Young Writers Society

This is Nikayla here dropping in for a review on Review Day!

Let's jump right into this, Essenceria, with a point of confusion of mine that I have with the poem and the overall aesthetic. I'm confused as to why the whole poem is in bold, caps, and italics. I don't understand why you've chosen to do this, and an explanation would be helpful. I understand that this is your own stylistic choice to make your poem look like this, but I don't see any logical reasoning within doing this. An explanation of why you've capitalized everything as well as italicized and made bold in this piece would be helpful to understanding your decision.

Moving aside from the distracting look, we can see that each stanza begins with the same line. This is something that I actually found to be effective, or to be more specific, something that can be made effective. I'm not so sure if this is a strong aspect of this work right now as it would be in the future. My reasoning for this is that the structure of the lines after the first in each stanza are fairly weak all around. This is because of the repetitive line beginnings, I've found. In the first stanza, 'all' is repeated twice in the second and fourth lines. In the second stanza, 'as' is also repeated, but in the second and third lines.

Practicing with sentence structure or line structure, especially since each stanza is generally formed the same with the lines that come after the first being dependent on the repetition is something that I think could be worked on here. There are also some grammar errors spread throughout the poem such as the commas not being in the right place or not having spaces after them. I'm referring to how the commas look, not the actual grammar of the commas. Same with the exclamation marks, not only do they not seem needed but they're also separated from the line that they're supposed to end by a couple of spaces. For example: "Sometimes I don't know , though sometimes I do and that's great !!!"

Do you see what I mean? They're drifting off in space. Moving on from that, I think this poem would be stronger if you decided to make the theme a tiny bit clearer. I'm unsure if what I'm reading on the surface is what's wanted to be gotten across by the author, which is you, of course. I'm also unsure of what 'sore sheets' are similar to the last reviewer that came here.

Some clarification on that would be beneficial. We can see that the speaker of the poem is in their bed with their thoughts, and by the end of the poem we can see the progression or ending is them finally drifting off to sleep. This would be more effective if it weren't an ending used so often? I wanted a little more from the ending, though as it is, it works.

If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day.

What is a sore sheet?

This was good. I really like how you started it out, minus how I don't know what she sore sheets are. I also really like how you repeated the begining it was cool because from what i understood it showed me you were thinking of a different aspect of the same thing, does that make since?

So the formating was a little weird for reading... Was that a little mess up?

Um I was a little confused as to what is going on here? If this was like a song it could all flow together and keep going because it has music to tie it together but like what does the first paragraph have to do with the last?

Over all It was really good. I think you should definitly keep writing it's going good for you.

I need comments people !!