Young Writers Society

I like the script so far, the plot is very intriguing. The dialogues feel very natural and Luke is a realistic character.
But the part where Luke is trying to collect twenty dollars, how will the watchers know about it, if it isn’t mentioned in the dialogues. I think there are a few other parts like this too where the descriptions of what is happening should be expressed in dialogue instead.
Overall, the story is interesting and I’d like to read more of it.

This is actually a really interesting concept! From my experiences, it doesn't actually matter much about the length as long as it has substance. I think being a writer is really hard nowadays, so kudos to you for getting even that many pages in the first place! Is Google docs your favorite writing platform btw? (I know it's mine, plus Archive....lol, fanfiction is my second language)
Overall the concept was good, the style you wrote it in makes it very intriguing(are you planning to make it a movie eventually or just have it written that way as a stylistic choice?).