Schizophrenia (edited)

Jade?

Jade, can you hear me?

I know you can hear me Jade, I can see the fear billowing like cigarette smoke from your ruby lips.

For the cold air holds no secrets Jade. You should know that by now. You have been in the cold for a long time now Jade.

Yes! Turn around! See if you can find me. See if your wild eyes can penetrate the inkiness in which I hide. Work the sinew in your neck until it aches from whiplash. You are already dizzy from the tablets Jade. I saw you take them. You took four; four too many. Soon the dizziness will guide your twitching frame to the concrete. It will give peace to your wild irises, relief for the throbbing behind your eye sockets.

I will be waiting Jade.

I will lie patiently in the darkness, watching you. I will look on as you stumble between our cement walls, feeling desperately for the warmth that has eluded you. I watch you now; already I can taste the hope seeping from your pale skin. Scream again Jade. Let me feast upon the terror that torments your soul. There is no way out Jade. There is nobody to save you. I am the only one that knows you are here. Scream! Yes scream! Nothing can hear you except for the frigid air that shreds your vocal chords. No one cares that you’re here; alone; with me. It is just us Jade. You and me – together forever. Nobody else to share my delight in watching the life evaporate from your pores.

You have stopped screaming Jade. Why will you not scream for me?

Cry out his name; her name. My name. I need to see it in your eyes. I need to see the fear, the brightest flame that burns your irises. No! Don’t cry! I don’t want you to cry! I don’t want you to surrender. I want you to fight, to bleed from your fingernails as you tear at the walls of your cage. Fuck you and your bloodshot eyes that stare at me, wet with hopelessness. Stop crying! You don’t deserve to cry!

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

You’re not going to scream for me Jade?

I’LL MAKE YOU!

Thats it! Let me hear it! Yes! Let it come. Feel the icy grip I have on your temples. Feel the fear rise within you and flow out of your throat. Flooding out, just like the blood from your wrists, ravaged by the scalpel. What? You don’t think I saw you? You make me sick Jade. I can feel the scars upon your skin now. They are marks of shame, of weakness! You are weak Jade! This is not your pain. It doesn’t even come close! These are shameless cries for attention, for help. Well guess what Jade?

THERE’S NOBODY HERE!!

You are alone in this room, this cell. There is nobody else. There is no warmth, there is no other heartbeat. There is nothing. Just you – you and your broken mind. I am not real Jade, you invented me. I am your conception.

And I am inside you.

I crawl beneath your skin. I hid from the steel you sent to find me, hid within the waterfall of crimson. Why do you hunt me Jade? You created me! You conjured me in one of your nightmares; spawned me from the black acid in your gut. Why do you blame me? This is your fault Jade. You brought me into your despair, this is your doing, not mine. So why? Why do you hunt me?

You’ll never catch me Jade. I hide in the darkest crevasses of your soul, you cannot see me. I fester there alongside your happiness. I lie and observe you as you sentence us to death.

You are dying Jade. Every breath, every step you grow closer. Your precious oxygen is deadly; toxic; addictive. You can’t control yourself can you? You must have it, you must!

YOU ARE KILLING US!!

No! Wrong again! You are killing you Jade. I don’t exist, remember? I am you, and you are all by yourself. A porcelain doll in a box Jade, choking on your dearest oxygen and your sleeping pills: that is all you are. There is no escape Jade, There is nothing! Scream for me some more Jade, turn your knuckles to dust as you pound them against the concrete. Bleed for me Jade! I want to see you bleed. Bleed and scream! Scream out the oxygen that corrodes your trachea. Scream out your pain; your anguish; your scream yourself to sleep.

Shhh Jade, Shhh. That is enough for now, the tablets – they are working now, I see your eyes glazing; the toxins are shrouding your fear. You shall have your relief. You don’t feel the cold anymore; you are but a ghost floating within your crisp skin. You can’t even see the darkness: the fiendish angels trick you with light. Let them take you Jade. Nobody wants you here. I don’t want you anymore Jade. You are nothing but a disease, a plague. You are the leprosy. Let the angels take you and use you for their experiments. You are worthless here – a vessel for the shadows. All you have is your oxygen, your oxygen and me.

I am leaving Jade. I will not be here when you awake, when the angels return you – all stitched up like an autopsied corpse. Leave me now. Retreat to your nirvana. Drown yourself in narcotic bliss. I will not be here when you return.

You will awake alone.