Published July 24, 2011
This was written for an old English assignment. It never got marked, which I was quite upset over, therefore would appreciate some response. I'm not even sure if it makes any bloody sense, but it does to me.
The assignment was to write a gothic poem in the tone and style of Robert Browning's, The Laboratory - which we had analysed during the lesson.
Would be glad to know what you think!
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Let the crows be chasing the poised
I shall be ready to grip at a halter
Time not to discuss our beloved
No Justice? – Nay coin of your choice on the counter!
He had breached to the nature of countless
Quite different yet ripe and forlorn
Had reigned an encounter of era a long
Tracing no back or no spine to the torn
Had seen you with him and you me as her
May preach our parity with our hearts on the Bible
Mutual – sister, alas we had waited
Performance? A ritual much of which tribal
Stamped letter to mercy herself?
Invitation through hole and into raw hand!
A Jacket for sins which are cold
A man gone in does not return from that land
Utterly not! What mention could be?
Off to his scull we directly withdraw
A mishap ear-splitting with admission of guilt
and should hit ground at sheer swipe of a claw!
Sealed with the floor and the bone on our lap
Sat cradling his cranium wisely
And Justine should breathe out condolence
to none! Shall we yet to thrust the yacht blithely?
Maniac be gone, safe we shall be
So true on a grandfather clock
Nevermore – a phial tipping
Generations persisting to mock.
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Thank you for all the lovely responses!
I understand if this is indeed a hard piece to review in deep, thus the short but sweet comments the majority of you have provided. I appreciate it all.
As for Jennya; thank you for stating your exact thoughts. You didn't sugar coat it, and I fully understand where your confusion might be coming from. It's not a simple poem. The imagery is pretty hardcore, underneath which there is a story being told. Hence the reason I wasn't so sure which part of the forum to post this in.
Cheers for stating what you think. Your review was FAR from terrible!
As for the teach, quite frankly, he has no idea what he's missing out on.
Glad at least someone's read it!
This is pretty good. It sucks that it didn't get marked. The teacher missed out on read a good poem. Keep up the good work
I hate it when work doesn't get marked or even worse when it get marked and you get no feedback.Since this is in old English it will be hard to review also i know next to nothing about Gothic poetry, Emily Browning or ye old English.
. I can tell that your poem seems to grow in emotional intensity which is a good thing. But honestly I can't really understand what is going on.
I shall go though each stanza individually.
Okay I think your first stanza is quite strange. Maybe I'm not use to the language but I don't get what is going on. I have a feeling this story will be about some sort or narrative. There seems to be some sort of structured rhyming pattern in the other stanzas I can see you have used rhyme in every second stanza which is cool
although at first I didn't really think there was any sort of rhythm or beat, although now I think there is one. The fact that I can barely understand your poem is really clouding my judgement
Sorry for the terrible review.
Great imagary.
Keep up the great work, fellow poet. 
Review my poem?
Great imagery, I'm not a huge fan of this style but this poem was actually quite enjoyable. As it went on I could feel the growing emotional intensity.
Lovely.