’s driveway.

Janet was standing on the lawn, and the determined set of her jaw said that Jenner wasn’t going to escape this time. He saw Tanner to the door before resigning himself to his fate.

“What do you want?” Jenner asked wearily.

“Tanner has a conference thing tomorrow, and I can’t make it. Go to it for me, do something for your son for once in your life.” Janet spat. Jenner wanted to yell. He wanted to beat his ex-wife’s head against the pavement, but he knew that would do no good.

“Fine.” He growled.

~~~

Jesus Christ in heaven, what was he doing in a crowded elementary school at two forty-three in the afternoon with his kindergartener dragging him hallway after hallway to meet his teacher? The answer, as was the answer to most unpleasant things in his life, was Janet.

“Here’s my room Daddy!” Tanner announced proudly, dragging his father over the threshold. At first, all Jenner saw of the teacher was a halo of fluffy brown hair comparable to a bunny’s cottonball tail, but soon after that came hazel eyes and shapely lips parted in surprise.

“Mr. Jenner?” Ben Browning queried.

“Browning.” Jenner nodded, regaining his composure. This was going to be an awkward meeting.

“Mr. Jenner,” Ben said briskly, just as if he hadn’t been leaning towards Jenner, drinking in his every word just yesterday.

“Tanner is a wonderful student, a real joy to have in the classroom. The only behavioral issue I’m having with him is trying to get him settled down after playtime, a problem I’m having with about seventy percent of the class, so you needn’t worry. Any questions?”

“Yeah.” Jenner said, handing Tanner a dollar bill. “Go get some ice cream from the cafeteria, I’ll be there in a minute.” Jenner’s son ran off eagerly, bill clutched in his fist like a winning lottery ticket.

“What would you like to talk about?” Ben asked, hiding his embarrassment with a chipper air.

“Does it show? Can…can you tell that Tanner has shitty parents? Does he act weird or anything?” Jenner asked, holding his head in his hands.

“No, Tanner is very well adjusted.” Ben said, taken aback. “Well…I don’t know whether it’s my place to say this or not, but Tanner is a little chubby.”

“Shit. Do you think that taking him out to eat every Saturday is making him fat?” Jenner asked. Now that it was pointed out to him, he noticed that Tanner had a little more baby fat than most kids his age.

“Probably. Is that the only time he sees you? He doesn’t talk about you much in class.”

“Yeah, that’s pretty much the only time he sees me. Maybe I should start taking him to the gym with me.” He said, one corner of his mouth rising in a lopsided grin.

“I can arrange a meeting with Tanner and the school counselor.” Ben offered.

“That’d be great.” Jenner said, rising. “Thanks.” He said, shaking Ben’s hand before advancing to the cafeteria.

It was dark by the time Ben Browning had finished with his parent-teacher conferences. He leaned against his car door, tasting the sharp cold air. The meeting with Jenner and his son wasn’t actually that awkward, it was touching, even. And he though Jenner was just a pretty face he could coerce into a one-night stand.

He turned his engine on and dialed his roommate on his mobile.

“Gargh!” Lance replied after the third ring. “Why the bloody hell did you wake me up in the middle of the night!” Lance protested, his slightly Americanized Scottish accent slurred by sleep and no doubt a few shots of whiskey.

“It’s seven o’clock.” Ben pointed out.

“In the morning? Oh shit!”

“No, at night,” Ben said hastily before his friend rushed off to work.

“Well then what the hell did you call me for!” Lance burst out.

“I think I’m in love.” Ben said earnestly. On the other end of the line, Lance swore to every saint in the Catholic Bible.

“Not again you bloody bastard! You fall in love at the drop of the hat and if I have to put up with your lovesick moans one more time I swear I’ll kick your ass to Edinburg so you can say hi to me mum!”

“But this time it’s for real!” Ben insisted.

“Oh, aye, like it was real with the postman and the bloke upstairs and that waiter and the teller at Starbucks and—“

“Okay, okay. I get your point. But I’m for sure this time!” Lance’s snicker summed his thoughts up on that particular subject.

“Will you help me?” Ben pleaded. A sigh from Lance.

“Will you shut up if I do?”

“Yes.”

“Fine.” Lance sighed. “Who’s the lucky bugger this time?”

“The parent of one of my students.”

“Can’t you get arrested for that?” Lance exclaimed.

“No. You’re a police officer, shouldn’t you know?”

“I don’t do stuff like that. I pull over speeders and arrest the drunks.”

“Well, it’s legal, but it’s awkward. I met him at a lecture and we flirted a bit but he had to leave early, but now he was at his son’s conference.”

“Did you get his number?”

“No.”

“Get his number and ask him out.” Lance suggested.

“You’re a lot of help.” Ben said sarcastically.

“Just doing my job.” Ben hung up. Lance usually wasn’t much help, but talking to him had given him inspiration for his real plan.

~~~~

For the second time in as many days, Jenner was at his son’s elementary school, only this time in the safari-themed counselor’s office. The chairs Jenner, Janet, and Tanner were sitting on were obviously made for little kids, but the couch with the garish cartoon animals frolicking was piled with paperwork and books.

Ben Browning came in discreetly, but in the silent room, everyone noticed his arrival. He smiled and waved at Tanner and leaned against the safari animal wallpaper.

Suddenly, the guidance counselor burst in, clutching a MacDouble that was probably her usual lunch, judging from her waistline.

“Hello!” She said brightly. “I’m Mrs. Lawry. You are the Jenners, right?”

“I’m Janet Smithfield.” Janet said icily. Apparently Mrs. Lawry had not reached the ‘Parents Divorced’ bit in Tanner’s file.

“Well. What did you come here to talk about?” Mrs. Lawry asked, setting into her leather chair.

“I don’t think we’re being good parents to Tanner.” Jenner said guiltily. The look on Tanner’s face conveyed the fact that it had never crossed his mind.

“Ah. This is very common. I’m going to talk to each of you individually, and then with Tanner. I’ll have him and his mother first.” Mrs. Lawry announced. Ben and Jenner exited into the lobby, where two scratchy wool chairs sat next to each other.

After five minutes of fishing around for something to say to break the awkward silence, Jenner had just come up with an idea not totally stupid when Ben beat him to it.

“I think it’s really great that you want the best for Tanner.” Ben said. “It means that you truly care about him, and that you’re not as bad of a father as you think. I get kids all the time where their parents are drug addicts or in an abusive relationship and they simply don’t care about their kids, so they act up in class to try and gain the attention they’re denied at home. You’re doing the right thing for Tanner.” Ben assured. Jenner smiled the same twisted smile he had when he suggested taking Tanner to the gym. The awkward silence encroached upon the pair again and Jenner was just about to use his slightly less than brilliant icebreaker that he had thought of previously when Ben said teasingly, “Do you remember last time we were like this? Your cell phone rang.”

Jenner pulled his Blackberry from his pocket and waved it in an its-not-ringing motion when Ben snatched it out of his hands.

“Hey!” Jenner exclaimed, grabbing for it, but Ben held it tantalizingly out of reach. Jenner got up from his chair to pry his phone loose from Ben’s hands when he seconded the motion. They raced around the lobby, laughing like schoolboys, until Jenner cornered Ben.

Ben adopted a protective stance over the Blackberry like a basketball player keeping the ball out of the opposing team’s hands. Jenner oscillated from one side of Ben to the other, his hand brushing Ben’s bottom often.

“Mr. Jenner?” Mrs. Lawry asked, peeking her head out of her office. The two men ceased their shenanigans immediately, but Ben didn’t give Jenner his cell phone back.

When Janet had left with Tanner in tow, Jenner lingered to see if Ben would give him his Blackberry back. He regretted not paying attention when Tanner directed him to Ben’s room. Jenner had just given up and was just about to walk out of the double doors when he felt something slip into the back pocket of his jeans. When he turned around, Ben was already halfway down the hall, waving to Jenner with his back turned. Jenner smiled and retrieved his Blackberry, feeling its comforting weight in his hands.

Jenner was zipping down the highway on autopilot thinking about what Mrs. Lawry had said about Tanner and Ben when his phone beeped. Thinking he had received a text message, he looked at the screen to find that he had one calendar appointment. Jenner frowned. He didn’t remember doing that. He pressed a button and the words ‘Call Ben’ popped up onscreen.

Jenner grinned and navigated to his contacts. After a moment’s indecision whether to call him on his mobile or home phone, he decided on mobile.

“Hey.” Ben said on the first ring.

“Do you like seafood?” Jenner asked.

“Mmm-hmm. I love seafood.”

“Can you meet me at The Reef Shark tomorrow at five?”

“Yep.”

“See you there, then.” Jenner said

~~~

The chrome peaks of The Reef Shark shone pink and yellow in the reflection of the other downtown buildings. Looking like a cross between the Sydney Opera House and the Air Force monument, The Reef Shark was quickly becoming the hippest restaurant in town. A bit out of Jenner’s price range, though.

Ben was standing under the pointy overhang, dressed charmingly in a yellow sweater over a white collared shirt and corduroys. Jenner was glad that he hadn’t overdressed and was wearing a dressy orange shirt and nice jeans.

“We clash.” Ben uttered in tones near horror. Jenner nearly rolled his eyes until he remembered whom he was with.

“I’ll put my coat on.” Assuaged by Jenner’s black coat, Ben linked arms with his date and entered the restaurant.

Ben observed as Jenner frowned slightly over the menu. Ben had been here before; he knew his order. When Jenner looked up, he saw Ben smiling at him with his head resting slightly on his hands. He leaned forward to say something, but was cut off by the waitress. Ben ordered his usual oysters on the half-shell with crabcakes, and Jenner ordered the same. Ben raised an eyebrow.

“I like oysters.” Jenner said defensively.

“Sure. You just want to get lucky tonight.” Ben teased. Jenner was about to reply before his cell phone rang.

“I’m going to throw that thing out the window.” Ben muttered

“What?” Jenner exclaimed. “I’ll be right there. Sorry.” He apologized to Ben.

“Wait, what’s wrong?” Ben asked, running to catch up. Jenner was almost at the door.

“Janet and Tanner have been in a car accident.” Jenner breathed.

“I’ll come with you.” Jenner was about to refuse Ben’s snap decision, but he realized that he might need some moral support. They both climbed into Jenner’s Jetta and raced towards the hospital.

~~~

Ben drummed his fingers on the chair’s plastic arm. He had read every magazine in the hospital’s waiting room twice, but Jenner still hadn’t come out.

Suddenly, the double doors swung open and there stood Jenner, haggard from the night’s events. Ben got up and wrapped his arms around him.

“A drunk driver front ended her. Janet didn’t make it.” He said, digging his fingers into Ben’s back. “But Tanner is okay. He’ll need a few stitches on his forehead, but he wasn’t really hurt. I’m so glad it was Janet…oh shit, I didn’t mean it to come out that way—“

“It’s okay. I know what you mean.” Ben reassured him.

“Some date, huh?” Jenner said, pulling away. Ben smiled wanly.

“Some date.”

~~~

“Oooh!” Katie exclaimed in awe over Tanner’s stitches the next day after Janet’s funeral. It had been two weeks; they would be coming out soon.

“Leave Tanner alone. He’s feeling sad today.” Ben admonished.

“You can play by yourself in the play corner or read a book today.” Ben said softly, on his knees to look Tanner in the eyes. Tanner nodded, chubby fist wiping away the first tears.

Ben held Tanner’s hand as they walked to the parking lot together. Jenner was near the entrance, leaning on his car. Tanner rushed up to greet his father, and Jenner spun him around in midair. When Jenner set him down, he reached for the front seat’s door handle.

“I don’t think so.” Jenner said gently, opening the back seat door for Tanner. Ben climbed in the front seat, and they were almost out of the parking lot before Tanner asked, “What’s Mr. Browning doing in our car?” Jenner took a deep breath and looked at Ben, who nodded to go ahead with what they had planned.

“Mr. Browning’s been over at our house a lot because he’s being very helpful and Daddy likes him very much. So much, in fact, that Mr. Browning is Daddy’s boyfriend.”

“I thought only girls had boyfriends.” Tanner said innocently.

“Boys can have boyfriends too.” Ben assured him. “Girls can have girlfriends also.”

“Okay. Is he coming to eat with us?” Tanner asked with the quick acceptance of a young child.

“We’re not going to eat. Daddy is going to take Ben—Mr. Browning—out with us to go bowling.”

“Yay! I like bowling!” Tanner shrieked. The sound was quickly renewed by the dog sticking his head out of the window in the car next to them. Jenner smiled at Ben. So innocent.

~Fin~